Now That We're Outta The "Organization" Can We Be Who We Really Are?

by minimus 34 Replies latest jw friends

  • willyloman
    willyloman

    Interesting question. If we can't (be who we really are) after making our exit, what was the point of leaving? We certainly can change and "become" the kind of person we want to be. It just takes some work. I believe anyone who "does the work" to exit the dub life - and by that I mean someone who makes a conscientious decision to leave as opposed to one who just stops going to meetings but doesn't change the dub mindset - can succeed.

    The "work" that's involved requires coming to grips with why you were a dub (became one or remained one) in the first place and why you want to leave. It's similar to recovery from an addiction to alcohol or drugs; you have to shed that dependence (in this case on religion) and learn new behavior. All of this requires honest self-examination and a willingness to act on what you discover.

  • feenx
    feenx

    I think I've grown more in the last 5 years than I did In my first 20 years inside the borg.

  • minimus
    minimus

    People leave for various reasons. But I see many that still think they're in a Kingdom Hall. When they come here, they act as if they're still Witnesses. They have to "prove" they're always right, always in charge, always the authority. And then you still see the little sheep who accept it all, have faith that it's gotta be right and true.

  • Cc81
    Cc81

    i have also grown immensely... I cant say i am truly who i am yet though.

  • minimus
    minimus

    Being comfortable with who you are is a big plus. Too many people don't love themselves like they should and will never be self sufficient.

  • maxwell
    maxwell

    Who am I really? Who I am is a function of all the experiences of my life. And being a JW was a big part of the experience of my life? If my parents had not used that religion as part of the structure for my life, would I have been as diligent in school? Would I have gotten some girl pregnant? Would I have experimented with some drugs and let it get out of control? Or would I have devoted more time to music and became a professional? Or would I have been even more diligent in school? Would I have more degrees and better social skills that would have led to a much better career? It's like some of those movies with time travel (like Back to the Future). If you could go back and change something, maybe you could fix something, but there's a good chance you would mess things up worse than they are now too.

    As for being who I want to be, I do agree that now that I am not a JW, I am much freer to work towards being who I want to be.

  • Homerovah the Almighty
    Homerovah the Almighty

    Yes there is, first a big adjustment has to made and that's self awareness of the real reality of life and how to adapt directly to that new reality.

    And that may be re-thinking your goals and aspirations for the future which is going to be quite different from what the JWS told you will be.

    Its depressingly sad when I see young and old JW doing some lowly job barely making ends meet thinking that the end is so soon , not giving

    a dam about the future.

    What an individual lost and a lost for humanity too

  • VoidEater
    VoidEater

    One model of "who we are" is that we have a core which must work through a personality. The personality is basically the mind/ego, and becomes molded from experience and memory, and it is here that beliefs reside.

    We generally cannot erase our JW past, so our cores must work through the damage (if you will) created by our exposure to the religion. We can heal a lot, hopefully, so that the impact is lessened, especially over time.

    I can never be who I "was" before the WTS, if for no other reason than I was raised in it. I can at least live an honest life today without the WTS strictures.

  • oompa
    oompa

    No I can not be myself. Wife and son still in, and so have learned to just shut up, or arguments ending with my wife crying is pretty standard. I so want to be really free, and be myself, but as long as I am in this marriage, or unless she wakes up, I will have a very confused identity......oompa

  • flipper
    flipper

    MINIMUS - I do feel I can be who I really am. I felt I was mostly as I really was inside the witness organization - it is one reason I got out . I would not kiss up to anyone , or sacrifice what my personal beliefs were just to excel in the cult. I love the freedom of not being controlled ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper

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