Letting go of JW relatives (Long) (page 2)

Rex B13

Hi Joel,
Your struggle must be twice as hard as most. You are a courageous person and a fine, gentle-man. Your true friends are those who accept you as you are.
Where are you at, Joel? I'm looking to meet ex-JWs in the Pittsburgh, East Ohio areas.
Rex

garybuss

Hi Mega

Wish you success. All my attempts to have human relationships with believing Witness relatives have been failures. In the end I have had to accept their decisions to shun and snub me. The burden of reconciliation resided with them. The choice of initiation of contact resides with them as well.

At first the snubbing hurt me. Now it just pisses me off. Blackmail of the lowest kind. Just think of a person who would snub and shun her own child, or brother or sister and use religion as an excuse. The religion is not at fault the shunner is.

I quit giving them opportunities to shun me. I have contempt for them and their religion. I do not have blanket forgiveness in escrow waiting for them to stop over and pick it up someday. They got a heck of a lot of making up to do to ever get anywhere near me again.

I have thought of bargaining with a shunner but never done it. I’d rather slit my throat.

Happy weekend,

gb

Esmeralda

((((((((mega))))))))))

Being that we're both INFJ, I bet our positions in our families were similiar too.

You know, I agonized for three years about not seeing my cousins, who were like sisters to me.

When we did run into eachother at my father's bedside at the hospital and the cousin I'd been closest with walked past me without even saying a word, while my Dad was still in critical condition, something happened inside me that I can't describe. It didn't hurt, it was like by doing that she killed so many of the feelings I had.

The relatives actually came over to my house twice to visit my dad while he recouperated here. After making small talk with them over coffee for a couple hours, I realized that we have absolutely nothing in common and even if they weren't shunning me, I am so different now that our interactions would be filled with awkward silence. They are super-dubs. I am...definitely not.

I don't miss them anymore. I realized that I've become too different and that I wouldn't want to be who I was before even if that gave me my family back. Not only don't they know me, but I really don't know them anymore either.

Now contrast that with the members of my family who still deign to see me: My mother, my oldest sister. That is more of a hell in many ways than not seeing the others was. Because they just can't help themselves...they have to keep trying to revisit the past and get me to reconsider reinstatement. It got so stressful for me that I finally had to back way off and tell my sister that if she couldn't keep off the subject, we couldn't see eachother until she could.

I've seen her once in the past three months. She came to visit my daughter.

She still mentioned their "special comforting work" and the collections that the society was taking for the "Ny disaster"

They just can't stop themselves.

I hope that you find some peace in this. That is the best that any of us can hope for... some peace.

*hugs*
essie

shellijo

I was raised a JW. I know exactly how you feel!! My mother sisters and friends are all ghosts of the past. It is better as yime goes by - much better. I feel sorry for their losses (I have the only grandchildren). Including their loss of peace. Don't you feel better now that the weight and stress is gone? I had the illusion of hope that they had true love for me. I had to acknowledge that it is simply not in their hearts. You cannot make people open their minds.

I have your same sense of loss. But I have true peace in my heart now that I know I did all I could and they are adults like me. They choose life without me. Therefore, their concept of love and family (and friends) is an illusion.

ladonna

Dear Mega,

You have shown yourself to be the kind, caring, and deeply spiritual person that I have had the pleasure of speaking to privately.
What you have done is show unconditional love, Mega. That is the greatest love of all, and the most pure.

Your mother should be proud to call you her son.

Also, you are free Mega, free from the ties that bound you to negative thinking about yourself and your family.
You have "let go".

You have shown great courage and are an example of what can come of unconditional love and forgiveness.

Love,
Ana

Eamajination

Scott:
Just wanted to tell you that your posting was very inspiring and beautiful. Thank you for sharing with us and giving many a pattern they might follow to obtain peace in their heart from the pain of separation. It's apparent that God's spirit directed you. God bless, Loli

Parsnips

Megadude..I was told in the chat room that you and I have a lot in common. I am divorced, but my husband stayed in. I took the brunt end. I am shunned.....big time...any way, I will check this message, to see if you replied, I need someone to talk to. Parsnips.

MegaDude

parsnips,

you email me at [email protected]

jst2laws

parsnips,
Welcome to the board. Hope you find lots of friends to talk to.

Jst2laws

MegaDude

I missed this long ago. You handled this all so well.
I want an update. Is you mother still shunning you? Even if she is you certainly gave her a lot to think about. Be patient.

Jst2laws

bigfloppydog

Megadude, your story has truly touched my heart. I have a sister and mother who will have nothing to do with me since I left, I cry many tears for not having them in my life, and can't seem to get past the lose. My sister lives just around the corner from me, she moved here awhile ago, she said she came back to live here to set things straight and try to get family back togeather, but to no avail, she still shuns me, if there has been any contact between us, it has always been my doing, with no response from her. I have come to the hard conclusion she doesn't want me in her life. Everytime I set eyes on her, I secretly cry, so she never knows what I go through, and I wonder if she cares at all. It is so hard, because we grew up togeather. For the longest time all we had was each other. I see in her a totally changed person. One who is like a recluse (spelling).
All I want is my sister, the one I used to know back again, yet fear that will never happen. And my mother, well that's a very long and different story.

Letting go of JW relatives (Long)

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