OnTheWayOut- Some of my own history

by OnTheWayOut 31 Replies latest members private

  • OnTheWayOut
    OnTheWayOut

    I have been reluctant to post this as it reveals much about me. WT spies keep in mind that I could
    be changing some of the details just to throw you all off. I could actually be an active MS from a
    small town in Idaho, with a wife and 4 kids. It takes two to prove it, anyway

    Here's some of the story:

    My mother trained me and my siblings from the PARADISE LOST book when we were little. She hid
    it from my dad. Since he was working and drinking, we wound up going to the meetings with her, but
    occasionally, he would show up and take us out. At least once, he made a scene at the hall.

    My mother quit going to the hall after her DF shortly after 1975. She also was divorced shortly before that happened.
    She tried to have a normal life, almost reconciled with my dad, but changed her mind and I stayed with
    her while my siblings moved in with my dad after turning 14 (part of the divorce decree allowed each child
    to go to whichever parent they chose after 14).

    My mother hooked up with her current husband and they lived together for a few years. She decided to
    go back to the K.H. and get reinstated. She asked if I wanted to go. I said NO WAY. I never went with her.
    I did not experience them shunning her. Somewhere in there, she got reinstated. I did not like the rules at
    home, and it got worse once she was a JW again. I turned 14 in there and moved to Dad's home. One sibling
    was already out of the house, and the other was almost out of High school. Meanwhile, Dad had more kids so
    there were little kids in the house. His drinking was bad, but it didn't effect his work.

    I got hooked on drugs and booze and dropped out of school just short of graduating. I joined the military and
    saw the world. I did a six-year hitch and enjoyed Europe, South America, the Caribbean, Africa- just a taste of
    many of these, but I loved travel. Before my hitch was over, the heavy drinking caught up to me. I made a mess
    of my life and attempted suicide. I put a gun in my mouth and tried to pull the trigger. I assumed divine intervention
    when my hair-trigger gun did not go off. In reality, I am sure it was just not being able to go through with it.

    Instead of getting treated for my attempted suicide, the military treated me for alcoholism. They put me in a hospital
    with counseling by amateurs. There was nothing wrong with the program. I am sure I needed it, as I am an alcoholic.
    It just never addresses my suicide attempt. I was made to go to AA meetings while still in the service.

    I contacted my mother and father while getting treatment. Mom sent some JW's to the hospital to talk to me.
    Since I assumed divine intervention on the suicide, I figured divine intervention was still going on. These JW's were
    sent by God. They gave me a NWT Bible and some brochure. I read the Gospels in a couple of days. The JW's
    studied with me and everything they said must have been true- afterall, this was divine intervention. It seemed to
    make sense, so I didn't question it. I got out of the military and stayed in that area to continue studying. I got
    a cleaning job from a "brother" and got baptized shortly after.

    Even though I was sure I should be a JW, my study went into the LIVE FOREVER book, and I had many questions.
    The elder covering the book with me felt that I was being stubborn for asking so much. He thought I should just
    parrot the answers to the questions, since I was already baptized before finishing the book. He was glad to finish
    with me and move on to other students. I actually felt like he was finished with me as soon as he couldn't count
    as much field service time, as he was a pioneer. So now I had unanswered questions and got the brush off. Other
    JW's liked me, so I got over it. Besides, I was working hard and going out in service every weekend. No time to
    figure out what's wrong.

    I married a "sister" who was a few years out of high school and still living at home so she could pioneer. She was
    the only baptized witness in her immediate family, although some of them went to the hall regularly and she had
    distant family that was JW. We had a short courtship and got married with the blessings of all the JW's.

    1995 rolled around. I was a newly appointed elder by then. I still had many problems with the doctrine, but had
    never really gotten around to investigating them. I did learn to use the computer to do talks and loved the WT Library
    when the first one came out. Talks got easier and easier. I was really good at promoting the WT doctrines. But
    when that "This Generation" change rolled around, I couldn't believe it was just no big deal to the elders and rank
    and file. I tried to get some JW's to comment about the problems with it, but nobody admitted it was a problem. The
    elder who studied with me had beat it into my head that the 1914 Generation was old and the end was right around
    the corner. I dropped questions, as I was a new elder.

