oompa, you may really need to go to counselling, perhaps marriage counselling.
It's normal to think some of what you are thinking about moving on "WITH YOUR LIFE."
But it's not necessary to move on without your wife and kids.
If you are tired of pretending, then perhaps not pretending is best for you. Don't make
rash decisions, but consider not hiding your feelings. I am battling this, but I don't
hide too much of my fade from my wife. I do things NOT IN THE OPEN, but still, I do them.
I read apostate literature and don't go to meetings. I say things when I need to say them.
If I feel restrained, I can end the fade and just be open about it. You might need that.
If you discover through marriage counsel that your wife would rather have you
around than not, that will make you feel that moving on doesn't have to be alone.
I spent a considerable time in the early phase of fading, communicating to the wife that
I would hate to have her violate my trust in her, by her running to the elders to turn me in.
So far, it turns out that she values our marriage above spying for them. I will be cautious,
but will just trust her on that.
and yet that would still hurt so many family, and dissapoint friends
These are the things we must put on our own scale and see what balances.
I am going to try to keep up the fade and remember that it only takes one moment to
end the fade.
I hope my ramblings about my own decisions on that help you.
