I want to go to a mtg simply to see people, but I know I'll regret it

by Younglove1999 14 Replies latest jw friends

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  Younglove1999

  This is probably prompted by the fact that I had a dream about someone last night who we used to be pretty good friends with prior to us leaving the org. Also another couple we used to be friends with gave birth to their first child last month and we'd love to see them.

  Here's the obvious:

  I guess you can say we faded abruptly, not DA'd or DF'd, but treated as if we were. None of our friends make any effort to contact us once they found out we stopped going to meetings. So I know it's stupid of me to want to go to a meeting to see everyone since nobody has made an effort to continue our friendship.

  I guess a part of me wants closure perhaps?

  I don't know- I just remember how I felt when an inactive person would show up all of a sudden at the meeting or memorial- being the judgemental JW that I was, I knew they just wanted attention. At least that's how I felt and I never did the fake "oh! it's nice to see you show up randomly" thing. I smiled at them, but made no effort at chatting unless they came to a few meetings and "proved" that they were serious about coming back. Yeah I was a snob. :( So I don't want others viewing that about me and there's no way I'm going back for more than one meeting.

  I'm just curious about seeing my old friends, their kids, etc.

  I also worry that going to a meeting puts us back on the radar and I don't want to be on the radar.
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  babygirl75

  I would say you would be better off not going back. It would definetely put you back on the rader. Why risk it if you have done a successful fade? Just hold on to your memories of your old friends. Trust me, it's not the same as you remember it being anyway. People change and you see that those friendships must not have been what you remember them as being....

  babygirl...
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  OnTheWayOut

  I like to know a bit about a person before giving my opinion. And remember that opinions are free, and you
  get what you paid for.

  You don't have a profile, but I read your fade story. I am unclear about your current family situation. It sounds
  like you are being tolerated. Is that right?

  If you have some family talking and associating with you, but your friends dropped you (as your fade story
  indicates) then I advise that you don't risk opening a can of worms that your family feels the obligation to
  shun you.

  If your family is avoiding you, has minimal contact, then you have nothing to lose, and little to gain.
  That means it would be okay to go, but not much would be expected to come of it.
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  Open mind

  Younglove1999

  I also worry that going to a meeting puts us back on the radar and I don't want to be on the radar.

  Don't know how much you care about getting DFed, but if you've shown NO SIGN of being a witness for 5 years and you weren't "prominent" in the JW community, you could probably get away with being seen smoking a cigarette on the street (or some equally devilish deed) and the elders CAN look the other way. If you go back to even ONE meeting, some elder who's gunning for you could reset his mental "inactive" clock on you and say that you're identifying yourself as a JW by coming to a meeting. And the roughly 5 year clock starts over. 5 years isn't etched in stone and "prominence" is clearly subjective. Your mileage may vary.

  Open Mind
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  Cc81

  Younglove, You can never really go back. It will never be the same as it once was. Friendships will never be quite the same. People change and things change. I have learned this many times . Its easy to remember the people and the memories.. the good times. Keep it at that. I know how hard it is to think of what you thought you had... thought being the key word. Keep the good memorys.. Lose the bad. But remember... things change. And this is part of life.
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  Gopher

  YL1999,

  I'm not sure that attending one more meeting would bring you any closure. Perhaps your better plan for closure would be to close them out in your own mind.

  Also another way to move on would be to widen your circle of non-JW friends somehow, if you haven't already. With good new non-judgmental friends, the old JW friends (whose friendship was quite conditional anyway) will become smaller dots in your rear-view mirror.
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  Hortensia

  I miss my old JW friends now and then. But then logic takes over - they can't have been such good friends as they dropped me without a second thought. I'm not missing people who had only a conditional love for me, just friendship and companionship and activities. I sometimes wish they cared, but they don't and that's that. No way I'm going to go to a kingdom hall to revisit bygone friendships.
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  Country Girl

  That's a nice, normal thing to be concerned about your friends. Is it a nice normal thing that when you show your concern they will shun you?

  You're already gone in their views. Once a person leaves the JW's, no one cares anymore. Actually, they never cared about you at all... they just cared about you as long as you were a JW and feeding into the machine.

  I used to care, now I don't. You need to not care. Hard, but manageable.

  C
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  wha happened?

  wife will from time to time, has a desire to go to a meeting. Every time, a completely retarded study is followed by lame comments. She objects and it's 6 months to the next meeting
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  Mincan

  Never regret going to a meeting. Get drunk, get high, do funny shit, it's all good.