My JW uncle died -- going to visitation.

reneeisorym

I was a 5th generation JW so I have my whole entire family in this borg.

My uncle died yesterday. He was the one that owned the antebellum home I grew up in (built in 1837). His son was a very dear friend of mine because we were close to the same age. His son was always so dear to me (few years younger than me). He had the sweetest wife ever. She was actually kind and comassionate unlike most JWs.

He died Wednesday and they are having visitation tonight. I can't bring myself to go to the funeral no matter how much I want to. I think it would bring back too many memories and I just can't take it. I can handle going to the visitation at the funeral home. All of my JW family will be there that I haven't spoken to in 2 1/4 years: From my dear grandmother who taught me how to cook in her kitchen when I was young -- to my dad -- to my cousins I grew up playing with and being best friends with until the DA ...

This is really emotional for me. I would really like to hear about your experiences with such things. How did it go? I would just like an idea of what to expect -- even if it's bad.

Thanks! Renee

OnTheWayOut

I don't have an experience to share here that would fit, but what you can expect is that
some will stay loyal to the WTS and shun you or say hello but virtually nothing else.
Others will break out of their cult mindset and be themselves on the solemn occasion.
They might hug you and say kind words to you. Don't let their cult mindset words
destroy you if they do that and then say, "Come back to Jehovah" or such nonsense.
Appreciate what difficulty they have doing anything that WTS says is wrong.

reneeisorym

I know they are going to say "come back to Jehovah" if they say anything. I'm trying to decide what to reply with. I have to say something. I'm just not the quiet type. But I dont' want to make anyone upset at the already emotional situation either. I want to be respectful.

babygirl75

Renee...I so sorry for your loss & I'm thinking of you!!!

The only funeral I've been to since being df'd is my grandmother who was a JW. Most of the family did talk to me. The witnesses were another story. The acted as if I wasn't there and just skipped over me in the receiving line. I didn't really care though, I just acted like they weren't there either! I did have some "worldly" family on my dad's side that came, Thank god!, and I spent most of the time talking to them. It's not the easiest situation on top of being emotional over loosing a family member. But just be strong! It's their problem if they want to act as if you are not there, not yours! Just be yourself and kill them with kindness!!!

Babygirl....

OnTheWayOut

IMO- Don't use stinging words. Remember, your uncle died.
You are here to receive and/or give comfort.

"Come back to Jehovah."

"Thank you for your thoughts."
"I am fine, how are you?"
"I love you too."

"Aren't you [still] out of the truth?"

"I am fine, how are you?"
"I love you, too."

The harder one by staunch JW's-

"You are not welcome here."

(This one deserves a jab back at the person who says it)
"Should we take a poll?"
"If Uncle had to ask one of us to leave, it would probably be you before me."

reneeisorym

Thanks for sharing ...

I am thinking it should be fun having my husband there that doesn't know these people. I can just say in a normal voice (not whisper) things like -- "See that lady there, that's my grandmother that I told you taught me how to cook." "See that man? That's your father-in-law" "That lady there is my aunt that I grew up next door to."

And if anyone says "Come back to Jehovah" .. I think I'll say "There's far greater love, peace, and happiness where I am but thank you for your concern."

Thoughts? Or do I need to work on my resentment showing a bit? I just MUST be there because my uncle's son hasn't been baptized, he's 22, and has spoken very kind words to me from time to time since I left. I need to go for him. He needs to know I care.

snowbird

Renee, my condolences.

Just do the kind and respectful thing which you're so good at doing.

Sylvia

Barbie Doll

.. I think I'll say "There's far greater love, peace, and happiness where I am but thank you for your concern."

I think you got it. I am sorry for your loss.

alt

bavman

Here's my experience.

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/9/106313/1.ashx

Jim_TX

Renee - my condolences on your loss...

In the past 10 years - or so - I have lost my oldest sister (dropped away JW), my mother (JW), and another sister (JW) - in that order.

I went to all of the JW services. The services are the same - at the funeral home - and the gravesite. It is a pre-written outline that they go by - and there is nothing in it about the person - or what they did while alive.

(Actually - I remember very little about the actual sermon being preached - as I let my mind wander to memories of when I was a kid - and my sister - and other memories. Times like these are good for reflecting.)

I would tell you to go - and do not worry about the others there. There is usually very little conversation - unless you want it.

At the last funeral I went to for my sister - there were some old JW-friends there. I was standing in the back, and could see that this poor woman was distraught - especially after seeing me. She started weeping. So, I came out from the back and went up to her and gave her a good hug. I don't think that she expected it - but I was trying to make her feel better.

Renee... I would say - go - to the service - but remain respectful. Rise above their remarks. Do not answer them if they ask questions - or give them a short reply - that ways very little.

Ex - "Where have you been?"

"Have you met my husband?"

And if anyone says "Come back to Jehovah"

"Have you met my husband?"

This throws them off balance for a second - and takes the focus from what they want to say.

Bottom line - be classy - like the woman that you are.

Regards,

Jim TX

My JW uncle died -- going to visitation.

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