by reniaa 383 Replies latest jw experiences
it would be nice to find friendship and people that I can relate too.
Again, this is a group that expects you to shed any sense of individuality so that you will be forced to "relate to them". You might as well start pretending to be a militant Islamist and join a suicide bombing group. No doubt you'll find the same feeling of camaraderie and good-fellowship among your allies.
I found the repentance issue interesting with your ex-boyfriend. He might want to consider scripture texts like when Jesus met Zacchaeus the Tax Collector in Luke 19. It might be worth having him look that one up himself and consider what his repentance consisted of. Take care, I wish you the best.
True Chickie - the only devotion each member is trained to fully trust lies in the imaginary friend aka WTBTS.
You will know all human affection is conditional and not genuine!
It will be a charade you feel at your core IMO.
Hi reniaa, welcome to the forum. You've been through a lot.
It seems the recurring theme here is that you've been disappointed by people. In my opinion, what people do should not make one leave the JWs, and what people do should not make one go back either. People are people, and there are good and bad both inside the JWs and outside. There should be more weighty reasons for leaving and more weighty reasons for going back, in my opinion (although there are probably a few exceptions to that 'rule').
If what people have done (or something else non-belief based) is the reason one leaves, I think it's easier to go back, because then one probably has a feeling it's the 'truth' in the back of one's head, and nothing to say otherwise.
You've been unlucky 'in the world', and/or made some bad choices (I'm not judging, just guessing). I think many of the same things could have been experienced inside the JWs, if you'd been comparably unlucky there.
-You had good friends, as did we all, and we've all lost them because we left. It's not easy to replace them with non-JWs - it takes time at least. But "strangers may now be friends you just haven't met yet" as they say, so you can afford to be choosy; there are a lot of people out there. If you don't drink much, try and find people who don't. If there's a hobby you like, try to find people with the same hobby or interests. Decide that you deserve better than what you've had so far, and ditch people who turn out to be bad for you (and do it as soon as you find out).
Atheism isn't necessarily for you, at least not at this point in life. Since I am an atheist, it may seem strange that I would say that, but I do agree with you that atheists can't replace a belief in the afterlife with another afterlife for instance, for obvious reasons.
With atheism, this life is what we get, and it's not a dress rehearsal (even Dr. Phil says that, heh). Atheists may seem cocksure of themselves, sometimes too much even for my tastes. But atheism is a strong conviction that a God does most likely not exist, so it's almost to be expected. They may seem arrogant when they 'attack' creationists, but often it is because the creationists hold 'scientific' concepts that have no backing in real, evidence based science. Atheism can't give you something that isn't there. Neither can religion, but at least it offers you the illusion. Perhaps that's more important sometimes (and I'm not being sarcastic here). And - as an atheist I have to concede that I do think this is the one life you get (no dress rehearsal), so how you choose to spend it and what you choose to believe in during it doesn't really concern me (unless you'd want creationism to be taught in science class or some such).
Will you be warmly welcomed if you go back? I bet you would. You'd be love bombed to death. And some of it would be sincere.
To me, intellectual honesty and integrity is important, so I couldn't go back knowing what I know. Not about the people, some of whom were my good friends, but about the teachings. But it is up to you. I'd rather advice you to find better friends and boyfriends, and either accept that this life is what we get, or find some kind of spiritual path that allows you to be intellectually free and at the same time gives you hope for the future. It's not my choice to make.
Good luck no matter what you choose to do.
Just to come right out and say it- I was raised a JW. Having kids was what lead me away. I didn't want to raise my daughters to be submissive housewives and selfless pioneers. I didn't want them to be discouraged from college when they *should* be looking for a man to pay the bills so they could pioneer. I didn't want to raise them without the joy of honoring their birthdays- and all the other joys of childhood. I didn't want them to be social rejects because of their differences.
I know you are looking for your own personal happiness. I think most of us can relate. But is the JW life what you want for your kids?
I KNOW it is out there... I know so many groups of people who are good, sincere, loving... maybe not perfect... but good to their core. Most of my friends fall in the secular humanist category and have either no church or go to the local UU church (uua.org). but I've also met beautiful people in a variety of faiths. There is community out there for people who are seeking as you are. If I were you I'd not focus on men or devotion to any organization- but work on seeking out community, as that sounds like what you really need.
fwiw, there is worlds of community out there in parenting circles... I've been a part of the most beautiful mama groups- and I've lived in 3 states (4 different regions) since I've been a mom. It hasn't been unique to one area.
Assuming you were baptized at one point, going back to the organization pregnant and unwed would qualify you for a JC. Going back only to be DF'd would probably be really world shattering for you right now, when you really need support and community more than ever.
