Shunned at the hall for not sticking to the program

truthseeker

Our congregation likes bums on seats.

One sister recently said, "if you're not able to be regular for whatever reason, they treat you like you have leprosy."

This is true in my case - I am an active fader - I haven't been out on service since last summer, I don't attend book studies but

I am married and have to support my wife lest she get these pity looks from the friends.

Elders and their wives ignore me - some even talk to my wife while I'm next to her but ignore me.

It's weird - I think maybe some resent my freedom from the program - the freedom to just turn up or leave half way through the talk.

I don't really deal with it - I don't know what to say.

How would you deal with this situation?

OnTheWayOut

I don't have much of a suggestion, but to brace the spouse for increasing your fade,
then not being there for them to ignore you.

"Dear, they shun me now. I just don't want to be there with that."

She has to get used to your absence. Any excuse is hollow. You aren't making her
uncomfortable or forcing her to go.

truthseeker

Thanks OnTheWayOut,

Wife knows how I feel and is preparing for my eventual exit. She doesn't believe everything, but she has family in and it could be hard for her to just quit.

The Oracle

hey truthseeker,

I long to be where you are at. One thing I can say to you - is embrace your freedom!

I'm not there yet - I am still in and doing what I can for the sake of real righteousness as a double agent elder. Helping to destroy the organization from the inside and to free as many innocent minds as I can brings some level of satisfaction - HOWEVER...the real satisfaction will come when I begin my fade. When I can start missing meetings and actually move on with some other worthwhile activities. I think I'll always be an advocate against the tryranny of the WT. I have seen how it messes up too many lives to give up the fight against it completely...but I'll tell you something - I am looking forward to the next phase - which is where you are at now!! The phase after that - where you stop going altogether will be sweet as well, but savor this phase while you are still in it - use it as much as you can to show the JWs still in how CRAZY and UNLOVING they all really are. I would be extra nice and outgoing to everyone at the hall. They need to know that you have never been happier in your whole life~!

Peace to you.

The Oracle

oompa

Truthseeker: I am married and have to support my wife lest she get these pity looks from the friends.

In line with my brother OTWO, I think you may be fooling yourself a bit, and are ready for the next level of fade. If you miss a ton of meeting and no longer go knockin, then your wife may already get the "pity looks from the friends." But that idea may be just in your head, like it was with me.

In my case, now totally faded, my wife seems to get more support and friendship from the borg, esp. her closests friends. She callse me to go in lunch with the group of "friends" on Sunday, and heck I go, unshaven, jeans&T, and tell them what a great morning I had reading the paper and making espresso! .............oompa

Bumble Bee

Elders and their wives ignore me - some even talk to my wife while I'm next to her but ignore me.

This could be something you use to discontinue going to the rest of the meetings. Tell your wife it just hurts you too much to sit there and be ignored. Is this offering you encouragement to WANT to be at the meetings? This is really unloving behaviour. If they really wanted you to attend the meetings, they would be love bombing you at the meetings you are at.

Lack of love is what makes most people leave.

Can you feel the love?? NOPE

Good luck!

BB

Dagney

It's weird - I think maybe some resent my freedom from the program - the freedom to just turn up or leave half way through the talk

I think that might be true. I experience a similar distance and distaste from prior old friends...and I think it's for the same reason you stated. I know the way they treat me has nothing to do with me...it's all their own internal "stuff" they have to deal with to keep up appearances. Understandable, but not nice to treat others badly or rudely.

quietlyleaving

truthseeker

I have to tell you, I went to a sunday meeting recently after a long absence. My daughter who is fading also went. Hubby is a JW. Well we both separately noted that all the sisters were very welcoming but the brothers completely ignored us. An MS who was very close to my daughter turned away from her but his wife hugged and kissed her. This wasn't the only incident.

We left after the talk. The elders and MS' seem to follow us out. An MS stood in front of the coats and would not let me get mine. He only stepped aside when my husband came along and got my coat for me.

Turns out my husband has been saying "you'll have to ask QL" whenever JWs ask for me at the meetings - anathema to JWs particularly to the brothers I'm thinking, unless of course they also know I'm an apostate .

White Dove

That's what WTS teaches them to be, @$$ /-/0L3$!

choosing life

Taking care of your wife and marriage is what is important now. What the others think or do about you doesn't matter. Spend extra time and effort on your wife. the jws will want to see your marriage fail if you become a "spiritual endangerment" to your wife.

Get ahead of the program and good luck with your fade.

Shunned at the hall for not sticking to the program

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