This thought may be out on a tangent, but here it goes.
The one thing JWs hate is legal trouble. The Watchtower almost never backs up a local Elder body and will turn them over to the wolves if they feel trouble is in the air.
I'm thinking of the possibility that you could at least threaten them with legal action. Something that basically states that you plan to hold them accountable for any intimidation and obstruction they participate in.
I know that it would be a pretty convoluted case in a court of law, but something official could at least scare the Elders into behaving better than usual. They hate their dirty laundry being brought before any outside source.
If you confront her new husband he probably will put himself in the "untouchable" category. You can't really do anything to him. Your mother is the one that finally needs to speak up. But until she does I would say letting him and those Elders know you are watching them and that you are going to hold them legally responsible if anything happens to her could be enough to cut down their egos.
Just a rambling thought. Could be totally impossible. Just wanted to throw it out there.
Important! My mother before Elders re marriage problems with Elder husband
by Guest with Questions 35 Replies latest social relationships
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drew sagan
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Guest with Questions
Thanks so much for all the responses. I had a whole page of venting again but have edited it.
I’m glad to hear that it is allowed to get outside counselling. Not sure if my mother will go for it at this point though. She was so strong when I talked to her in the morning, yet 4 hours later, after he came back from his meeting, she was cowering.
I agree that they’re only concerned with protecting their own butts. Elders that lead a spiritual organization, God’s chosen people, that only care about outward appearances? Does God not see?
The very thing I feared; that my mother’s husband is letting the Elders know that they need to butt out, that it’s his duty and right to handle his household the way he wants. My mother does tell him about the scripture: men love your wives like Jesus loves the Church. But I guess when a woman says something it’s invalid.
I have considered asking a neighbour if they have heard anything. I live 40 min away. Thankfully one of my brother's lives close by and always has his cell phone with him. I wanted a meeting with my mother’s husband and his son but my brother seems to think it would be better if it’s just him and her husband, man to man.
The only thing my brothers and I can do is be there for her. We will not abandon her. My oldest brother called yesterday and he will fly up if needed. He does not go to church but he is a spiritual loving man. I realize that in the end it’s her choice, either stay in this miserable marriage or break free. She lived alone for about 3 years and she was doing much better than she is now. But it isn’t easy for a 76 year old woman. She may even have to live with us for a period of time, don’t know how we would do that, the house is crowded as it is.
I am so tempted, if this gets even worse, to stand on the sidewalk by their Kingdom Hall holding a sign with the message that an Elder is verbally abusing my mother and the other Elders are silent, not protecting the widow. Where is the love?
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core
First and most important is your mothers emotional/physical health - is she safe with this man - sounds to me as if she would be better forgetting any help from elders and making other living arrangements - the husband/elder is unlikely to change his spots and pressure / exposure will probably make him WORSE in private - get your mother out of there while she is still sane
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AWAKE&WATCHING
Guest - I read it and all the others.
I've posted a little about my husband, who I left in August being verbally abusive. The fact that I put up with it AT ALL let alone for 5 years is what really amazes me. I consider myself to be a person that is very easy to get along with and I try to find redeeming qualities in everyone but child abusers of any kind. I am also the type of person that can cut off a negative person in a heart beat and do not tolerate games or bull shit in any form. I can not believe I tolerated what I did. I am not mousey at all. It's appalling what verbal abuse can do to your self esteem. You begn to make excuses to yourself for the abusers actions and blame yourself so you don't have to blame them.
If anyone you know is being abused verbally it is destroying the person they really are. Do everything you can to help them see that they have to get out. It's a horrible way to live.Iit only gets worse with time - never better.
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dinah
Guest,
I'm sorry his first two wives died. I guess I'm just a little jaded and calloused when it comes to dealing with these people.
Didn't mean to come across as completely uncaring.
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Guest with Questions
Yesterday I found an Awake January 2008 at the hospital’s waiting room. What the magazine's preach and what they actually do can be very different. Took it home. I noticed that it had two articles: Violence against Women and What Does Headship in Marriage Really Mean? I wonder if my mother and her verbally abusive Elder husband will study these articles. What timing! I only picked it up so no one else would.
I haven't read the full articles yet but I did read this:
Under Abuse: ......They have been physically, mentally and sexually abused......all women should be treated with honour and respect. It is their God-given due.
Under Headship: The Bible commands the husband to exercise his headship unselfishly, putting his wife's benefit ahead of his own. Eph 5:225 says: Husbands, continue loving your wives, just as the Christ also loved to congregation and delivered up himself for it. A husband who follows Chist's supreme example of love rejects a self-centred exercise of headship............He should gain an understanding of his wife's needs.