Hi readers and lurkers,
I decided it was time to register to the site. After all these years, it was just a matter of time. I'm a born-in 27 yr old guy and have been fading for some months. It's been almost 7 years that I came in contact with TTAT and since a teenager I was known for being different and a bit of a rebel when it came to jw policies and doctrine. For example I didn't feel the need to sign a paper to promise I would do 50 or 30 hours of service if the vow was to God. Plus I could make those hours without the need of being a pioneer. I did go to college. I had no problem saying I go to nightclubs and would go out with girls without chaperones. But always with other Jws (I guess part-timers too, lol). Throwing parties, drinking alcohol, wearing a beard, etc. Among many other things that are commonly frowned upon. So in theory I have always been used to be looked at differently, but things were getting out of hand and some damage control was required.
The reason I was able to do all the jw-edgy stuff was because I was seen as very spiritual and active in the congregation (ever since I was a teenager). An exemplary brother, if you may. Yes, of course some people were a bit confused as to how this young spiritual brother would do these things and seemed to not care. And the elders seemed to no do anything. But I got away with it for many years. I was even some-what popular (for the wrong and right reasons) among the young in the area. Not that I'm proud of it now. But I honestly felt a bit hypocritical after a while. Jump to these past two years, and I became more public and open about my "questions" and discomfort with policies and rules, though I have had them for a very very long time. That didn't fly with some and I felt forced to make some changes.
After TTAT the internal battle I had caused me, and still does, depression and suicidal thoughts. I felt completely alone, and for the most part still do. I have less than a handful of people I still talk to but pretty much everybody else started to treat me as an apostate and rebel, but without the tittle. I felt the cold treatment and realized this would only end one way at the end. I know I had had some influence on others and they're going thru their struggle as well.
Anyways, that's a bit about me. I would like to meet other people. I have always been around jws and honestly have a hard time building a long lasting relationship with non-jws (I was always against using the "wordly" adjective). I'm from the Southwest Coast, USA. Hit me up. I'm pretty funny and outgoing, or so I've heard.
I seriously need some support and make new friends that offer true and unconditioned friendship. And if you're a girl, maybe something more. Haha.