Hello all,
I have been coming to this site to read news and your stories for about a year now, but have never posted due to my mortal fear of somehow being found out... I have family in as most of you do, who are all very sincerely convinced that they are on the path of light.
I have never been happy with the beliefs, mainly the doublespeak on the status of women, the hypocrisy, the dramatisation of the smallest of matters, and the general guilt trip that was my life until I stumbled across some hard evidence that my suspicions about 'Gods channel' were well founded. Unfortunately I am now addicted to turning over every piece of information I can find, there seems to be no end to the amount of $#*& below the surface. I will probably remain in this state for awhile, hungrily devouring all the information that makes me feel validated for my stand against much of the mindless rubbish that has gone around me during my life as a JW. I am just grateful that I figured this out while I am still young.
I don't think I really faded as such, My husband and I had not been regular in field service for some years, but still keeping up appearances and had strong meeting attendance. The day I read the info on the UN association was the day the day we decided never to go back, true or not, we did not want to spend an eternity with the hypocrites or under an unfair and cruel god. The family has been puzzled. My parents don't question me too much because what I have said leaves them fearful of asking more. I think they know I can't keep quiet when I feel strongly about something and I will end up disfellowshipped for apostasy if anyone really badgers me about why I don't go. I have extended family, I don't want to lose them. I hate tiptoeing around because I just want to get on with the rest of my life. For the most part I can, but I have to be careful. The last thing I went to was an assembly, I mainly went to revalidate that I was against it all. I swear you could have seen the steam rising from my head, but then that was probably the case when I still believed too!! I also go to keep the peace. My parents are too old and die hard to get them out now. They think all the problems in the congregation are human failings localised to our area and that overall we are Jehovah's Happy People living in Satan's World...
Anyway that's my situation in a nutshell... I actually have a problem and am looking for some advice.. what will land me in more hot water? Allowing the CO to visit (apparently he wants to call in, but hasn't phoned yet), or saying no? I thought maybe allowing him to visit and pretending to be just weak and lazy would be more benign than saying 'no', as long as I leave C of C well out of sight
Would appreciate any thoughts or experiences... and thankyou to everyone who has unknowingly helped me over the past year, I am sure there are many more like I have been, silently
drawing strength from this site.