Dating and the ex-JW

by Layla33 21 Replies latest social relationships

  • Layla33
    Layla33

    I am still surfing around this forum and I am happy to see there is are topics related to relationships. It is nice to see this here.

    To be honest, ever since I was out of the JW religion, I have tossed over ever dating an ex JW or an inactive JW. I have occasionally come across this situation and weighed both the pros and cons. I am hoping others can relate.

    On the one hand, it would be nice to date someone/have a relationship with someone who understands the background of some of things I still have to deal with in my family and some of the things they may have encounter when they would meet them. However, on the other hand it is refreshing to meet someone who doesn't have the JW baggage. Sometimes it is a little heavy, if you know what I mean. I have often wondered about it.

    I was with the same man for over eight years. He was a non practicing Roman Catholic, I gave him a briefing one day (yes, that's all it took) about my family and their JW lunancy and that was it. It was refreshing, religion never was a big conversation between us and I enjoyed that part of it. We were spiritual, but not into the whole religious thing.

    Yet, now that I am single again, I toss over it, especially now that I am getting older, and realize more situations will arise regarding the JWs in my family and it would be nice to have someone who could understand it.

    I guess my other issues is that I don't want to concern myself with someone who might decide to become part of that cult again. And honestly, I know so many people who fight inner demons that being in that religion has created (paranoia, feelings of inferiority, warped/confused sexuality, repression issues), I toss over finding someone who initially seems great but then realizes that they have some of the syndromes I am aware.

    I am just curious how people balance it. I have never dated someone who was a former JW or an inactive JW, I am curious to know of the experience, good/bad/and indifferent.

  • BIG D
    BIG D

    Hello,

    Yes i too, have often said the same thing, one thing is for sure they would have to never , ever , have it in their mind to go back, and there could be some issues you addressed about not yet over the guilt and repression feelings, i am past that, if i could find another like that, i think it would be good!

    big d

  • Finally-Free
    Finally-Free

    I've been out of the WT for 4 1/2 years and out of my marriage for 4 and I haven't been dating at all.

    People who were never JWs don't really seem to understand where I'm coming from. I hesitate to get involved with ex-jws because I don't need the JW related problems with someone else's JW families.

    So I hang out with my bird.

    W

  • Honesty
    Honesty

    Why have both sides of the family shunning you when it's so much smarter to hook up with a 'never been JW' and at least have some semblance of a normal family and only get shunned by one side.

    Why drag children through the hell of having JW grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins who hope Jehovah annihilates them up at Armageddon because they aren't JW's.

    A relationship with just one side being ex-JW is stressful enough as it is, why make it worse?

  • Gopher
    Gopher

    IMHO it partly depends on how complete you feel your recovery is from the JW's. If you feel completely or mostly recovered from the JW experience, then it might not matter whether you choose a never-been-JW or an ex-JW. Just make sure to find someone that you really click with on many different levels, and if they're caring than they'll try to understand your JW background (which by this time isn't much of an issue to you).

    However for those still dealing heavily with JW-recovery issues, then maybe another ex-JW might understand you the best, or it might be better to resolve the JW issues first before diving into a relationship. Since ex-JW's are a small minority of the population, it may be difficult (but not impossible) to find a compatible one near one's own age.

  • Burger Time
    Burger Time

    I have often wondered about dating an ex-JW. I never have but it certainly feels tempting. I think the only way I would is if the person was serious about never going back. I would also let them know that if they went back it would more then likely have a very negative effect on my end. I certainly see a lot of the pro's outweighing the cons though. I feel a bit of a connection just with friends who are ex-jw's that I can't seem to find with my normal friends. Strange how that works.

  • sweetface2233
    sweetface2233

    The one thing you need to be careful about is whether or not they are still carrying a lot of anger and bitterness. If every other phrase out of their mouth is "May the cult, die!", I wouldn't recommend having any type of relationship w/ them.

    I have been involved w/ some XJWs and it's all the same as dating someone who wasn't a Witness. They might understand not having Christmas or birthdays growing up, but in the end, all humans are screwed up individuls and you just need to find the one who is screwed up on your same level.

  • AWAKE&WATCHING
    AWAKE&WATCHING

    I feel like I have moved on from the cult but it is such a big part of who I am, 30 adult years of believing something is a long time. I think when I am ready for a relationship I will want to be with someone who totally gets it without a lot of explaining and to me that means someone who has been there.

  • primitivegenius
    primitivegenius

    im married to an ex jw................ i wouldnt have it any other way........... i dont have to explain to her the bulls*** they throw upon us........ cause her family does the same to her............. we have each other and our son......... and we have the cool "worldly" relatives on both sides............... we dont need anyone else.

    i gotta understand where my mate is comeing from........... so that means i wouldnt date someone that didnt understand the language (asian spanish etc) there is no way you can make someone truely understand what being in that cult was like.......... and if you date someone who never was in........... they wont understand your hangups. i pretty much know what has screwed with my wife and she pretty much knows what ive dealt with.......... still i handle it much better than she does but at least i understand why she does what she does.

    just my 2cents

  • SnakesInTheTower
    SnakesInTheTower

    L..

    I think in many ways it would be easier to date a former JW... I am open to dating either a non JW or a former JW....either way.... I am sure my pic posted somewhere on the forum scared a few off. LOL

    I have been on two dates with one gal I met through eHarmony since walking away from the Borg...and I think me being a former-JW thing scared her off. (her grandmother is an extremist JW)...there wont be any more dates with her...LOL...

    I am currently considered an irregular, soon to be inactive, JW...and never never never will go back to it.

    At least I dont have to worry about JW family shunning me. Only my mom is a JW and she absolutely assured me she wont shun me, even if I am DA/DF.

    Snakes ()

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