I HAVE MADE A DECISION TO LEAVE

Maddie

I haven't been on JWD for the last few days as my good friend had her mum die suddenly and I have been spending time just being there for my friend.

I was shocked and saddened to hear that Trevor and Linda was a sham. It's sometimes hard not to become cynical with life and not trust anyone when this sort of thing happens.

I have made a big decision and I hope that I don't live to regret it. I have posted that I have been trying to "fade" as my son and his family are JW's and I don't want to lose them because of being shunned. The last few weeks have been quite difficult for me over this and I find myself feeling trapped, depressed and just a little paranoid. I have realised that living a "lie" is not an easy matter because of many reasons, not least still being a prisoner of the WT. I want to be able to live my life with the freedom to do whatever I decide to do, If I want to go to another church I don't want to be looking over my shoulder to see if any JW's see me, or if I want to take part in any celebrations then to do so without being fearful of being "caught". I need to be able to express how I really feel and not have to pretend I'm something that I'm not.

I was df'd once and went back because of being shunned and losing family, so I have experienced the heart ache and grief that went with it and I know that this will happen again. The only difference this time will be that I am retaining my power by telling them that I choose to leave because I know it is a lie and not the "Truth".

There are so many that are "fading" because of the shunning policy and I am feeling guilty because I am too selfish to be able to carry on doing this. I never felt good enough as an active JW because I always found it hard to live up to and struggled with life. I am fortunate in that my husband of five years is not, nor never has been a JW and supports me in whatever choice I make over this. He didn't know anything about the JW's until he met me, and he is shocked and appalled at the shunning policy and the the cover-ups.

I have posted before that my son has issues from the past that he needs to deal with, but at this time he won't go for any help outside the WT. He believes that it isn't a good thing to do because everything in the "world" is run by satan. When I leave the borg I wont be able to try and reason with him over these things anymore. He is a mature adult now with a wife and family so I am hoping that he will change his mind one day and realise that the WT isn't Jehovah's Organisation and that all their rules and regulations are put in place to safeguard their own interests and not for his benefit.

I have a very heavy heart right now so it would help me through this to know that you understand.

Maddie

purplesofa

I was df'd once and went back because of being shunned and losing family, so I have experienced the heart ache and grief that went with it and I know that this will happen again. The only difference this time will be that I am retaining my power by telling them that I choose to leave because I know it is a lie and not the "Truth".

purps

megsmomma

Everyone has to do what is best for them. I hope it brings you peace, and gives your son strength.

Gopher

Maddie,

I'm so glad. (At first when you were referring to Trevorgate, I was afraid you were leaving this board. Good thing you aren't!)

Like Shakespeare wrote, "To Thine Own Self Be True". You will not regret doing so.

As far as not fading, it seems that cutting things off is, for you, by far the better decision. It's not selfish. To give the most of yourself, you have to first eliminate those things that are draining you or don't fit in your life any more. So ultimately, you have to take care of yourself first (be a little selfish) before you have much to give to others. So this is a HUGE step in the right direction.

As far as your son, this will be a tough adjustment -- I don't know if it'll be harder for him or for you. But over time he'll see you living a happy and fulfilled life outside Watchtower-world. You're modelling a possible future change for him, if he should choose to take the key and free himself.

We're always here to listen. The transition won't be easy, but after it gets worse it will get better!

journey-on

Maddie, my heart goes out to you. It is such a conundrum. On the one hand you want to be true to yourself,

but by doing that you will alienate your son and grandchildren. You will give up having a happy family normal

relationship with them. You've been through the pain of disfellowshipping before, so you know what is in store

once you make your decision. All I can say to you is when your heartache becomes too much to bear, seek

counsel and encouragement right away. JWD helps a lot. I would write a letter to my son and maybe even

one for your grandchildren to read now or later if and when they have questions about your separation from them.

Others on this board will poo-poo this advice, but I still find great comfort in the right kind of PRAYER. I believe

there is a Divine Presence one is able to connect to especially in times of pain and stress to find comfort and

encouragement. ((((Maddie))) Good luck, dear..............Journey-on

JK666

If this is what you want to do, AFTER THOROUGH INVENTORY, then do what you think is best for your serenity. Do not look back!

Love in trudging the road of happy destiny,

JK

Maddie

GOPHER - Thank you and I have agonised over this the last few days but I can only hope that something good will come out of it one day. I have to believe that or I don't think I could cope.

Maddie

onesong

I hear you Maddie and my heart goes out to you.

For what it's worth, in my experience leaving and observing other friends that have left as well, I think the healthiest action for yourself AND those you love, is to live YOUR truth. It can be scary as hell considering how people will react but I've watched some people sort of hide and not live honestly and it keeps them stuck and unhappy.

The most loving thing we can do for our friends and family is to be open and up front despite their reaction. If we only present a facade then what's real between us? Trust yourself and see what happens.

Just my thoughts, everyone's path is different and all take courage. My blessings to you.

F alse

E vidence

A ppearing

R eal

Maddie

JOURNEY ON - Thank you I do believe in prayer and havn't lost my faith entirely thank goodness.

JK - You know how important serenity is for me and being true to myself. I can't live a lie and keep well, it is too stressful.

Gayle

I want to congratulate you on personal decision. I am happy for you that you have your husband by your side and you have all his support. Since you have your son in the JWdom yet though, I suggest if possible to wait and not get df'd or da'd. Could you just stop going to meetings for now? I personally don't think the elders deserve an explanation as they really don't care about you in reality or the long run. Try to avoid them like the plague. Just give it time and you'll be out of their 'radar.' How you handle the celebrations, might could look more from your husband as an unbeliever in some way for awhile? Best wishes for you and hopefully with time your son will re-question that empty world and realize that they cannot, will not, aren't even closely able to help him in his life.

I HAVE MADE A DECISION TO LEAVE

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