how do you deal with bullies?

by loosie 38 Replies latest jw experiences

  • loosie

    My daughter is in 6th grade.

    I know from personal experience when I was in Jr High that kids can be really mean. I used to come home crying everyday. I was told that I was ugly and I would never get married. Kinda of ironic I was blonde haired, blue eyed, skinny and cute. I was one of the first in my group to have a date. So apprantly I wasn't ugly nor did I lack the opportunies to get married.

    My daughter is brown haired, hazel eyed, and has the sweetest smile, she is cute. Yes she is a little over weight. Doctor said she hasn't hit her growth spurt yet don't worry she is going to be tall.

    Anyway kids make fun of her. They tease her about her thick hair, they call her fuzzy. In PE when she runs they say "oh no earthquake" Sometimes her exzema breaks out and they make fun of her for that. We almost have that under control.

    The kid that is the most obnoxious about teasing her about her hair she can't tease him back about his hair because he is black. If she called him nappy that would be considered a racial comment.

    Last week she was im tears and he stomach was cramping in the morning before school because she didn't want to go and be made fun of. So I called into to school and told them that my daughter was too emotional distraught to go to school and be teased today.

    The counselor called me back. She said that everytime this happens to have my daughter go to the counselors office and tell her about it. So she did and the counselor told her to just ignore it that kids can be mean. She said I have ignored all of it that I can/

    Now what good is that going to do? When someone runs a red light do the police just ignore it? They control everything else at school. you can't wear baggy pants and hats or hoodies over your head. They don't what the kids to act like gang memebers. Shouldn't they provide a non emotionally disturbing envirnoment for learning?

    Any ideas of what can be done?

  • R.Crusoe

    This is one of the trickiest questions I have come across!

    In life I have 'FELT' bullied endlessly in my personal circumstances riven with deciet and lies attempting to get me to do as they wished and supplied with lies to impress me into doing so - from very young well into adulthood! The relentlessness of it will create stress and anger and reaction in any human!! I even viewed others sent the same way!

    I imagine many feel the same in their personal as well as social/work situations to differing degrees.

    I mention the family example of subliminal control via lies and deliberate absence of communication because it illustrates how some of us accept is as the norm and then know less how to tackle it in the outside world!

    My answer to you to guarantee success:

    I am clueless!

    I even see some practising 'bullies' claiming others are bullies in order to effect control over potential 'rivals' and functioning as seeming perfectly functional members of society!

    Which raises the question

    Are some successful people really closet bullies?

  • IP_SEC

    School yard bully problems are very minimized by a lot of ppl. It can be a real problem.

    If the counselor wont do anything, you should make them understand they are responsible to make school a safe environment. If they dont do so there WILL be legal action.

  • loosie
    If they dont do so there WILL be legal action.

    What legal action IP sec? What grounds could use?

  • R.Crusoe

    In a school yard I think the 'bully' or perceived bully should be interviewed and asked about what they do!

    I think that should be a standard procedure!

    The problem lies with bullies who are so incredibly intent on herm that they repeatedly threaten individuals on the quiet and out of ear shot so as to cause fear and trepidation of the 'unknown'!

    In fact it's a religious 'steal' telling someone they had better do as they are told or else someone big and angry will beat them up- albeit not a man in the sky in such cases as this!

    There are psychological bullies and physical ones and complex as humans behaviour is, one sometimes precipitates the other and not always against ones that it should!

    Tough question - some are so devious you will never catch them or pin them down when you know whereas ones less devious will sometimes take all the heat - having been conditioned as well trained fall guys!

  • delilah

    A friend of mine recently told me that her daughter has been bullied at school by other girls, because she is a little chunky too. These girls are 6 and 7 year olds.

    She has talked with the teachers about it, but it continues. So my friend has offered to come to class and speak to them herself about bullying. I have yet to hear the results.

    Loosie, have you talked with the parents of these bullies? Not that it would matter much anyways, most parents don't give a damn what their kids are doing anymore.

    It doesn't get any better the older they get either, unfotunately, and the girls are worse than the boys anymore. It's disgusting!!

    Best of wishes to your sweet little one. Sometimes life and other kids suck!!

  • R.Crusoe

    I have seen some extraordinarilly skilled teachers organise circle discussions and stories and even support groups of friends for children who are disadvantaged in some way.

    It is sometimes amazing how when a disabled child is in the class and they agree it is ok to talk about how they feel and how their daily life can be tough! Th eother children usually develop greater empathy skills and excellent teacers can help focus this on other conditions naturally occuring amongst the human race which can cause deep sadness and how frienship really helps them!

    Helping a child develop a support group is an excellent way to combat victimisation!

    Bullies are sometimes poorly educated in some way or surprisingly themselves deeply hurt inside.

    Helping even young children learn about taking on a role to actively help or be friendly toward selective others is a major contributor to fostering community within a classroom situation, though with some groups it can be extremely difficult to do - especially if too many children have been imprinted with dominant/judgemental characteristics.

    Big subject this so whoosh - I'm gone!

  • llbh

    All bullies have inferiority complexes so once that is realised it helps.

    The best things to do with bullies are to ignore them if possilble, and form supportive friendships.

    When in the context of a school if possible involve the school as soon as possible, The bully will also lilkley be making life miserable for others too



  • jamiebowers

    If you Google bullying there are tons of websites with advice for the bullied child and his or her parent. Your child has a right to a free public education, so I wouldn't let this drop. You can contact the principal of your daughter's school and insist that some type of program be put in place. In my part of Ohio, there is a woman named Susan Tucker with the Summit County Domestic Relations Court that institutes programs in schools. I covered one of her seminars for the newspaper I wrote for at the time, and it was really informative. The programs are multi-tiered and involved kids, parents, teachers and school staff. It's been a while since I attended the seminar, but what stands out most clearly in m my mind is that the kids program included a peer group that actually took part in dealing with a bully. One of the exercises was that kids in the peer group actually surrounded the one being bullied with their backs turned to the bully. Though completely silent, it was quite compelling. Most kids have been bullied at one time or another, so formation of this peer group should be pretty easy. The vast majority of bullies are troubled children who must be singled out by adults and children alike, before their behavior escalates to criminal activity. One of the stories related by Tucker was about a policeman's son who was assaulted by a bully. No action was taken, because the police officer was familiar with the bully's criminal parents, and he felt sorry for the kid. A few years later that bully committed a murder. Good luck and God bless!

  • momzcrazy

    My daughter had a little girl physically hurting her in the 3rd and 4th grade. We tried the "have empathy for her rough life" route. We tried talking to the teachers. Finally we told her to give as good as she was getting. If she was hit, hit back harder and so on. I told the principle I told her to do that. I got the, "Now Mrs Somerville, that could result in disciplinary action towards 'C'." I said, "That's OK. If she gets in trouble for standing up for herself, then I will pick her up from school and take her for ice cream". One fistfight stopped the problem and they actually became friends.

    I was picked on too. I found it helped to beat them to the punch. Whatever they found to pick on me about, I joked about it first. The best thing I can say is to build up her confidence. Your constant reassurance that she will outgrow the awkward stage and will become a swan will help. And tell her they do this to raise themselves up, and how pitiful is that?

    I feel for her, but you are a loving momma. So she will be OK, and hopefully it strengthens her for rough adult life.


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