my dissfelowshipped hub not happy about our child visiting grandma

by looloo 37 Replies latest jw friends

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  Anti-Christ

  Witnesses don't form relationships, they take hostages. Keep em away!

  I'm going to use that one! If you don't mind of course.

  Me and my wife are expecting our first child and this was something we are trying to figure out because we are not DFed but we have not gone to a meeting for over 2 years so we are sort of unofficially DAed. I really would not leave my child alone with my believing in-laws or my believing dad, it's very sad but it's almost impossible for them to respect your wishes when it comes to religion.
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  myababes

  I think i must be the only one who doesn't agree with anyone on this subject.

  The child is going to grow up without a grandmothers prescence in their life and that is a vital aspect of a childs development. My grandaughter visits her JW grandparents frequently (she is 8) and occasionally goes to the meetings with them. Granted they are a pretty balanced couple who lets her draw etc whilst she is there and takes her to all the nice parts of it like parties etc and have never shunned us or made us feel as if we are second class individuals and don't preach at her (She doesn't even know who Jehovah is!). So I suppose its all individual.

  Being a grandma myself I know the rewards a grandchild brings and I don't think it is fair to deprive any one of the joy of knowing what the pleasues of having a grandchild is.
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  AudeSapere

  myababes wrote: I don't think it is fair to deprive any one of the joy of knowing what the pleasues of having a grandchild is.

  Did you catch the opening line of this thread?

  i have finally got grandma to agree to seeing her grandchild

  We are not talking about a grandmother who is chosing to gain access in this case. This is a non-jw person begging the JW to get involved. I think this is a big mistake.

  I personally think this is a sign of a truly brainwashed cultist. She did not even attempt to visit on her own but had to be persuaded by the child's mother.
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  Black Sheep

  Being a grandma myself I know the rewards a grandchild brings and I don't think it is fair to deprive any one of the joy of knowing what the pleasues of having a grandchild is.

  Grandma JW will not respect your wishes to have a relationship with your child. Her mission is to create a new recruit and, when her mission is complete, she will encourage your child to shun you.

  Is that fair?

  Chris
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  cognizant dissident

  Grandparents can be a beneficial influence in a child's life, but not necessarily. If the grandparent is violent, abusive, addicted, etc, then a child is better off with no grandparent. The granparent role can be filled nicely with more appropriate elderly substitues who WILL have a beneficial effect on the child. This grandma is pshychologically abusive. Shunning is psychological abuse if it is done for no other reason than to control someone and force them to believe what you want them to believe.

  The grandma can be in the child's life if she chooses. Do what NORMAL families do. Invite Grandma over for dinner as a family. Invite her to child's birthday, school plays etc. She won't come, because she won't eat a meal with her own son? Oh, well, too bad, so sad, she had her chance to be involved. If she really wanted it she would take it.

  Cog
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  MidwichCuckoo

  i have finally got grandma to agree to seeing her grandchild

  That struck me too!....if you think she hasn't been seeing your child because of pressure from Elders (as she can't visit your home and there's no way you should allow a minor alone with her - or any dub), then she is going to be in a very difficult position if she DOES visit. If she really HAS to think twice between having her own grandchild in her life or upsetting her Cult leaders, then that speaks volumes.
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  darkuncle29

  In all fairness, to a person who has never been a JW or is not familiar with them, we all probably sound like alarmist nuts. But to that same person I'd say, "Do you really want to risk your child's happiness?" For the sake of 'being nice' will you risk your child? I sure as hell wouldn't.

  You can tell by the replies that this is an emotionally charged issue, we all feel strongly about this, please understand that most of us aren't here to hurt yourfeelings but our responses may be stronger than you are acustomed.

  Good luck.
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  dawg

  As usual, GaryBuss has something wise to say.....

  This is what I think...tell her you don't respect the fact that she doesn't treat you son in a proper manner... tell her that you don't want your kids exposed to this kind of "love" becasue it sets a bad example for your kids to follow...then tell her if she'll stop acting in such a disrespecting way, the she can see her grandkids as long as she doesn't say one damn word to them about religion... she won't relent and you can move on.