I have served as a JW since 1986, im now nearly 30 yrs old. I pioneered, I served at Bethel then I read the bible............. OH ! Hang on..... something doesnt seem right. I researched and discovered the Rand Cam cover up, whilst at bethel I was questioned over The Guardians article concerning The UN library card.
I was very good at answering, I was very good with talks, I was destined for big things, But I knew that it wasnt adding up. I have an inbuilt desire to learn and I endeavour to seek as much knowlege as I can. Elders even now will admit I have a greater understanding and 'academic' knowlege of the truth and the bible. But I cant carry on any longer, all my friends are JW's, my family that I care about are too, I know that in some wayt they look to me for my opinion on the truth, but I cant tell them.
I have been inactive for a year, i have stopped attending meetings, I am unable to be hypocritical. My friends are so bewildered, i love them so much and I know they love me. Due to my past and achievments in the truth i have been able to carry on with immunity, they assume im going through a tough patch. The elders know that I must have seen or figured something out, they dont come near. The few times Iv crossed paths with elders i have come out on top in scriptual terms.Our family personally experienced the elders covering up issues that should have gone to the authorities. It angers me greatly.
BUT , even though i left school with 10GCSE's I pioneered, I went to bethel, I went to every quick build. But now, despite the uncomfortable district assembly, despite the comments such as "Oh yeah, cos well need that in the new system..." I am studying to save lives again. Every lecture I attend, life, real life becomes more clear, clarity and vision is returning and distaste at the controlling Watchtower empire grows. My friends and family are gaining suspicion, i mock WT thoughts, i mock plainly unscriptual rules and regulations, no jeans or t-shirts in the evenings after a district assembly was an easy target. They can see in my eyes that I am no longer buying it. In a recent elders meeting with some of my family relating to a family issue, i berated them and roared at every improper piece of advice or comment. They fear me, i dont respect them. My sister compared me to a member of the mafia defending his family before the elders. But what now............
I have returned to education and Im studying to become a Doctor. I have to admit I have learned alot of academic skills from the organisation. But then i did invest over 20 years of my life. 20 years for the ability to speak well before a class....hmmm what a deal !! I love people, I like humanity, i have hope in human goodness. I want to save lives for real, not by knocking doors and pointing them towards a conglomerate coporation. I want to REALLY help people, REALLY stave off disease, REALLY stop pain, REALLY hold back death and REALLY prolong LIFE. And... I will
But saying all this, I feel scared , I feel lonely. I have been torn in two for the recent past, I have craved a partner to love, but I knew the fellow JW girls, despite their beauty both inward and outward, I couldnt in all conscience marry one knowing how I felt about the truth. (you should have seen them flock at a party recently when they found out I was studying medicine, one girl asked to marry me!). But in blunt honesty, im left lonely, nearly 30, a virgin and in a big big world, where everyone else is miles ahead of me in many ways, despit my academic awareness and good social skills. My fellow students cant for the life of them work out why im single, imagine if they knew i was 100% pure, LOL. or rather COL.
Hope to talk to some of you, befriend you and move away from the controlling society of power hungry nobodies. They are but men, I dont claim to be any more than that myself. I just want to be a good person. Hope my first post reaches the right people, im not intrested in tearing JW's up, i love alot of them, feel sorry for alot of them, and lets admit we have all been where they are all now, so lets not mock. I want to grow up now not cut others down.
A new member of the community. Its took some doing, just to do this......... Phew.............So....well.... Hi x