    Many judicial matters disturbed me. It was always procedure before kindness. Organizational loyalty was ahead of
    anything else. The BOE was hiding things from the C.O. so he wouldn't come down on them.

    I had decided to pursue a better job because of the 1995 Generation change. It looked like I was going to retire in this
    system of things so I better be doing something that made more money than washing windows and floors. I won't tell
    you what job I eventually landed, because I am a fader, but let's say I was very happy with the work, and still am.
    The money was much better than a janitor could make. I started taking vacations to actual resorts and tropical places
    because I remembered seeing the world and loving it when I was in the military. My wife was thrilled to see the world,
    too.

    Years past. We were busy, but happy. We moved to a foreign lang. cong. because my wife knew the language,
    and the Borg was pushing it. Also, I thought I wouldn't be appointed an elder because I didn't know the language.
    I was wrong. They appointed me. I was busy learning the language instead of focusing on the doctrine. I did learn
    enough to be used at the meetings and even deliver public talks, but it was just saying the doctrine without really
    reinforcing it in my mind. The struggle with the language allowed my mind to drop the constant indoctrination and
    focus on the words. Soon, I severely doubted the doctrine.

    I had spoken to my Mom about "this generation." Yes, I finally got around to addressing it. She told me about the
    stuff she learned as a student prior to 1975. She learned that the end was right around the corner because Adam was
    created 6000 years ago, and the creative day was 7000 years long. The only reason the end hadn't arrived yet was
    because Eve must have been created some years after Adam and there was still time before the 7th creative day was
    6000 years old. It sounded crazy, but what I learned was that she remembered and still believed the stuff she was
    indoctrinated with- and I had an impossible time letting go of the stuff I was indoctrinated with (1914 generation).

    In 2005, two things happened. I went to another elder school. They reminded us that elders' sins could be overlooked
    if considered small, so that they could remain elders. The specifics were about viewing pornography, but older elders
    told me that this was stated in the past over other matters. Prior to that school, I was at a DC where a Governing Body
    member spoke. I didn't know who he was and I was promoting the doctrines that these guys dream up. I didn't know
    how these guys came up with it. I researched the matter before the elders school, but nothing in print told me anything
    about how the GB operates. It's members are "not inspired" but older mags said they operated like a prophet. It
    didn't add up. When new information came out at the school, I was sure that it was wrong. Remembering that the GB
    are not inspired, I decided that elders are not a clergy class that deserves special privileges. All those doubts I had,
    but I was never at this point- able to say THEY ARE WRONG.

    I kept quiet during the first half of 2006, but started reading stuff on the internet. I realized from freeminds.org and
    jwfacts.com that WTS was a false prophet or a mind-control cult, or whatever you want to call a false religion of it's type.
    I confided in my dad that I was going to make plans to get out from under the WTS control. I ordered many books.
    The ones from former members, I had delivered to Dad's house.

    I resigned as an elder, actually citing all my doubts from "this generation" and elders' sins overlooked and a few others.
    The only lie I told the BOE was that I had "doubts." By the time I spoke to them, the doubts were over with. I knew.
    My profile and threads can describe the shepherding that the C.O. did not really care to give me. I have had no help
    whatsoever from the BOE or the C.O. except for when I first turned in my resignation. I continued going to meetings
    for several months, cutting back. By the memorial of 2007, I was done with the meetings. I am very happy that the
    elders did not try to help me back, but I act stumbled by their inaction for the wife to see that they are not good
    shepherds unless the sheep stay in line.

    My reason for telling my story:
    I posted heavily (still do) on JWD as a way of providing self-therapy. I am still an
    alcoholic and have fallen off the wagon about 6 times in the last 19-20 years. I always got right back on the wagon.
    Some posters were praising my fade, asking me for advice. I felt very fragile. I enjoyed giving advice, but I honestly
    don't think I was doing so great. I was obsessed with anti-JW information and this JWD board. I recently realized that
    my mother doesn't want to come out of the Borg in any way, she wants them to keep making decisions for her. I also
    know that my wife may one day come out, but right now she is loving the social aspect of being JW.

