What gave you the courage to say no more

ILikeToThink

Hello everyone. I’ve been lurking for a few weeks and finally thought it was about time I joined. I’ve never posted on a forum before so please be patient with me if I screw it up. A little bit about why I’m here . . .

Almost 5 years ago I met a wonderful man. About 1 year into our relationship he informs me that he used to be a JW and wanted to return. He talked to me about the "the truth" and asked me to consider a study, which I did. Long story short, I studied, attended all meetings but have not been baptized and have never gone out in service. Since I’m on this site, I’m sure you can all guess why. I DON’T WANT TO BE A JW!!! It has come to the point where I just can’t take it anymore. I have been honest with him about my feelings, about not wanting to be a JW. And somehow, he always manages to convince me to try again, try harder. He claims he loves me, wants to marry me. I say he wants to marry the image he’s created for himself of me. Not me, but me with a bible in my hand preaching with him, going to meetings. I love him very much, but this I can’t do for him.

So I guess my question to you is, what gave you the courage to say no more? I have to tell him and I have to tell the sister that I studied with. I have absolutely no idea how to go about it. I imagine the sister has an idea something is up. I have been missing a lot of meetings lately. And it’s been 4 years and no "spiritual progress." I can’t take another meeting. I can’t sit there and listen to the BS anymore. Just can’t. Any advice is much appreciated.

averyniceguy

Welcome to the board! I used to live in Florida, what part of Florida do you live in?

ILikeToThink

Thank you! In Miami

MissingLink

I know this doesn't help you - but the only thing that gave me the courage was the thought of my kids being put thru what I was put thru. I'm going to take the shunning for their sake.

But you're luckly in one sense - you never got baptized. That means you won't be shunned (not hard-core anyway).

The only problem you have is making it clear to your man that you're done, and see how he reacts. Sounds like you made your decision, now the ball's in his court.

blondie

Welcome and having the good sense not to get baptized. After being baptized as a jw, things change. The love bombing stops or drops off. You start seeing the lies and warts and are told to "wait on Jehovah" for them to be fixed. You find that depression, adultery, child molesting, backstabbing, outright lies, are all part of the WTS. Jws like to say that other religions are the same, but if they are supposed to be so special and unique, the only true religion, should they be the same? Why leave any other religion to join one that is the same?

I would cut my losses and find a non-jw with good qualities. They're out there. Find one that matches your goals, spirituality, etc.

Love, Blondie

Junction-Guy

For me personally, the courage to say no more was the realization I came to back in 1994, that my life was being put on hold for the JW beliefs, and that if Armageddon was true that I would die never being married, never having children, never even having a real girlfriend. I made up my mind back then that what will be will be, and that I was going to have a "normal" life before I was destroyed. I walked away from the JW's back then in 1994, and almost 4 years later I realized I made the right decision when I discovered this 'religion" to be a sham.

I think it's a shame your husband never mentioned being a JW before you were married.

My advice to you is just stop going to the meetings altogether and let him know up front that you dont want to go anymore.

Let the chips fall where they may.

By the way, I dont know if you mentioned this, but do you have children by him?

jaguarbass

.

Its a false religion, probably like all other religions a big lie.

In my case I was raised a witness and didnt escape untill I was 31. They forbade education and foretold armegeddon in 75, When I wasted my youth and was going nowhere fast I made up my mind to quit.

ILikeToThink

Thanks guys. I appreciate the input. Somehow, reading these experiences really helps! Junction-Guy, let me clarify, he is not my husband. He's my boyfriend, so no, no children together. (please, we haven't had sex in 4 years!) (wow, it's so depressing to express that) He won't marry me because I am not a witness. I think he has hope that I will one day come to my senses and get baptized. I have hope that he will one day come to his senses and accept me for who I am. We are both in denial. It's different for me than most here. No one in my family or any of my friends are JWs. He is the only link I have to witnesses. I would have quit a long time ago if it weren't for him. It's ironic. I use to believe in God until I started studying. Now I don't.

belbab

I like to think,

If that is one of the major pleasures you have in life, that is to think, you are definitely in the wrong situation and environment. To think you need a brain. Thinking also needs feedback from others, especially from a close companion. To be a JW you have to renounce your thinking, become a zombi, a robot, become brain dead.

Read Alice in Wonderland, where she is locked up in a dark box in a fetal position and trying to grow. In JWdom, you are boxed in for the rest of your life, and your children are born in captivity.

You do not need permission to be who you are. Live, Baby, live!

belbab

nomoreguilt

Welcome to you!!! The ark of salvation continues to flounder!

Just simply tell him.." This isn't working for me".

I remain and have........nomoreguilt

What gave you the courage to say no more

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