I think you did the right thing. He was (in context-we know what he meant by 'riding') way out of line. You told your boss, and he WON'T be doing that again. Your boss is taking action so he does not have liability for a stupid employee, and what he does with the info. is now his business.
This is not something you should feel bad about reporting. It is against all kinds of laws for the guy to speak to you that way, and you did your boss a kindness by making him aware of this guy. Not to mention-it isn't (probably) a long history of this with the guy. If he gets a clue now, he may get a little enlightenment and learn how to act like a respectable human being.
Sexual Harassment
by reneeisorym 61 Replies latest jw friends
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JWdaughter
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frankiespeakin
Ren,
He said after we were done with the business, "Is that a picture of your man?"
I said, "Yes, we just got married this summer."
He said, "How are you two doing?"
I said, "Great. We're just newly weds enjoying life."
He said, "So you get along well and everything?"
I was worried where this was going but I said, "Oh yeah. I couldn't ask for better."
He said, "So do you ride each other a lot?"
I choked!! ... turned red and my jaw dropped.He left without another word -- I thought about it and decided to tell our boss.
I think you over reacted to his questioning, it was after all only a one time thing, hardly a severe hardship to endure. If it bothered you perhaps instead of running to the boss like a tattle tail trying to get the guy disciplined or worse fired(depending on how reasonable or paranoid your boss is) you should of kept the matter between you and him alone, and explained to him your concerns after all you are a big girl now.
God, hows a guy supposed hit on women if they all go running up to some authority figure, wanting them to silence someone for some precieved flirtatious faux pah. Instead of running to "cops"(or boss), wouldn't it be better to just settle these things like adults instead of reporting someone for such a trivial matter. I could see if he groped you, or made innuendos that made you threatened in someway, but because the conversation went down a wrong ally in your culturally conditioned opinion, it would have been much better to take it with a grain of salt and either changed the subject, or expressed your desire not to continue in the conversations subject matter./
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mentalclearness
R.Crusoe and Frankispeakin, I wonder if you two aren´t the type of men who talk to women in that way. First of all, the poster is a newly married woman with a baby. She didn´t give the guy the type of leeway to make a comment like that. In another circumstance things might have been different.
But I will agree with frankiespeakin on one matter. If it had been me, I would have looked at the guy straight in the face and very seriously said,¨"you need to show some more respect. You´re comment was offensive" and walked away.
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frankiespeakin
MC,
R.Crusoe and Frankispeakin, I wonder if you two aren´t the type of men who talk to women in that way. First of all, the poster is a newly married woman with a baby. She didn´t give the guy the type of leeway to make a comment like that. In another circumstance things might have been different.
Well, I might flirt, but I doubt I would use such corny lines (jeesh, give me a little credit), I usually don't hit on some one so fast, I like testing the waters and move slowly into anything with sexual ennuendos, and will continue only if it brings a mutual enjoyment, otherwise I wouldn't waste my time.
But I will agree with frankiespeakin on one matter. If it had been me, I would have looked at the guy straight in the face and very seriously said,¨"you need to show some more respect. You´re comment was offensive" and walked away.
I'm glad you would have done it that way, and beleive me for most guys that's all it takes, and if they are an asshole and keep on talking to you in away that you might interpet as "disrespectful" after you told them to thier face, then I feel it (maybe) necassary take other meassures, which may enclude notifying his supperiors if I worked for the same company, but patients, and just plain humankindness may be waranted before taking such action and maybe a little introspection time about one's indoctrinated cultural viewpoint. And Ask one's self, was it really disrespectful?. I'm sure that is a good place to come from. And God forbid that you actually eventually even feel the guy is really kinda cute in a boyishly dumbness sorta way and eventually enjoy such banter., Hey I don't claim to know how or in what way women think, but it has happened and ain't that far fetched.
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frankiespeakin
Ren,
What MC said:
First of all, the poster is a newly married woman with a baby
I'm sure you know that this being the case, that you would have this natural "glow" about you that men might very attractive, and make them say dumb things that they latter regret.
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R.Crusoe
Look Mental, I've had women with far worse verbals than if I like to jump thrown my direction and never once even thought of costing them their jobs or whtever! Too many women are in the SCUM club (Society for Cutting Up Men) without any respect for how it possible could never happen to them except from another woman!
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Gretchen956
Well here is my 2 cents worth, having worked with and around HR for years. If this is his first complaint they will probably make him take some training and slap his hand. But if you aren't the first one that he has done something like this to, (my bet is he has before if he's this ballsy) then he may get fired. RARELY is someone fired for the first time something like this happens. It would have to be very egregious for that to happen. Having said that, most employers take this very seriously, and for good reason. Many firms have been sued and lost major lawsuits for allowing this to go on.
Good for you for having the courage to report this.
Sherry
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R.Crusoe
Exactly - We worship the $ and down with humanity!!!
Very noble!
Are men more easily disposed of than women in our society?
Is the spirit of abortion on the increase??
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mentalclearness
Who is debating that it would be any better if the comment was made by a woman to a man R. Crusoe? It makes no difference. And flirtatious banter usually developes very gradually and based on the response you are getting. If a newly married woman is saying things are going great with hubby then I consider that pretty cut and dry rejection. The line was drawn way before he asked his stupid question....
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TD
I think Gretchen nails the situation
Sexual Harassment (In the U.S.) is a form of sexual discrminaton that falls under title VII (Subchapter VI, Chapter 21, Title 42) of the 1964 Civil Rights Act as amended. Within the workplace, there are two types of sexual harassment: Quid pro quo and hostile work environment. As the name implies, the former occurs when an employee is forced to choose between submitting to a sexual advance and a tangible job benefit. The latter occurs when it can be shown that the work environment has become offensive to the point of adversely affecting an employee's job performance using the "reasonable person" standard. (Since 1991 it has been a "Reasonable woman" standard.)
Hostile work environment is therefore potentially much broader in scope but it is governed by a three pronged test. The first prong is unwelcomeness of the contact. The second two prongs are severity and pervasiveness. The more severe the conduct, the less pervasive it need be and the less severe the conduct, the more pervasive it need be. Crude speech certainly qualifies as sexual harassment even in the absence of a sexual motive, but it must be pervasive beyond a single incident. The courts have consistently ruled that Title VII may not serve as a vehicle to vindicate every slight and punish every stupid comment.
The man will get a stern "Talking-to" and hopefully (For the sake of everyone) not speak that way ever again.