Anyone else feel like an emotional mutant at this time of year?

tall penguin

I've been attempting to infiltrate my friend's Christmas traditions in an attempt to understand and appreciate the holiday. I only had Christmas until I was 5 when my mom converted to jw. Before that, Christmas was really big in our house. I have pictures to prove it.

Last night I went over to a friend's place to bake gingerbread cookies. Her home was decorated to the hilt. She had a huge Christmas tree in the living room as well as another one in her bedroom! I loved how pretty everything looked and I had fun baking. But I still felt odd somehow. I still feel like a stranger in a strange land. And people really can't appreciate what it's like to not have had these holidays growing up and to now be trying to assimilate them. They feel bad that I missed out on them as a child but don't really understand the emotional impact of trying to become part of things now, after so many years. It kicks up so many emotions for me. And then I just feel isolated and alone.

Can anyone relate to this?

tall penguin

Witness 007

I can iamagine, I feel wierd surrounded by Chrissy decorations and everyone so excited counting down the days...me thinking damn I would love to have a tree like that!...that's my evil fantasy to have a fully done up Christmas.

Anti-Christ

This is the first year that I got presents for my friends and family ( who are no longer JW of course) and it does feel weird but more because I don't believe in the bible or any other religion for that matter I only do it because I consider it to be a western culture thing and I find it very fun.

What you might find weird is that I became some what "emotional" when I went trick or treating with some friends and there kids, I could see how much fun the kids were having and that they could not care less about all the "meaning" of it, they were having fun and that was all that mattered. I sure won't let my kids miss out on all the fun of holidays.

lesterd

The brainwashing never goes away and what you know as a lie, fun or not just doesnt seem to work for me, especially at my age. My kids were never baptized and didnt want to fit into the borg, so they have adjusted holiday veiws and have normal holidys, your not wrong with wanting to be like everyone else, it just that being so different for so long makes it feel strange, good luck in your freedom, have fun.

Finally-Free

My family celebrated Christmas until I was in my mid teens. Then the JWs entered the picture and everything went to shit. I spent Christmas with my sisters and their families the last few years, but it's not the same. After 20 years in the cult I don't feel like I belong in this family anymore, if that makes any sense. I have nothing in common with my sisters any more, and I can only engage in so much small talk before I start wondering why I'm even there.

Most likely I'll stay home and hang out with my birds this year, and cook my own Christmas dinner.

W

R.Crusoe

It's easier to ask this question at this time of year and be taken seriously when in fact it is a 365er aka24/7!

Mr. Majestic

Hi Tall Penguin,

I think that it is easy to underestimate the impact that the conditioning has been in your life as a JW. Also I suppose that being a JW has shown you how fake all of the religious thing really is. But it might be that because it was never put into your heart as a child that you have no fond memories of these times, and that is the difference between "us and them".

But yes, I can relate to the experience you describe. I think that the "isolated and alone" part might be due to the fact that you can see that there is no emotional interaction inside of you like your friend has, of which you can’t relate to. I might be wrong.

nvrgnbk

Embrace the emotional mutations, tall!

You wouldn't be the very special you without them.

tijkmo

yeah i'm feelin ya

WTWizard

I actually remember a time when it felt normal and proper to celebrate Christmas. I did it all through school, including parties where we exchanged gifts. That meant that there would be several gift opening sessions during that part of the year. I can remember once we had it in Cub Scouts and in school. Another year our baby sitters had a mini Christmas party and we had three separate gift openings during that year. Then there was the fun of going to the department store, usually Grant City (when it was open) or K-Mart (after Grant City closed down) for this.

Then when I went to college (before joining the Tower), I bought a small Christmas tree for my dorm. I had plenty of lights and small ornaments for my dorm as well. And I got into the Secret Santas that they had in our dorms. Of course I also had fun wrapping my parents' presents with wire, multiple layers of duct tape, plastic bags, glue, and the like to see how difficult I could make it (a couple of times, it took them all day to get to some small item inside). It was all fun. And the lights--I enjoyed the first time we had a tree with miniature lights instead of the bigger C7 bulbs (and fewer of them). Those minis would also flash.

All went well until the Tower came in. During that year, I was hypnotized to get sick when seeing Christmas decorations offered for sale or hear Christmas music. I got stuck spending the holiday with my study conductor, who visited his brother (who to this date seems committed to dragging me to live with them for the purpose of controling my life), of course dragging me along. From then on, Christmas took on a Bah! Humbug! atmosphere. And, one Christmas I got stuck spending Christmas Eve with them after the book study at their house. At least the father got called in to work on Christmas Day while everyone else had to go visit the A$$embly Hell. What a fxxxing waste of a holiday! I say Bah! Humbug! to such waste.

This year, I am doing it just to spite the Watchtower Society and the hounders. I have Christmas decorations plastered on my windows (at that, lights that can be seen hundreds of feet away) just waiting for anyone to do anything about it. I challenge them to waste the time attempting to confront me about it. They are only going to ring the doorbell and get no answer, or call me and get my answering machine and no return of the call. A naughty thing to do, for sure. But, at least I am celebrating Christmas without thought of its origins. I am doing it just for the fun of having the decorations as well as sharing them in a community that sorely needs a little Christmas lighting.

Anyone else feel like an emotional mutant at this time of year?

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