The Why of 5go

by 5go 30 Replies latest members private

  • 5go
    5go

    I finaly wrote my bio. Then I went to put it up and sure enough the formating butchered it. So here it is formated right, well sort of. Atleast it has paragraphs here.

    The Why of 5go

    I was born in the late seventies a son of two soldiers in Oklahoma in a military hospital two days late. Shortly after my birth my parents were sent to Germany to defend the US from the soviet menace. While there in Germany my mom left the army to become a house wife and care for me. I was two when they came they knocked on the door I was holding on to my moms leg. My mom had been looking for a religion sadly she chose the wrong one. Fortunately though my sister who my mom was pregnant with at the time was born before she became a witness and received the blood she needed to stay alive the ten years she did. When my sister was born she was born with a bad heart and that forced my parent back to the states.

    At first my mom was separated from here studies, though sadly they found her by coincidence. They were sent back to the US as well after leaving the military to the very same base we lived by. They then moved into our neighborhood, and that is how they found her again. My life was disrupted over and over again due to my sister illness I witnessed thing a child should never see, or hear. I lived thru it though it did effect me dearly. My dad sadly was kicked out of the military due to a incident caused by the stress of his new families problems. I don’t think he ever forgave himself for that.

    After his discharge we left to my mom’s family home to live with her dad and sisters. It was a good time though there was much hard ship my dad became a policeman. He loved it though it didn’t pay the bills and my sister was getting worse. During this time I was pretty much a foster child going from one family in the hall to the next. I didn’t make to many friends do to the stress of it all. Sadly, I did make one the wrong one Though I don’t blame him for what he did any more it left me scared for life though thank fully I repressed it till later. My parent still don’t know what happened.

    My dad one came home with good news he got a job in a town far away. I didn’t care I loved going to live in new places. Sadly though I was become a sociopath do to all the stress and I never fit in in the new town. I still managed to make friends. My life stabilized for awhile till one day my sister died it was the perfect day we were playing on a swing I looked over to see my sister lying dead. I went for help, sadly it was not till later that we found out she died before even I got to her.

    My life was going to hell. We lost our house do to the bills from the years of paying to keep my sister alive. We were forced to live in a mobile home that was borrowed form a family member. During this time the repressed memory surfaced and I went mad with guilt knowing I was going to die because of this sin. My father’s father died a slow death to cancer not long after that though the greatest insult was during our last visit to him while he was alive our motor home burned to the ground. Leaving us totally homeless. We lived in a barn (Morgan building) for a year. Then our luck changed my dad found a that was house cheap. Life went on a normal as it could till one I over came the guilt and got baptized. We still live on the property though the house we got with it is long abandoned.

    My adult life started out promising I went to a trade school. I then got a job with a friend. Then my life collapse with the tower on 9/11. I lost my job, I lost my friend, and I lost the remaining sanity I had. I hid the sanity part well though it did show thru at times. I found love, though I lost it before it began . She decided she loved Jehovah more and my friend more though she did nothing with him. My friend later married the sister he thought he had knocked up. I also found out I had a hereditary disease and a possible chromosome syndrome. During that time I went from job to job. I started to read the bible. It was a waking experience for me. I had doubts before I read it, but the more I read the bible the more I lost faith in it. This lead to me falling away from pursuing further witness goals. During this time, I also started to confront some feeling I had for awhile about my gender feelings.

    I was doing more research on the disease, and found out that I was TG. That I was supposed to be a girl because I had a XXY normally the Y chromosome is ignored but it wasn’t in my case. Most boys grow up not knowing this till they try to have kids and can’t. That was an end to my future family plans. I still live at home. Though, I am moving away from my parents soon. I am going to go live back with my mom’s sister in the north.

  • JK666
    JK666

    5go,

    I am following, but the last part of your post got cut off, please post the rest.

    JK

  • 5go
    5go

    Sorry I added it on to the first post. It still isn't finished I just decided that was enough till I leave the witnesses for good.

  • snowbird
    snowbird

    5go, you are special. Please don't ever forget that.

    A lot of us, myself included, have had rough childhoods. You are intelligent, resilient, and shrewd. Wherever you go, you should be able to make a success of yourself. Please keep in touch with JWD, ok?

    Sylvia

  • justhuman
    justhuman

    interesting

  • AWAKE&WATCHING
    AWAKE&WATCHING

    You make my childhood look like a piece of cake and that is saying something. Losing a sibling was tough for me as an adult. I am sure as a child it was heartbreaking, not just her death but the whole experience of dealing with things on a day to day basis under those conditions. I admire your resiliency.

    I hope that you are getting counseling for the TG issues. Don't try to go it alone 5go, we all have things we need help with. I hope you find the peace and love you deserve.

  • Tara
    Tara

    I can only imagine how horrible it is to be a child and witness your sibling's death. I wish you peace in your journey.

  • 5go
    5go
    I can only imagine how horrible it is to be a child and witness your sibling's death. I wish you peace in your journey.

    Strangly enough it bothered me but as much as you would of thought she wasn't suffering anymore, that idea helped. Though it made tearing away from WT beliefs harder.

  • AWAKE&WATCHING
    AWAKE&WATCHING

    I understand. Giving up belief in the paradise was very difficult for me as well. I lost my brother in 1999 and my son in 2005. My daughter's best friend committed suicide in 2005 and she was like a daughter to me.

    I really hated losing that belief.

  • R.Crusoe
    R.Crusoe

    Hey 5go I imagine your hurt has been great and your heart cut till it feels emptied of blood. Someone sent me this link about a person who had seen much in life and it helped me to see some of my own feelings in words. I hope it does the same for you. I gave up on the Bible because it was always making my soul argue with itself and I do not want it anymore because I want to love Him and not be afraid of Him! http://www.geocities.com/Athens/5484/Gibran.htm

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