So close to sending in the letter

by PoppyR 20 Replies latest jw friends

  • Borgia


    I empathise with what you are going through. They have decided to put you on marked, which is not very loving.

    But sending in your letter would most definately break the bonds. If you, as you say, really only have contact with your mother, then maybe it would not be all to prudent to put to much stock into sending it. Once sent you cannot reverse it. It will only change your situation in that it will make it much harder for your mother to contact you.

    Just keep breathing and living.



  • zack

    Be true to yourself.

  • Maddie

    Hi Poppy

    It is so cruel how JW's justify this way of acting as "love". It's about as far away from the agape love the bible speaks of as you can get. Trouble is most of them really believe they are doing the right thing, not that it helps much to know that. I am in the same situation so I my heart goes out to you.

    I hope your family are one day able to see through the WT fog.


  • flipper

    POPPY- I am in the same situation as Maddie, yourself and some others here. I feel fo you sis ! Please know and feel the love and caring from this board. It has been a big help to me as well since I joined! I too hold on for my 80 year old mother still in , but she is respectful of my fade . Your point about making new friends is true, it is hard but as time goes on you will see how to meet others and learn to trust people who we all once considered " worldly ". Believe me they are more loving and caring than many witnesses I knew. So continue fading , at least you will still be able to talk with your mom . If you close the door with a letter of dissassociating you'll be looked on worse by your family and they wouldn't talk to you unless you got back in it! And who of us sane people want to go back ?! LOL! So, as Undercover and Gretchen said, just consider your steps carefully . Peace out, we are here for you, Mr. Flipper

  • PoppyR

    Thanks for kind words and suggestions, that's the great thing about this board, I've only read back through about 2 days posts this afternoon and found many people going through exactly the same.

    I have written and saved the letter, that in itself was cathartic! I decided to keep totally away from trying to convince them they were wrong and just highlight that I thought it was wrong that I had to lie about what I believed in order to keep my family. I still dont know if to send it, and will sleep on it.

    This may all be a moot point as last week for Halloween we all dressed up as witches and vampires, and I work in a public library, who should be one of the first people to walk in and see me dressed like that but the POs wife.. lol.

    Decided also to try and be more proactive, I was undecided about the London apostafest in a few weeks as I work until 5 and am over 100 miles away, but thought to myself it's time to stop making excuses and get out there, the last one I attended was great.


  • Gopher

    Hey Poppy,

    I am sorry to hear about the way you've been marked. Then they have the gall to say you were "missed"? C'mon, they're the ones who created the absence by not inviting you!! My parents also blame me for the void, since I'm DF'd. And you're not even DA'd yet!

    It you send the DA letter, do it for you because it feels like the right decision.

    Some have said sending in a DA letter is playing by their rules, and for some it may feel that way. However, you could also view it this way: Sending in the DA letter tells them you will never again play by their rules!!

  • new boy
    new boy

    Each person must do what "feels" right to them.

    My son DAed himself as I did. We publicly when into their world (baptized)...we wanted to make a public display going out...not just for us but for all those still "in the borg." We felt that by doing so, we were saying "We are no longer playing by their rules."

    This was done before they could find something to DF us them some kind of justifacation to hate us in their world...since they were anyway.

    My Daughter decided to just fade...

    No matter which way you go "Welcome to the Twilight Zone"


  • llbh

    Hi Poppy,

    I would have love to had a picture of po wife's face when she saw you lol. Are you are you going Dec1? I not y not? I think I was marked before I faded, they did not know how 2 take me they still don't

    Keep posting and don't plat by their rules

    regards llbh

  • PoppyR

    Yes I am doing the apostanoodle!

    And yes her face was a picture. But we had such a giggle doing it. although my false nose kept falling off

    Strangely enough it was my ex who asked me 'did you dress up as a witch'... and then admitted the PO had told him, so I think he was guaging if I was going to tell the truth or not. The gossip mill works so well in the cong.

    My boys are torn poor things, 12 and 13 and loving halloween and partly envious of me dressing up and not sure if to disapprove or not! Hopefully in time they will see the fun I can have and the restrictions of the Borg.



    ((((((((((Hugs to you, Poppy ))))))))))

    Sending your da letter might be a knee-jerk reaction.

    Take some deep breaths.

    Your family still loves you, Poppy.They are only doing what they are
    told from the platform to do. They are not doing what is really in their hearts.

    The JWD family loves you, too.We just want you to do what is right for you --- from the love in your heart.We trust you will do what is healthy for you when the time is right. In the meantime, vent here all you want. It's all okay here!



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