    Meanwhile, I am dealing with why I am so bitter with WTS. Here's what I think. I never resolved my first issue. The
    thing that made me suicidal was never addressed. Alcohol counsel was good, but not at the root of the problem. I don't
    feel suicidal today. I don't even want to hurt myself or others. I am at peace with the rest of the world except for WTS.
    I don't even have bitterness toward the members (except maybe the bumbling C.O.). I never resolved the issues because
    Jehovah's Witnesses came and solved all my problems. "The end is right around the corner, so don't worry about what
    made you suicidal." "You have a higher purpose in life now, declaring the good news about Jehovah's Kingdom."
    This is probably why the "this generation" change disturbed me so much. I needed the end to arrive shortly. By 1995, I was
    still distracted by daily work and marriage and preaching. After 1995, I was distracted by elder responsibilities and a
    new better career. BUT I STILL NEVER ADDRESSED THE ORIGINAL PROBLEM. Even doing all the anti-JW research is
    not addressing my original problems, but it helps.

    Don't put me on a suicide watch. I will be okay. Fading is, in some ways, like not addressing the issues. I have been doing
    that for 20 years. I won't be turning in a DA letter yet, but I must move closer to allowing issues to be out in the open. I will
    spend time with non-JW family during holidays and I will enjoy watching R-rated movies or reading about cults or whatever I
    want. For now, I will refrain from openly defying the WTS in front of my wife, but I may change my mind on that. I will start
    doing research on my actual problems and will look for a good counselor.

    I doubt that I will address this issue again on JWD. Therapy is very private (to me). I might change my mind. I just wanted
    you all who care to better understand why I have been heavily posting, and generally bitter at WTS, experiencing ups and
    downs. Thanks for reading. Now I have to fight the urge to delete this before hitting SUBMIT, so here goes.

    Edited to add: I didn't delete it. Also important to the story. My wife decided to get an education after I started
    making money. I didn't try to stop her, as we would be retiring in this system of things. She now has a master's
    degree. She loves education, and is much happier than when she was a struggling lower wage worker.

  • reneeisorym
    reneeisorym

    Tag for later when I have time to read. Thanks for posting this.

  • neverendingjourney
    neverendingjourney

    Thanks for sharing. I have a very close family member who is an alcoholic. I've seen how devestating it really is. I wish you all the best in the future.

  • llbh
    llbh

    otwo Enjoyed your story, parralels for me and others. I am glad your wife got a masters.Being a window cleaner is hard work, I like you managed to make my money elsewhere, oddly enough by listening to my customers. Fading was harder for me but much easier for my JW wife. Funny how an organisation promotes family values but its members do not invite me and my 11yr non JW son to any get togethers though my JW wife and daughter get invited.

    Hope all goe well for you and your family

    Regards llbh

  • changeling
    changeling

    Thank you for sharing this with us OTWO.

    You have always been one of the posters I respect the most.

    Now, probably more so.

    changeling

  • minimus
    minimus

    WoW!!!

    OTWO, you are so right regarding never getting to the root of the problem. JWs are on such a fast track, they can't even get time to think. I'm glad you are here! Your experience will help others that have undergone similar issues. Thank you for sharing.

  • nvrgnbk
    nvrgnbk

    Thanks for sharing that, OTWO.

    Your postings were important to me while I was lurking and encouraged me to start posting myself.

    You've helped alot.

  • Open mind
    Open mind

    OTWO,

    Takes a lot of courage for a private person like yourself to put that out there.

    I'm glad you did.

    May you find peace.

    As always, PM me anytime.

    Open Mind

  • GoingGoingGone
    GoingGoingGone

    Wow. You have amazing insight into your motivations for doing what you do and feeling what you feel.

    Thank you for sharing.

    GGG

  • AWAKE&WATCHING
    AWAKE&WATCHING

    (((((OTWO))))) - I can't put into words how much respect I have for you. You have been one of my favorites from the beginning of my journey and have helped me in more ways than you could imagine.

    I completely identify with the deep rooted issues associated with alcoholism. I have many alcoholics in my family and have always wondered how I escaped being one myself. Trust me - it's not like I haven't had periods that I have abused alcohol.

    The thing that I really identified with the most was looking the other way when little doubts would arise simply because I didn't have time to address them.

    Once I did, just like you, my doubts became beliefs immediately. No way is this God's organization.

    I feel like this board has saved me because of people like you.

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing with us. Your heart is made of gold.

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