My father died last Monday, the 4 th at the age of 82. He had suffered from severe Alzheimer’s for the last few years. His funeral was yesterday. As my brother and I made the arrangements (my mother died in 2003) he suggested and I agreed that we would each give a eulogy. I know that being a JW from 1973 till 2001 had damaged my relationships with my parents and many of my relatives. For instance, I didn’t attend the funerals of either of his parents, since they were in a church. I’m sure that must have hurt him a lot. Of course, there were 30 years of Christmas and other celebrations for which we were absent, as well as family reunions. I knew that I had hurt, not only my parents, but many of my relatives as well, by ostracizing them.
After 5 or 10 minutes of relating anecdotes from the past, I’ll relate how I concluded, to an audience of about 60, mostly family, to the best of my recollection (and yes, I did get pretty choked up getting some of the words out):
"Today is primarily about Pete. But it’s also about all of us. And I feel it’s an appropriate time to set something straight. I’ll address my concluding remarks, especially to members of our family. In 1973, at the age of 22, I made a mistake. A big, big mistake. I decided to join the religion of Jehovah’s Witnesses. I had become fully convinced that I had found the "true path". For almost 30 years I totally devoted my life and energy to this religion. I now appreciate that it was a false path, and I was actually part of a cult. Like most cults, this one emphasized alienation from family who are not members. I know that this damaged my relationship with my father and mother and with many of you over the years. I first began to understand what had happened in 2003. By then it was too late to apologize to my mother, who died that year. But it was also too late to apologize to Pete, since he had entered the first stages of Alzheimers, and I didn’t want to cause further confusion and burden him with this. So today, I want to kind of vicariously apologize to them by apologizing to you, and I hope you will forgive me for having a self-righteous attitude and isolating myself from my family during all those years."
Placing my hand on the coffin and looking at it, I continued, "Pete and I never talked about this. Life and death and the meaning of everything. For 30 years I thought I had it all figured out. Now I realize I don’t have it figured out at all. And sometimes, when I look around me, I wonder if there really is anything to figure out. Maybe it’s like the joke about the old, wise rabbi. As he lay on his deathbed, his students lined up, each one wanting to speak with him for a moment and glean some morsel of wisdom. The boy at the front of the line said, ‘Rabbi, teach me the secret of life. Give me the best of your wisdom.’ The old rabbi turned his head slowly toward the young student and gazed intently at his face. After a long moment he spoke, ‘Life. . . . . . . . . . . .is like a river.’ The boy stared at him in wonder. The boy behind him tapped him on the shoulder excitedly and asked, ‘What did he say? What did the rabbi tell you?’ The boy at the front of the line told him, ‘The rabbi said, Life is like a river.’ Then the boy behind the second boy tapped him on the shoulder and asked, ‘What did he say? What did he say?’ The second boy turned around and said, ‘Life is like a river’. And so the message was passed all the way back to the end of the line until the last boy was told, ‘Life is like a river.’ The last boy, puzzled, tapped the boy in front of him and asked, ‘Why is life like a river?’ The boy shrugged his shoulders and said, ‘I don’t know.’ So he then tapped the boy in front of him and asked, ‘Why is life like a river?’ And so the question passed it’s way back up to the front of the line. And as the boy at the front was asked the question, he turned to the rabbi and asked, ‘Rabbi, why is life like a river?’ The rabbi, pondering the question for a long moment, turned to the student and raising his hand said, in a frustrated tone, ‘So. . . . . . . . life is not like a river!’"
The joke got a pretty good laugh. After my brother shared his remarks, his two daughters came up to speak, with many tears. Of course, they mainly commented on their grandfather. But the younger then said while crying, "And we’re so glad to have Uncle Lenny back in the family." At the reception afterwards, many came up to me and expressed their appreciation for what I had said. And I got some really long hugs.
I just thought I’d share this.