I'm gonna reintroduce myself (got a new nickname, the other one would've blown away my identity in, say, three seconds)...So some of this might read familiar to some people here:
After a very, very slow process, thinking over things that were stored in a little box in a corner of my mind, I've finally confirmed all the doubts I've had about the Society and about Jehovah's Witnesses.
I'm a 36 year-old man, work as a software developer, married, with two kids, ages 10 and 3. I was "born" in the Organization. So I took everything as true, never questioned anything, and did all that was asked from me.
Since I learned how to read and write by myself at the age of 3, I was placed in school two years ahead--so I was only 5 years old in 2nd grade. That means I graduated from high school at 15...And I could tell you that maybe that's when things started going downhill, in "spiritual" terms, even though I didn't know it at the time. But my very analytical mind seemed to be working and storing everything for future reference...
As soon as I was about to graduate, and after knowing my College Board test score (with a 99% in Mathematics and in English), I knew I could study whatever I wanted...Mechanical Engineering, Architecture, so many things in which I was interested. But then, They came to me and told me I should waste my young years studying in a corrupt University, where I would surely end up as an alcoholic, drug-using, satanic puppy kicker...I should invest my time in eventually going into full-time Field Service! But I wasn't so sure, so I just went ahead and took a short course in Computer Programming (not even an Associates Degree) to have some kind of job...
Meanwhile, They started to approach me, to talk about baptism...How I was already 17 years old and I needed to make a decision now. So frankly I just felt I had to do it, succumbed to the pressure, and took the "tests" and was cleared for baptism. I went ahead and did it...And I felt the same I did before.
I never "dedicated" myself to Jehovah in private. I just yielded to pressure.
I eventually met and married a wonderful woman, who like me, was "born" into it all. We tried to be "spiritual", to be at the forefront, be an example...But it was hard. I remember working very, very hard in the Congregation, wanting to be a Ministerial Servant, only to be turned down because I didn't have enough repeat visits in the Field Service report...
Worship by numbers...
My dad was a faithful elder, worked hard, they used him (emphasis on "used") at the Conventions...Useful man for the Society. When he died a couple of years ago, not ONE member of the local Branch came to the funeral home, or called, or anything...All his "worldly" friends came and grieved and let us know how special he was for them.
My wife and I have become sick of the elitist attitude of most high-ranking Society members. And now we've started to re-discover all the incoherent things related to prophecies, doctrines...How the service had become a routine, something based entirely in appearances, not in substance.
We don't need to fade out--we have already done so in the last seven years. Makes it easier, I suppose. But still hard in a way...It feels really weird, especially when dealing with our family.
We moved recently to Texas, and we couldn't be better...A lot of pressure has been taken off our shoulders!
Anyway, this site has proven very useful in my research so far...And it's encouraging to read that so many people have gone through similar experiences!
R
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PS: Mastodon, rock on..! =o)
