My heart goes out to you Daniel-p.
I've asked the question here before and got answers that were all over the map. (The question: How important is having a common spiritual outlook to a marriage?) On top of that you've got the whole infatuation/fidelity question to ponder.
Does your employer have an "EAP"? (Employee Assistance Program) Sometimes you can at least get an initial consultation free of charge, or so I've heard.
At this point I'd say you've got to figure out what's most important to you and then move forward from there.
Stay strong my friend.
Open Mind
Heartbreak - A Marriage Divided By Religion
by daniel-p 22 Replies latest jw friends
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Open mind
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Billy the Ex-Bethelite
Daniel-p, I'm sorry you're suffering with a situation like this. It seems so backward that the one leaving the bOrg is trying to be faithful and save the marriage, while the JW appears to have already committed adultery in her heart (yes, as an elder I heard of a judicial case where it was the wife trying to get a scriptural divorce because her husband had 'committed adultery in his heart'). Matt 5:27,28.
I'm not married, but I have seen enough examples that I agree with jgnat. So, this guy has been nice to her a few times and he splits, so she thinks they have some kind of a wonderous loving future together? She has an image, but does she have any facts? Maybe he has a girlfriend(s) already. Maybe he's really gay. Why is there this situation where you're supposed to try to win her back from this supposed "Brother Dreamboat". If she's a JW, isn't she aware of scriptures such as Eph.5:22-24 or 1 Pet. 3:1,2. Do the local elders know that she has a wandering eye? I hope I don't sound harsh. She's your wife and you seem to sincerely love her. That doesn't give her the right to treat you badly.
Quick story: A friend of mine at Bethel had a local sister with a couple of kids go totally ape over him. She was convinced that they were in love and everyone was trying to keep them apart. Duh, he was just trying to be polite at the Hall and she started stalking him. Her family got her some medication to calm her. My friend avoided meeting new people for a while.
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cognizant dissident
Your wife is living in a deluded fantasy world (not unusual for JW's). You don't have to participate in it, though. Just be yourself. Don't try to win her back. She will never allow you to be finished trying to prove that you were the right choice. I like Jgnat's suggestion. If she is unhappy and wants to be with this other person, encourage her to follow her heart (well at least, don't try to talk her out of it). Probably nothing will come of it because it sounds like a one-sided fantasy. All you need to decide is if you still want to be with her after this?
I also think it was quite cruel and manipulative for her to fill you in on her obsession and blame you for it. She should take responsibility for her own feelings and her own choices. If she wants to end the marriage due to relgious differences and her own fantasies of another man, she should own up to it and just leave, not torture you both.
Cog