A Difficult time...........

by ScoobySnax 14 Replies latest jw friends

  • anglise

    Hi SS

    FWIW I think that the main problem is your understanding of the JW beliefs.

    If you honestly believe that they are right then you will always be unhappy unless you become totally committed to their teachings and renounce your present life and love. As it stands it would appear that you can only give a part of yourself to the person and life that you are now leading. Is that really enough or even fair to you and your partner.

    Limping on 2 opinions is a valid scenario whether in or out of the JW system.

    For the good of your mental health you must once and for all prove the veracity of all that the WTBTS teaches and stands for. Surely you will admit that you owe this to yourself and your partner. This will of course take time and effort to throughly research.

    You love and respect your mother but you are not a little child to be coerced by subtle veiled threats and innuendos however innocuous they appear.

    You will at the end of your search be left with the scenario of deeply dissappointing either your mother or your partner but by then you should be totally convinced by your choice.

    Sorry I hope this doesnt seem uncaring or harsh.

    Good luck with your future


  • JWdaughter

    Since you are asking for input. . .

    I would assure your mom of your undying love and appreciation for her. I would tell her that you appreciate the values such as love, honesty, ethical behavior that you have learned from her. Tell her you respect that her faith is very strong and you regret that you can't share it (substantively?) with her-but (if you don't) you don't share them. You can say how you feel it would be so unloving, dishonest and unethical to present yourself as a regular JW/study/wanna be when you don't believe it and you certain will not live it. Remind her that you will not be dating girls-but you will be considered by all who don't know you to be a potentially eligible catch. How awkward would that be for her? You would be raising false hopes in everyone who loves her and (loves or knows) you in the congregation. Knowing that you won't change will just make you feel like a piece of **** sitting in the seats with her. And if you are already DF'd/shunned, you will feel crappy, PLUS pissed off at the way they treat you. So, your going is not going to accomplish anything spiritually. The only thing it will do is give everyone, including her, false hope that you can be 'changed', and it isn't happening. Perhaps you could assure her that if you EVER feel like going back to the hall is the right thing for you to do-a possibly correct choice for you, that you would go back gladly. At this point, you would be a fraud, and you won't do that-even for her, especially for her.

    I can tell you are torn because you do love her. Make sure she knows the part about you loving her. Thats the most important thing she really needs to hear.

  • SPAZnik

    I've come to believe that all our parents truly need or want from us
    is to hear in our voices and see on our faces
    that they did a good job raising us
    in spite of themselves
    and that we are healthy, thriving and happy.

    Live well and let your mom know you are okay. That's all you owe her.
    The WTS won't give her any assurances that her life's work of raising you was well done,
    but YOU can and must reassure her every chance you get.

    The "group think" inherent to the witless culture
    can be found in a lot of places and if it wasn't over this particular issue,
    those seeking to control and limit other would find something else for it to be over.

    Just love who you love to the very best of your ability at all times.
    Don't let anyone sidetrack you from that for "they know not what they do".

    Be a good son. (Not a good son by anyone else's interpretations,
    just a son who loves his mom).

    Live a happy, productive, loving life to the best of your ability.
    Rather than being judgemental with yourself, be gentle with yourself.


  • momzcrazy

    You could look at it this way. In the archaic Bible, a man left his father and mother and was to stick with his wife. In your case this happens to be a man. As an adult you make decisions your parents may not like. As your parents, they should love you anyway. In JWland, they may love you but not be able to show you because of the shunning practice.

    It is your job as an adult to make your own way in this scary world. That means all the decisions are yours alone, because you must live with the consequences. If you have found someone to love you while you navigate your path, you are very fortunate. Many don't find that. So love your parents. Love Nick. Your parents will love you no matter what decision you make. And as parents they will tell you if they don't like your decisions. They will never stop worrying about you, and will always want the best for you. But you make your own decisions now and they will have to accept them. Listen to their advice but do what YOU think is best. Then live with the consequences, good or bad.

    Good Luck to you and your love.


  • Maddie

    Of course you love your mother and don't want to hurt her and that shows you to be a decent caring human being. As a mother myself there are many things my sons have done that I haven't liked or agreed with, but I shall always love them. It sounds like your mother's main concern is brought on by being a JW so hopefully whatever you decide won't change the way she is with you. I hope not anyway.


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