I sure did for a while. Due to the way I was raised a JW I constantly felt guilt for trying to act like the other guys and it made me stand out even worse. To this day, due to this, I nowdays become somewhat physically ill whenever I hear a brother give a talk where he says (many here have heard it in different forms) "if Jehovah was looking at you youths in the congregation during school could he tell the difference between you and a worldy person." Myself and most of the other JW guys during middle school and high school did not have the confidence or the "rough and ready to fight" type of body language so we tended to get picked on. I finally decided to "pretend" and send the message to the other guys in the locker room that I knew what I was doing my working out. By the end of my Senior Year I had pretty well defined muscles and got picked on a lot less ... but no one knew that I still didnt know how to defend myself.
To this day I cant throw a single punch ... but now am considering taking up some martial arts in secret so I can at least protect myself should a unfortunate situation arise.
and ... This week in my JW Land ... (I still attend most meetings only because all of my family and extended family are JW's - though I no longer believe any of it)
Questioning Motives (May or may not be harmless…)
A bethel speaker is coming to my hall this Sunday - November 11, 2007 to give his “timely bible based talk” Which I think if I remember correctly is titled “How to avoid traps from the Devil.” Most in the hall are so overjoyed at the though of the upcoming spiritual food from a bethelite - but I am thinking kinda … why now?
Having a Dissonance Moment
Just last week my mom was picking up my aunt from our Kingdom Hall (BTW it’s been 20 years – as old as I am – and she still has no car due to excessive pioneering and no college). Through the ride we pass by that mega church near Crenshaw. When “Bernice”, known by us and around the hall for being the balance of mean yet overly zealous, passed by it she said loudly “See if Christendom here would just get on the ball (which really means to start serving the WTBTS) and stop serving Satan we would have more of these huge buildings for ourselves to worship Jehovah in convenience since Woodland Hills got torn down and sold … but nooo.” I swear it took everything I had in me to not scream back “BUT WHY SHOULD THEY IF THEY DON’T WANT TO AND YOU KNOW WHAT THEY DON’T HAVE TO - AND GUESS WHAT THEY WOULD BE RIGHT NOT TO!” I restrained myself because I knew if I said anything remotely like this it would be “Game Over” between me and my family. In truth, trying to leave this org has taught me to be stronger instead of weaker. The literature always taught me that leaving the org will cause you to enter into “Satan’s system which will break you down.”
Thinking about WTS Doctrine
The Society has a lengthy history of other doctrinal mistakes and medical blunders such as not allowing vaccinations and considering organ transplants in the not so distant past. These mandates were wrong when they first came off the presses and they were wrong many years later when finally reversed. To attribute these flip-flops to "the light getting brighter" is just not just irresponsible but dumb. If God was real – Jehovah would make sure to never change his mind like this. He is a "God of truth"... "Who cannot lie". Imperfect men lead of blindness in positions of oversight have made these doctrinal decisions, which have caused lives of well meaning people to be cut short without any justifiable reasons. There were no apologies made either. This poor historical record of mistakes only makes the current blood transfusion policy even more suspect. Blind trust in an organization that has a track record of mistakes and errors like this is both foolish and dangerous. Especially when we must force these policies on younger, inexperienced, helpless ones. To be forced into "practice sessions" with the little kids in my hall just so they can make a better stand simply does not sound right to me.
Just Noticed …The Irony!For the first time in five years I actually bothered to look at the name of the church of “Christendom” that was a block across from our KH and guess what … it was a Seventh Day Adventist! Maybe it was like a “sign” for me all along ... because as some know the JW's somewhat a breakoff from them.
Love Bombing New Potential Recruits AKA “The Desperate Vulture Syndrome”
It is so sickening now to see how every Sunday when a new “interested person” comes to hear the talk the door greeter has to give out his canned “welcome and don’t stop coming”, the friends all rush over like zombies at the end to say “well, well, well, well, what didchathink?!”, and the occasionally interjected “this is the truth!” No wonder, and I am serious, there have been ABSOLUTELY NO new people come to our hall since 2005.