Dating and the ex-JW

by Layla33 21 Replies latest social relationships

  • OnTheWayOut

    Well, I have this friend. His name is JK666 on this forum.

    Why don't the two of you date for awhile and we can see how
    dating an ex-JW works for you. If it works great, you can say
    OnTheWayOut fixed you up. If it doesn't work out, you can say
    "Now I know."

  • SnakesInTheTower


    hey while you are matchmaking, if that match proves sucessful, sign me up! LOL

    Snakes ()

  • OnTheWayOut

    Layla, I also have this friend, Snakes.

    Maybe they could compete for your attention, kinda like animals in the wild do for the
    attention of the female. I just hope they don't try to kill each other.

  • sspo

    Hey, OTWO

    Don't forget about me, i'm available for an xjw, you know who i am.

  • joannadandy

    I think as ex-jw's we get far too wrapped up in our own little world - and posting on exclusively ex-jw forums feeds that.

    Give people some credit. You'd be surpised what people are capable of understanding - if they want to. The thing is - a lot of people have dysfunctional famlies - human experiences can be related on some levels.

    I am getting married this fall to a man who was never a JW. He does have an aunt who was loosely affliated with the witnesses for a time - but from what I know of her she was never really a JW. His concept of JW's was limited at best. He knew they were the people who don't do holidays.

    I used to think I would never find someone who would understand me and my JW upbringing - and that it was some huge heavy burden. I was always waiting to drop the "bombshell" on someone that I used to be a Jehovah's Witness. I started finding out - the more people I told - the less awkward it was for me to talk about, the more I realized - most people don't think it's a big deal (and frankly - a little dose of "And so...get over it" did me just fine.) It was a step in the recovery of "This was my life - and does not have to be life".

    The thing is my fiance is a very sweet guy. He actually cares about me, and wants to understand. Will he ever fully get it? Nope. There are still things I bring up that he just shakes his head at - but they are few and far between. For the happiness of our daily lives - and even the long term - it really doesn't mean a diddly-damn. He sees the way I tick in other areas and I never question for one second if he "gets" me or not.

    Being in a relationship, finding people to love and relate to is hard enough. Why add the extra sorting phylum of "must be ex-jw in order to understand me."? Just my 2p.

  • Twitch

    joannadandy made some good points

    Personnally, I've had better success dating on the "outside". Something to be said for leaving it behind and/or searching out someone who complements who you are, not a mirror of yourself. I found that a partner did not need to have been a dub to be able to "understand" and support. I've heard it said from certain counsellors that the stance of "nobody but another one understands" is the cry of those who are still in the "victim" stage of recovery which is totally understandable (no pun intended). It is natural to think this given the nature of the beast that is the org and it's effects on those that leave. Live and love in the now.

    One xdub I did date put it rather well by saying it was "the blind leading the blind". Up until the time I met her, I too wished to be with a someone who "understands". She taught me the lesson of watching what you wish for. I got more than I bargained for there, to be sure. But that was a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Live and let live. Forgive but do not forget. I know there are many xdub couples here and elsewhere that make it work and work well so I believe it depends more on the chemistry of the people and less on their background.

    All this being said, I am not averse to dating another xdub but it's not something I am looking for specifically. It is not necessary for me anymore.

  • joannadandy
    I believe it depends more on the chemistry of the people and less on their background.

    All this being said, I am not averse to dating another xdub but it's not something I am looking for specifically. It is not necessary for me anymore.

    Bingo -- exactly my point but said more succinctly.

  • JK666

    Whoa, OTWO, thanks for the endorsement!

    The big question is whether she can handle the Zap Daddy. I am ecclectic to say the least!

    As for fighting with Snakes, I have passed that point in my life.

    Seriously now, here is something I posted on another thread concerning this topic:

    I don't know.

    I joke about sex a lot on this board, but rarely am serious about it. I just had a four year relationship end, my first with a non-JW. I am trying to figure out what I want for the future.

    XJW vs. Never Been? Hell, there are problems both ways. Ex dub women have their own type of hang ups, whereas Never Beens have trouble relating to things from a JW past. "Why don't you talk with your family? Why did you never vote? etc."

    I believe a relationship with an XJW could be very good between the right two people. A way of getting to know each other would help, since there are sometimes long distances between those on the forum.

    Right now I am just looking for someone fun to date. I am wrung out from the failed relationship, and am not ready to invest the energy to get right into another one.


  • averyniceguy

    Layla, Would you be interested in blind date with me? I live in Georgia. If you live nearby, we could do it.

  • Layla33

    Thanks for all the responses, it has really given me insight. I wouldn't mind making some friends first and anyone that wants to introduce themselves privately feel free. I am still in the stages of finding out about all of this - the website, so I have the newbie thing going on and the death of a loved one going on.

    Again, I don't wear the ex-JW thing on my head at all really. I rarely think about it and just refer to it occasionally when something arises. I broke myself out of thinking pro or con JW, and just living and thinking and finding myself. I haven't really put too much thought into any of this until going to that funeral, ugh. Now I realize as my parents are getting older and grandparents that I will have to deal with the JW thing a lot more. Anyone can relate to that, would be great.

    Oh, by the way, I am in the VA area, if anyone close wants to say hello.

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