by lonelysheep 26 Replies latest jw friends
Although the previous poster makes some good points, I have found that associating with just one Witness is 1 too many. I am so freaking tired of all the rude behaivour of this person that I have oficially disasociated myself with him. He is totally unable to carry on a conversation outside his cult, and I have known for some time just what these evil doers think of 99.9 percent of the worlds population.
I have to say that it really bugs me that I tried my best. For that I am saddended.
((((((((((lonelysheep))))))))))
People can be so cruel. I know it's not always easy to remember, but what people do define them not you.
I think you should ask your brother why you weren't included. Maybe your brother is as clueless as mine used to be, thinking if he mentioned it to you and you wanted to come, you'd invite yourself.
I totally agree with whyizit. We have been out of the WT now for 5 Christmas seasons. We are not invited to any family gatherings. Although the family is fragmented and the gatherings are small, it would be nice to be included. I know, (because I have been told,) that people in my family don't know what to do since they formerly were informed (by us,) that we would avoid all holidays. Over the years, they have been turned down, had gifts sent back, had watchtowers pushed in their faces that condemn the holidays, and now all of a sudden, here is a person who wants to forget all of that and do the holidays?
Not saying that they are holding a grudge, because they are not. But their traditions do not include us. I suppose if we want them to make room, we are going to have to get up the courage to just push our way in.
If you want to be included, you may have to not only ask, but tell your family that you find it incredibly hard to ask them to include you. Ask them to please remember and help you to be more "normal," since you know you were misled by JWs and are having a hard time finding your footing again in the normal world. I did this with a cousin who lives far away. Do you know she is the only family member who makes absolutely sure to send me a card and a little gift every year.
LONELY SHEEP- My wife and I send our love to you. I'm so sorry you were treated this way. I too, am considered the black sheep of my family as I am the only one of my one other brother and two sisters who got out of the cult. It is hard , but i have found comfort on this board of caring people here at JWD. My heart goes out to you
I'm with whyizit and odrade: they're probably monumentally confused about how you feel about different things. You might have been weird about these events when you were a JW and now you're out they don't know whether you've changed your mind on them.
((((LonelySheep))))
I bet that was hard to choke down. I'm sorry for all the sour feelings that must have made well up in you.
It very well could be just a simple misunderstanding. I mean, you used to decry their holiday celebrations as pagan, after all. Should they assume you now wish to be included in a pagan celebration just because you left JWs?
I encourage you to reach out and make them know how much you need their forgiveness for treating them and their customs so sh--tily for so long. You probably hurt their feelings pretty badly during those years.
Respectfully,
AuldSoul
Happy New Year!
yknot:
Make sure you send out B-Day cards and presents this year maybe even plan a B-Day celebration, send out cards for all other holidays too. Start sending emails about what you are doing now that you are out of the JWs. Include them in your life and eventually one of them will start to include you in theirs.
Remember it was small calculated steps that drew you away from your family and into the JWs (ie indoctrination) and it will take the same type of steps back to your family.
See, I hadn't even thought of that--sending bday cards. That used to be a normal thing for me and though I am now back to liking bdays, I do not express the importance of any of theirs. They wouldn't know how I really feel about life celebrations now. I did think I could just hop right back into people's lives, and that's the problem. I feel like I am in a state of family purgatory, so to speak.
changeling:
Is there anyway you could speak to them and get this out in the open? Perhaps there's some misunderstanding causing "bad blood" that you are not aware of. If everyone lays their issues out on the table perhaps fences could be mended and wounds could heal.
I intended to do that on Christmas. They really have no idea that I wanted to reconnect with them prior to my grandfather's death. So, I just don't know when I'll actually have that opportunity. I didn't want to do that in the days we were together after his passing.
mrsjones5:
Go to your grandmother on your own...forget the others.
Right, that's all I can do. It's an uneasy thing, though because my brother lives there, too. Not enough to stop me.
Hortensia:
I've been feeling a lot of rejection lately myself so I know how it sucks.
I'm so sorry, (((H))). Yes, it does suck!
whyizit:
If you have just recently exited the JWs, then they may think you are going through a phase. That you may jump back in at any moment, then attack them later for actually including you in what you previously believed was satanic.
So true. The thing about having left vs. how I was is that I have no clue how they feel due to me intentionally making myself MIA from their lives because they weren't true christians and would/did discourage me from dealing with the jw's at all. I expected to be back in the fold immediately, but I cannot since I did the no-no thing and became a part of the witnesses.
JWs educate their non-JW relatives and friends very well when it comes to these external types of things. You taught them NOT to invite you. They learned the lesson well. Now you need to reteach them to INCLUDE you. Otherwise, they simply won't. Not out of malice, but out of respect. They are trying not to offend you.
The truth, here. It hurts like hell to be loved yet, 'out of sight, out of mind'. It is my fault and I do have to reach out. The connection that I denied myself from feeling but did not get rid of, is now gone from their minds. It's like a person wanting to come back to their first love and the first one has moved on and not even blinked at the thought of the person left in the past.
serendipity:
I think you should ask your brother why you weren't included. Maybe your brother is as clueless as mine used to be, thinking if he mentioned it to you and you wanted to come, you'd invite yourself.
I think I should too, but fear of hearing something really crappy come out of his mouth is preventing me from doing so! My hurdle to overcome this week. =/
Part of me thinks he is just like your brother but because of my putting them off in addition to his ability to be nasty, it is a guess at this point.
Odrade:
Not saying that they are holding a grudge, because they are not. But their traditions do not include us. I suppose if we want them to make room, we are going to have to get up the courage to just push our way in.
That is my other fear (and I understand I fueled this)--that they are holding a grudge. Pushing my way in is my only choice other than leaving them alone for good. It's scary as hell!! Reconnecting is not something I'm familiar with at all! Either someone stays in my life or they go (yes, abandonment is my core issue).
Mr.& Mrs. Flipper: Thank you!
AuldSoul:
It very well could be just a simple misunderstanding. I mean, you used to decry their holiday celebrations as pagan, after all. Should they assume you now wish to be included in a pagan celebration just because you left JWs?
I encourage you to reach out and make them know how much you need their forgiveness for treating them and their customs so sh--tily for so long. You probably hurt their feelings pretty badly during those years.
You're right.
I think this all could very well be a misunderstanding, they may not realize how far you have left the JW's, they still may assume you dont celebrate holidays, and for the most part, most "normal" ie."worldly" people have no clue or understanding of the JW lifestyle.
I will give you an example. I went to visit my cousins in Kentucky back in November. My birthday was one day away and they planned a small impromptu birthday party. I overheard one cousin ask the other "does he celebrate birthdays now?" She replied "I think so". What is even odder about this is that I have attended church with them off and on for the past 10 years, celebrated Christmases with them, etc etc etc and still they werent so sure.
So if i were you, I would give them the benefit of the doubt, they may already know that you have left the JW's, but what they may not realize is that you are now back into the real world now.
Give them another chance, and if they still ignore you, then forget about them and move on.
Also make sure you do have a long talk with them and let them know that in no certain terms would you ever rejoin the JW's.
Dave
