BB, I so know what you mean. I have a huge family but most of them are JW's. Even though I do have a huge family, it's only me and my two kids. I miss the tight family feeling. I also get sad when I see a huge birthday party for someone knowing I have never had a "real" birthday party. I've been out since '04 and the only parties I have had is from my children. Don't get me wrong, I love it when my 9 year old son surprises me with a pot of coffee and scrambled eggs with bits of shell in it...and when my 3 year old daughter jams small b-day candles in one of my bigger candles saying "happy birthday", it's just, I would love to have a nice, bigger party from people I love. That's not gonna happen since they are all in and so I have to take it as~it is what it is.
Family :-(
by Bumble Bee 24 Replies latest jw experiences
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compound complex
Dear Mrs. Bee,
I do hope that you're feeling better now - so much fellow-feeling here!
We can all relate to what you are bemoaning and wish that our own family circumstances might be otherwise. It takes effort to maintain the ties that bind (and gag! - thanks, Erma ...). Even some of my non-JW family have said that, though they have reached out repeatedly to others, yet it often was a case of unrequited love. Still, they continue to reach out despite the the indifference or apathy of others.
Don't allow your good cheer and generosity of spirit be stifled!
Love,
CoCo
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Bumble Bee
Thank you all for your responses. We are a family here!
Babygirl - I wish you lived closer - we could be sisters!
BFD - you know I luvs ya! You're like a big brother to me.
We get along great, but, 90% of what I'm thinking I can't share with them. I feel like they have no the slightest clue who I am.
cognac - I feel the same way! My family doesn't really know the "real" me, they only see what they want to see.
I see what you are saying J-O - my step mother was never good at that, still isn't. I have no problem with sending out the invites, I just have a problem when you keep inviting, and they don't show up when they say they are going to. .
((((((nj))))) - I do have wonderful memories of my grandmother, and have some really cool aunts and uncles (non JW).
But I am gonna give you a bit advice ( again!!! you say).Why not write a letter to the one you saw on Facebook asking for donations. Tell her you would have loved to have participated in that quest.
Grace - I always listen to your advice - you have so much life experience to share with us all. Mem did send a message to our neice when we found out after the fact, but didn't hear back. Teenagers have other things on their minds, aunt's and uncle's don't really rate first priority! lol As for talking to the parents, been there, done that, and right now I'm not up to the emotional battle. It seems to fall on deaf ears anyways.
You and your husband are each others' family. People don't always find a wonderful mate to share their life with. Someone they actually like being around. But you have, so treasure that.
momz - thank you for that!
Cats are evil. My estate's going to Rocco.
FF
Freedom Frog - we should get together and have a big birthday party to make up for all the ones we missed out on!
Thank you for your kind words Jamie
CoCo - reading all the kind words and responses has certainly brightened my day!
BB
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Pioneer Spit...oh, i mean Spirit
Bumble Chick, I know what you mean. I have a big family, but we're a freaking mess because of this religion. We ARE what they call dysfunctional, disconnected, and there is 'no natural affection'.
On the other hand, you know what they say, Friends are family that you get to pick.
Hugs to you chica.
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raindog
I understand what you are going through, Bee, I have been going through a similar situation with my family. I posted a topic about a month ago "terminating ties with parents". The situation has eased up a bit but I am still angry. I feel like I have some sort of disease or something when I am around them. I was not invited to be a part of my jw brother's wedding, even though I was invited. I was surprised they had me in the family photos. Just the other day by dad was having chest pains and I offered to stay home and drive him to the hospital, if need be. No, I was told, they would call someone from the hall. I just dont understand how someone can treat a family member like a leper because of differences in religous philosophy
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Open mind
Hey BB,
Sad to think about what might have been.
Don't spend too long there. (Your most recent post shows you haven't.)
If/when I lose my blood/marriage JW family, I'll focus more energy on a non-traditional "family". It's all I can do.
Say Hi to Mario for me.
The sun will come out and it'll be motorcycle weather before you know it.
