So close to sending in the letter

by PoppyR 20 Replies latest jw friends

  • PoppyR

    So, I found out today that my whole family, that is Mother, Older brother wife and child, older sister and husband, younger brother and wife have gone away together for a week.

    Previously I would have been right in the center of all that. This time I didn't even know until after they'd gone. Cant say it doesn't hurt, what a punch to the gut. And all the scriptures about love amongst themselves and no natural affection come to mind, only applied the other way around.

    I texted my mum to say have a lovely time, and how nice it was having the whole family there, and she obviously picked up the sarcasm and sent one back saying they all missed me. In my head I can picture them talking about me and shaking heads and hoping the tough love will work.

    I sent her one back saying I am just grateful my own children will never feel that kind of rejction and that it re-affirms to me that I made the right choice. (I have faded, am not DAd of DFd but family know my strong feelings)

    My knee jerk reaction is to just send in my DA letter. I feel it would give me the freedom to actually live, and show them that I am not going to be convinced back in to the fold. I could also put up that tree!!

    I have very little contact with my siblings, they are all rock solid pioneers and elders etc, it's mostly my mum I hang on for as she is older and not in good health. I also dont give up hope that in years to come my siblings may see the light, especially as that ever promised end, doesn't actually arrive.

    Feeling very sorry for myself, and need some sympathy!

    Poppy R

  • mentalclearness

    I know how it feels to have all your family doing great activities and being left out because you are no longer an active witness. It's probably time to just start planning your own activities with other families. I am trying to get to know other families with kids so that we can organize camping trips and days at the beach ect. Make your own group. The great thing about friends is you can choose them. Unfortunately, family you are just stuck with.

  • purplesofa
    I feel it would give me the freedom to actually live, and show them that I am not going to be convinced back in to the fold. I could also put up that tree!!

    If that is what is what it will do for you........then...........


  • Gretchen956


    I'm not a big proponent of sending in letters, I think that is going along with their rules, but everyone has to do whatever THEY need for closure. Sounds like you need to have some closure and if that means sending that letter, than do it. As for your family, they are deep in the mind control. I'm thankful you found your way out, and who knows, maybe some day more of your family will too.


  • solidergirl

    Im sorry to hear that. The way i see it is that its their lost. I suggest that you go out start making your own friends that are just like you the real you.

  • Lady Liberty
    Lady Liberty

    (((HUGS))) I am sorry dear!!


    Lady Liberty

  • undercover

    Sorry to hear of your dilema...I can sympathize as I am the "black sheep" of my family as well.

    It does hurt, even when you try to not let it.

    The only advice I can give is to not to react while upset. Let some time go by before making any hard decisions. Sending the DA letter now would look like spite to your family, not helping your cause at all.

    As hard as it can be at times, I have learned to just go about my business with as little input or interaction with my family as possible. I get left out of things, but I continue to treat them as best as I can. What helps me to do so is to realize that they are victims of a cult. I've been lucky enough to escape, but they haven't. Hopefully in time some will see the light, but I realize that some won't so I accept it and have learned to accept them as they are...which is all I ask of them to do of me.

    Hang in there...

  • PoppyR

    Thanks for all your kind words, a rare moment of self pity for me, because my life on the whole is very good.

    Dont you think the 'go out and make new friends' is easier said than done!

    I am very lucky in the sense that I had two close friends I made through work before I left the Org, but for the past couple of years I have actively tried to seek old and new friends and find it's not that simple.

    Must try harder!

  • purplesofa
  • mentalclearness

    It's difficult to make new friends. But one thing that has worked for me is observing the children who seem to be well behaved and pretty normal at the activites my kids are involved in (soccer, etc) and befriend their parents. It's not easy but necessary to make a network that replaces the old one.

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