Anyone else feel like an emotional mutant at this time of year? (page 4)

Barbie Doll

I love christmas and a pretty tree. I lived in a children home and had every thing taken away from me, My big doll, my pretty clothes.

they gave me a uniform to were. It was like hell living there. when I had my son and my two adopted girls, I celebrated every christmas

with them, I want them to have the best. Now my children are gone, I feel the emotional impact too. Not having them around the christmas

tree and celebating with them. I am not having a christmas tree this year. We are going away for christmas.

So you are not alone with emotional feelings.

Barbie Doll

I agree with Barbie Doll. Christmas is a difficult time of year for many and for various reasons.
Even though my parents were Jewish agnostics, I grew up celebrating Christmas. I have good memories of those times - on Christmas Eve we were so excited we couldn't sleep. My mom would secretly ring some little bells and tell us Santa was coming so we would get back into bed.
Then my parents divorced when I was 9. Those were some terrible times, we had no money and no daddy. My mom was severely depressed but we would exchange homemade gifts and try to be happy.
When I was 13, my mother began studying with the witnesses. I was baptized at 15. I was in for about 10 years but they were very impressionable years. When I left, I could not celebrate the holidays. I worked in retail and barely had any time off during the season. I was living alone and feeling very alienated from people, everything seemed so "wordly". I felt extremely guilty celebrating anything for a number of years. One year I was invited to a workmates house for Xmas dinner. I fell asleep in the living room for hours. Talk about "checking out". Another year I had turkey dinner alone at a Denny's restaurant and went home and cried. Poor me!
A few years later I met my husband. He came from a large family who always got together for the holidays. I started to feel more comfortable;my fear and guilt had faded somewhat. The year we married, we had a tree-trimming party. We asked our friends to bring ornaments to help us decorate our first tree together. 20 years later I still have those ornaments so lovingly given to us.
Then we had kids and the holidays got even better. Little kids are so innocent and they love rituals. My kids are now 16,12,and12 and we have to do everything the same way each year or they definitely notice.
Three years ago in December, my JW mom passed away. Now this season is tinged with much sadness and feelings of regret for me. I am so blessed to have a loving family and friends. But I still feel the sadness of my JW years. I'm also melancholy as time seems to be flying by so fast and my kids are getting so big. I hope they still come home for the holidays when they are grown.
I have many friends who struggle with mixed emotions during the holidays. But I think the added factor of having been a JW adds to the difficulties of the holiday.
Life definitely has its ups and downs. I hope you get to experience some holiday joy down the road.
Eva

compound complex

Yes, I do, Tall Penguin:

I love the season, the trimmings, the music [O Holy Night, especially], the smells ... It was part of my childhood and remained secreted away in my heart the 40 years I was a JW.

Last year I wished my adoptive, non JW family a Merry Christmas while visiting at their home, gave them a gift, and had to tell them why such a seemingly normal seasonal affair was a turning point for me.

They and I were moved by the poignancy of the moment.

CoCo

Warlock

((((((((((((((((((((Barbie Doll))))))))))))))))))))

((((((((((((((((((((evita))))))))))))))))))))

Warlock

Dansk

T.P.

I loved how pretty everything looked and I had fun baking. But I still felt odd somehow. I still feel like a stranger in a strange land. And people really can't appreciate what it's like to not have had these holidays growing up and to now be trying to assimilate them.

Very understandable for those of us here! However, going off my children as they were brought up JWs by me so missed out on Christmas and birthdays and ...............................

My children, once set free, immersed themselves in the world by making good new friends and taking part in all the holidays. They have thoroughly enjoyed their "new births"

So, if you can immerse yourself in "worldly" activities all year round, eg. going out more, socialising with worldly friends more, enjoying Easter, etc., by the time you get to Christmas you'll be right there in the middle thoroughly enjoying it. I know I do but, more to the point, so do my adult children!!

Love,

Ian

LouBelle

My first christmas was very exciting - it was new and I went OTT (same with birthdays) Now I'm more want to spend the time with my family and don't mind buying the presents - it's just that sometimes people sommer (afrikaans word for ""no matter what"") just expect a pressie.

Remember for so long we've been different - one cant' just slip into another roll - I think some of us are still trying to adjust

tall penguin

Such great comments here.

I've been doing more each day to enjoy the season. Taking time to pick out gifts for loved ones. Browsing Christmas items for my tree. Listening to Christmas music. It helps that I work in a bookstore and am surrounded by holiday shoppers.

And I'm just getting out and being more social, as Dansk mentioned to do. I've really been enjoying having a more active social life. I'm even finding myself not seeing people as "worldy" anymore. I think that's progress.

It's funny though because I'm so completely delighted by the newness of the holiday experience that people just love involving me in it. I think they're getting to revisit it all with new eyes. I feel like a child in many ways. I know that when I have my own kids one day, I will be able to really embrace Christmas and live it fully with them. That will be fun.

Through all the isolation I feel at this time of year and others, I realize that at the end of the day it doesn't matter where we came from. Being a jw, while part of our story, isn't the end all and be all of who we are. We can design our own lives now. And that's the best part of all.

tall penguin

compound complex

Greetings, again, Tall Penguin:

I just walked in the door, turned on the PC and saw your thread. So my second post is to tell you that I've returned from my third Christmas program in two weeks. I was invited to all of them by my my earlier-mentioned adoptive family. One of my students was in all the programs and there is another on Sunday.

Getting out, being social - which I am anyway - and, as you said, not considering the local citizenry "worldly" is a wonderful world apart from JW isolationism. While I didn't wish to sing the carols during audience participation, I did stand for the "Hallelujah Chorus" with everyone else. I felt neither guilty nor worried about associating with non JWs. While I still feel like an observer, I have come a long way.

I cannot believe life was meant to be enjoyed such as I am relishing it now!

You, too?

CoCo

flipper

TALL Penguin- I felt really good too about the Christmas experience when I first did it too, 4 years ago. I enjoy it now each year. It feels good getting gifts to loved ones and with my family that are not witnesses, it feels really fulfilling. I'm pretty strong emotionally , but I do get choked up that my witnes daughters 20 and 19 will not talk with me or return my calls. It is the one true void in my life. Peace out to you sis, and Merry Christmas ! Mr. Flipper

Anyone else feel like an emotional mutant at this time of year?

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