What Injustices Did You Deal With From Congregation Elders ?

by flipper 20 Replies latest jw friends

  • flipper

    First of all I want to say at the outset , that this thread is only about elders who committed injustices. I realize there are many ex-elders on the board here , and as a disclaimer I want to say this information is not meant to offend any of you who served in that capacity . I think most all of you had pure , sincere motives in serving the congregations . However I feel this subject was a big enough problem which I saw repeated over and over in my 44 years in the witness organization that it deserves discussion ; so some can feel free to communicate about it - so as to in time heal from the things they suffered and dealt with.

    A few of the things I dealt with personally myself or was eyewitness to was as follows :

    1. I was told by the elders to accept back a drug abusing ( methamphetamine addict ) wife who had left me , and put my teenage children in danger of emotional, verbal, and physical abuse .

    2. I watched my older sister be married for years to a witness man who physically abused her, raped her violently as to damage her sex organs , beat her, emotionally yelled and screamed at her for years. The elders sage advice to my sister : " You need to work at being a better wife. You obviously have done something to make your husband angry . "

    3. I watched as the elders ran up to the stage quieting down a man who was letting the congregation know that another brother was a child molester . He did this because he did not think the elders would do anything to correct the problem.

    4. Had an elder personally come up to me and tell me to not associate with his teenage daughter who had turned him in to the elders for abuse - he claimed his daughter was on , " slippery ground spiritually " which was a false statement. He was just trying to save his reputation from people finding out about his abusive behavior.

    These are just a few of the things I have seen or witnessed over the years . Many more will come to mind after hearing your experiences . The problem was we were all told when we were young that these men were " crags in a waterless country " put there to comfort us in times of need. Many times in my life I felt I was being unjustly attacked, misunderstood, or having wrong motives imputed to me for some offense or action , I did not even commit! It drove me round the bend so much where to this day - I bristle when someone in authority tries to control me or give me orders on what to do. So, what experiences did you have of being treated unjustly ? And how did it affect you ? Are you trying to heal from it like myself ? I'm doing better than I was - but I still have an aversion to being controlled . As always , I look forward to your thoughts ! Hope you are well, hang in there ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper

  • nomoreguilt

    I will refer you to my first post on the board. I don't like talking about it. When you read it, the brother in whose house this took place was MINE and the one son was MINE.


  • looloo

    hi there lflipper, what awful experiances you had , while all those things were going on did it make you question if it was the truth or did you see it as imperfect man ? my experiances were 1 an elder told a disfellowshipped guy thaatwas returning to meetings to not bother coming back till he "got over" me (we had been having an affair but i returned to meetings and encouraged him to do the same as i couldnt cope with the guilt) a few years later the elder told me he had feelings for me for years , i was really shocked as he was old enough to be my dad ! within a year i had cut my ties with jws and got back with the disfellowshipped guy , we have been married a few years now and have a family (the elder had said to him once , get over her because you will never be with her,and can never marry her ) i dont think the holy spirit was guiding him with his advice ,was it ?2 this same elder told a friend to put up and shut up when her husband knocked her about , how christ like ! 3 when i approached an elder about our approaching court case (my child was abused by an ex min servant that the elders had never reported when they were made aware he had abused kids in the cong years earlier) he said to me i dont know what you are talking about and dont want to know and walked off !! how christ like again!!! i personally found some elders quite gossipy and considering i was only a study i was told too much info about members of the cong .

  • R.Crusoe

    The injustice that you psychologically are programmed to take their word as Gods word when in fact it is opinions of men!

    And ones in position of authority are exercising utterly imperfect human perceptions then quoting personally selected scriptures to justify points that are often vaguely related to the issues being addressed!

    So the injustice lies in the 'holistic' judiciary of elders acting as representative of the 'divine reality'.

    They play god and think you should accept that!

  • WTWizard

    I had to deal with a lead hounder that must have been envy personified. He would sabotage anything I tried to do that would put me in a better position than the crappy one he volitionally got himself into. He used rules that were targeted to prevent me from drawing anywhere near the opposite sex, and used the hounder-hounder behind my back to make the sisters reject me. All because, since he gets zero physical exercise and so does his family, they are all tubs of lard and way out of shape (and their health suffers from it).

  • crapola

    When my daughter was having problems as a teenager a few years ago, one of the elders told us in a "meeting' to show respect, that when were talking to him we were talkiing to Jehovah. I wish now that I had told him exactly where he could go with his superior attitude but at the time I sat there like a meek little lamb ready for the slaughter and took it. My daughter never was the same about the meetings or any part of it after that and I really don't think I was either.