I've been a faded JW for 10 years I left because of my failed first marriage, I'm no hypocrite and realised I had left completely so I embraced the world and dived in, Only christmas and birthdays I could not get into, they were too foreign to me having never celebrated them, like if I suddenly tried to do ramadan or something like that.
1/ All the criticisms of the people in the truth you say on here, I've found in the world, warts and all only in the world nothing holds them back from being utterly horrible to you.
2/ I got stabbed by a worldly boyfriend, I got married 2 times of my own choosing to men outside the truth, the first smoked and was an alcoholic, the second gambled every penny we had and defrauded me out of money after we separated, 2 divorces later I am currently pregnant and a single mum since current boyfriend decided kids was to much of a responsibility and he needed his freedom and I was 'too selfish to expect him to give up his life'.
3/ Parents-in-law! I have been shunned by them as equal to anything you accuse witness families of and for the silliest of reasons, I had a disabled son and his grandparents said they wanted nothing to do with him because they didn't want to become attached in case he died.
4/ I miss the honest friendships of the truth, I had friends of all ages from 14 to 80 years old and they genuinely cared for me, many trying to keep me in the faith a long time after I left but I was determined to fade so moved away completely, but I find friendships in the world so shallow in comparison and very hard to sustain :( I've never been a drinker and sometimes thats what friendship means you being a companion for them to goto pub with.
5/ My recent boyfriend was in a christian religion, I thought why not find out about it, Harvest churches if you ever heard of them, unfortunately it still hasn't stop him leaving me pregnant and alone and when I said to him how does he clear that with God, he replies "As long as I repent it doesn't matter" it's like he has a "get out of jail free card" for any wrong-doing in the bible, this is so alien to me and my witness trained conscience.
6/ I recently out of frustration tried looking into atheism and joined their forums, It wasn't fun, they are as bombastic and arrogant as their Religious counterparts can be from any religion, they make a religion out of not believing in God, It's very weird they talk of saving people from believing in god and offer nothing to replace it. They said to me "be happy you are in reality now and enjoy it" and I thought "well if this is reality I've had enough of it"
So here I am feeling like the prodigal daughter and thinking being among warm-hearted if strict people who will accept me back and give me a sense of community again that I haven't seen in any other christian faith for all I've looked, has gotta be better than being shoved and shunned and used by people who have stopped caring for each other and only think of themselves.
Your thoughts please?
Well Virginia, being in the so called "truth" is no sure way of finding a good marriage partner I wish it was but it’s not. And by the same token nothing holds anyone back from being mean to anyone except you (our selfs), people are people everywhere it sounds like to me your people picker is broke.
Some people need to have others do their thinking for them, it sounds like you are one of these people, don’t feel bad most Jehovah’s Witnesses have to have a organization or (others tell them how to think and what to do on most life choices, thus the attraction to cults and groups like them.
Again concerning your son, if you let people shun you and take their crap and let them heap it on you and those you love then I think you deserve it then to a degree, but remember your loved ones who cannot make rational informed choices should not be subjected to it under the guise of (truth and love of god).
You know really now, Christ is what matters not any religious group or more importantly the organization of Jehovah’s Witnesses who are led by a bunch demigods.
What you think you will find at the KH is an illusion because it's a cult. Everything is conditional and shallow. True, there can be a feeling of belonging but once again it is dependent on giving up your mind, body and entire life to a group of men who think they have the right to control every aspect of your life. Whatever experiences you have had, going back to the JW cult is not the right answer IMO. Please, for your own sake think very deeply before you do this. I wish you well.
Maddie
I dont accept she is wanting someone to think for her!
She simply wonders where love has gone in this self proclaimed greatest of all the species on planet Earth!
The same reason many leave millions to animals!
She feels love in her heart but finds it barren all around.
Unless you've been there you have no clue!
posts like these, I don't know whether to feel pity, anger, or disappointment.
Jim-Tx's comments,
"Most of all - ones' personal approach to life will affect ones' outcome. If one approaches it with a 'negative' attitude - most likely - one will have negative experiences. If one approaches it with a 'positive' attitude - most likely - one will have positive experiences. Also - negativity mainly attracts negative people - positivity attracts positive people. Not sure this bit makes sense... but it has worked for me." is right on!
My father, aged 92, has been in the "truth" since 1950. Just yesterday we talked, and he has the most negative outlook of any person I've ever talked with.
Even goes so far as to comment or complain near every time we talk, that "Jehovah is punishing him by keeping him alive so long".
You need to be around positive people and maintain a positive outlook on life both for you child(ren) and yourself.
As far as that boyfriend that got you pregnant, you'd be well off to never see him again, except to establish legally that he's your child's father, and make sure he pays the child support that he should be paying.