OM
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yumbby
I come from a large family that has been fractured from to many bad things happening over the years, and I've had to come to the sad conclusion that they just aren't going to be a part of my life after all these years. Its hard not to be bitter but I find comfoort in friends and have realized that they have been there for me through the rough times and been better family than family ever was. In fact every Christmas we have a wonderful "orphan christmas" of all our friends that have no family to go home to. I hope you can work yourself in a similiar situation and find peace through surrogate family. :)
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Tatiana
Bee....I know exactly what you mean. I read everyones posts, and with each one it's more and more obvious that truly they are a divisive and unloving cult. Because of this religion, I haven't seen my mother in over 14 years. Which is probably a good thing. I only got to see my aunt from Maine maybe 3 times in my entire life. Her and my mother (sisters) argued about this religion constantly. One of my uncles also was not allowed to associate with us. I remember her making me tell him @ 5 years old that he was going to be destroyed at Armageddon. Why would he want to hang around?
So, he missed out on seeing us grow up. We email each other frequently now, but he lives in TX, and I haven't seen him in over 20 years. Or my cousins. I have four cousins I have not seen in so long, I wouldn't know them if I saw them. We keep talking about having some kind of reunion before it's too late. This uncle was so angry with my grandma (his mom) and my mom (his sister) for giving granddad a witness funeral, and granddad was a Freemason, he didn't speak to her for over 10 years. It was that plus all the other JW garbage that had gone on in the past. He was just fed up.
My mother even tied to get me to stop talking with my anointed uncle, because he started giving me books on dream meanings. My brother ran away from home @ 12 because she was trying to force him to get baptized. I did not see him again until he was 20. We tried to become close, and we call and email, but he's moved to CA, and I don't know when I will see him again.
Now, I concentrate on MY family. My children. My grands. My nieces in SC. I am the matriarch. There is no patriarch. I tell everyone in the family..."If you have an argument with your bro or sis, (and they do argue) when it comes time for a get-together, all that gets put aside. When it comes time for one of the kids birthday parties, or Christmas dinner, etc. any disagreements can wait until WE HAVE FUN!! "
We go bowling together. Out to eat. To the water park. Ice skating. We have a huge 4th of July cookout every year at Grant Park. We don't shun each other. I won't allow it. The little kids come first. They are having a big birthday party Saturday for my grandson, Stephon. He will be 5. Everyone is going to Funland. Well, except me. But, I have arranged for my son to take his laptop, so I can sing Happy Birthday to him.
I will never allow my family to be split apart like ours was. I told my daughter I didn't care if she decided to be some kind of voodoo priestess and walked around with shrunken heads around her neck, she would still be my daughter, and those are still my grands. And nothing would keep me from seeing them.
As Grace said, though. You and your mate are "family," Bee......I don't have a mate anymore, so my children are what I have. Plus friends here (despite my recent whining--WHAP!) And we have to make the very most of what we have. We've all already lost enough.
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saywhat29
God, I so want a "non"traditional family too 'cause mine drive me up the effin' wall. I wanna have a kid or two with my husband Wentworth Miller that we share with a couple of lesbians because with 4 people, like kids can't be that annoying. "Go to your other dad! And if he's not there then call one of your mothers 'cause I swear! I'm fed up with you right now kid!"
But that's my vision of my own family apart from the one I have. I love them as of course everyone loves there family. And I know they love me too but I have the same problem as cognac (i think) stated when she said that they really do not kow me but want what they see. I'm really opinionated, liberal, and just not what they want dammit. And the JW stuff aside sometimes they are just irrational as hell. I can't really talk to them anymore and they really don't wanna talk to me either when I think about it.
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dawg
On family... I know what you mean, but I've been thinking lately how fu**ing screwed up family can be. I won't bother to name names, but I've read posters here that have showed me how damn good I had it, even though my family are wack job JW's.. Some of you have had wack job JW families whose Dad's have molested you... So, I've went through life miserable with my plight, not realizing how damn bad others have had it... they had the same things happen to them and molestation occurred among other things.
I know we all want family, but do we want drunk, abusive, molesters, as family... fact it, if your family tells you that you must believe like them about anything, especially God, then their abusive... I don't need abusive people in my life... but I'm still sad that we all had to go through this...