    He is no longer in this cong. In fact shortly after that happened, he found out that own teenage daughter was in the same kind of trouble.What goes around, comes around does'nt it?

  • flipper

    Great experiences folks ! I will answer you one by one and I have another experience to share .

    NO MORE GUILT- We have talked my friend and I realize how much hurt you and your son went through with the injustices that occurred. I hope you have been able to find some kind of healing since then. I care.

    LOOLOO- In answer to your question when I personally went through the experience of bad counsel from the elders giving me their personal opinion about taking back my druggie wife - that was the last straw for me ! I knew then they were not inspired of God . A light just instantly went on in my head and I walked out of the kingdom hall - never going back !

    What a pervert that elder was telling you he had feelings for you - Jeez ! He just wanted to get rid of the man you loved so he could have you . Twisted guy. Was the elder married ? I'm glad you got back with the DFed guy - he sounded more sane ! Another elder telling your girlfriend to put up with a husband's abuse ? Sick. And a very typical and hurtful thing - the elder turning his back on you and not listening to allegations of the ministerial servant having molested your child. Some of these twisted elders should have been put in prison themselves for their neglecting children's rights !

    R. CRUSOE- It certainly is an injustice how elders control you psychologically . Elders make you think they are God's spokesmen when they are just men who use the toilet like us. They do twist scriptures to their own advantage and play God !

    WT WIZARD- It sounds like you had an elder who was envious of you ! He was probably envious and jealous that the sisters liked you.

    CRAPOLA- That is the epitome of arrogance that elder claiming that talking to him- was like talking to Jehovah ! Where do these guys come up with this stuff ? With their holier than thou attitudes ! Sounds like he got a taste of his own medicine with his daughters behavior - yes what goes around , comes around !

    MR. FLIPPER - I actually have another experience on my own thread here. This brings to mind what I considered the ultimate insult me and my wife experienced at the hand of the elders - even though I had not gone to meetings in 3 years ! Early last year the elders brought up false charges against me of " circumstantial fornication " saying I slept with my wife one month before I married her. The elders chased me down 100 miles from where I used to go to their meetings to falsely accuse me. I refused to meet in a judicial committee with them claiming my innocence . So they disfellowshipped me because I didn't meet with them. It took 10 months to conclude my fight against them by appealing the DFing decision and because they had no evidence against me ; the Watchtower society instructed them to overturn the DFing decision. But, it sucked 10 months off my emotional life , constantly fielding their harassing phone calls which creeped the hell out of my wife. But the only reason I fought against them was so I could still talk with my witness dad 82, and mom 80. I was not going to let the elders tell me if I could see my parents or not. I'm sure glad that's over with . The elders haven't bothered me since . Probably due to the lawsuit I threatened them with if they DFed me , and slandered me

  • crazyblondeb

    In the congregation I grew up in an elder carried on an affair with a teenage friend of mine-- with his wife's blessing. The wife was "teaching" her, so that if something ever happened to her, my friend would be there. Now, she was a minor. Doesn't that make it "child molesting"? He was eventually df'd. He moved to south Missouri, got reinstated, and is an elder, again. I was told by an elder here, that if you are accused of this, you aren't suppose to hold any positions. I see how that is working for them!!!!

    My stepdad was a MS. He molested me for years. Of course, it was my fault. blah, blah, blah.......NOT!!!!!!

    There was another elder, a cousin to the first one, who was always in on my "elder's meetings"--always looking down his nose. His kids turned out just like me. Karma bit him in his rosy ass!!

  • flipper

    CRAZYBLONDEB- I'm so sorry that your stepfather molested you. I hope you have got some healing in time and counseling to deal with things. Your girlfriend had an affair with an elder? With his wife's blessing ? Wow ! Talk about twisted . It doesn't surprise me the jerk off was appointed an elder again - as these guys tend to be slippery snakes slipping through the cracks . There is a lot of injustices done in power positions in the witness organization. Take care friend, Peace out, Mr. Flipper

  • crazyblondeb

    Thanks flipper!!

    I have finally come to peace with what happened to me for the most part. I have dealt with suicide attempts, drug addiction....etc. Yes, I've had counseling. But what REALLY helped (and still does) is being here. Last year, I was on the board every spare minute.......This is where the healing truly began!!


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