by ThomasCovenant 30 Replies latest jw experiences
Over time, I have been able to let go of deceit because I no longer have interests to protect. I am more authentic and like myself and others more than ever. It is wonderfully honest to accept myself the way G-d made me and to accept others the same way.
Be patient with yourself. You will find yourself able to let go of the deceit gradually as you find who you really are.
Regards,
SandraC
You're fading, go ahead and fade without having to explain yourself to others.
Out of the mouths of babes...
That will work, too.
We found that the wtbs deceived us so how is fading form it deceiptful. We just need to mindful of family still in, out of love and kindness and hoping as a bonus they follow too!
regards llbh
I don't see fading as being deceitful. If you left any other church, job, organization, etc, all you have to do is leave. Maybe you would hand in a letter of resignation at your job. You usually make the reason for leaving acceptable to those who might hire you in the future. You don't say you hate your supervisor or the company is horrible. That is private information. You might say you are leaving for health, family or personal reasons. the rest is just plain none of their business.
You also have many personal opinions about most people. Are you obliged to tell them you think they are less than intelligent, ugly, boring, fat, hypocritical and on and on? No, that is just your private thoughts or opinions and would make them feel pretty lousy. We all hold back personal thoughts and opinions daily. Is this dishonest or just respecting the dignity and feelings of others?
The real problem starts with the fact that you are dealing with a cult. If this was not so, leaving would be a non-issue. We all join and leave various groups during our lives. Because you are dealing with a cult, you have to keep more thoughts and opinions private, as they mean to do you and your family harm by breaking up your family relationships. This is how a cult operates and your family is still operating under their control. So you hold back personal thoughts and opinions to spare their feelings and to minimize damage from the cult.
So, who is really being deceitful? The ones who want to destroy your family even though they know what they are teaching is dubious, at best? Or you, the who would love to have a totally honest and open discussion, but cannot without the cult's blackmailing consequences?
I am kind of tired of people following this cultish thinking and blaming those who won't play their games. My private thoughts/beliefs are mine alone unless I choose to share them with someone else. And that is at my discretion only. I refuse to hurt my family or others because some cult thinks they own the world, make that the universe.
I truly believe that each of us who have left need to decide what is best for ourselves. I have no problem with faders at all. The group that is to blame is the Governing Body, who basically enforce a policy that forces people to have to decide between 100% honesty and their families. This isn't moral ambiguity, this is dealing with and fighting policies that are designed to break up families. If you are close to your family and love them, why break that up if you can basically become inactive and still have your family in your life... That is a no brainer....
Having said that, (and acknowledging that I have little family that kept me in the borg), I can ask a couple of questions. These questions I might add are not made to sway someone per se. They are questions I asked myself as I pondered what to do and how to leave. Thus, I only offer them in a spirit of helpfulness, nothing more....
There are other questions, but these are some things I thought about. For me, I didn't have compelling reasons to fade, and I honestly didn't see a way I could.... The benefits of a clean break can be compelling and more straightforward, but I know that isn't the only consideration for many.... I wish everyone the best in contemplating how to do this....
I think that applies alot to those who were born into the borg because they honestly believe the propaganda about life outside the organization. So once they venture out they start to act in the manner that they were taught the outside world was like.
I agree with bluesbrother. I am no longer an active witness, but I'm still an honest person.
changeling
As a long term fader, I would say yes, fading can lead to "deceit" in other aspects of life.
The longer you are into your fade, the more you are leading a double life and the divide becomes greater over time.
For example, at work you may celebrate your birthday. But you don't tell your workmates that in your private life, you won't get a single gift or even a card. Your workmates give you a gift. You take it home - so what do you tell your JW family? That you bought it yourself?
In both areas of your life, you are not being truthful. You can't be free and open about your situation. This is a minor example, but lots of little incidents like this wear you down after a while.
Then you get the big issues like relationships, blood transfusion, voting.
Choosing life, I really appreciate your comments.
penny
I agree with blues brotherand changeling. Though I do make it clear to non dubs that am no longer a JW and have serious differences with them
regards llbh
It all depends on what you call fading. Just don't answer nosy questions and walk away or change the subject. You aren't obligated to explain yourself. I just stopped going to the meetings and going door to door. I avoided all phone calls and refused to invite in rude drop by visitors even to use the potty. The calls died off and the visits eventually stopped after a few months. I don't encourage WTS discussion when I run into jws, I control the topic of discussion or I suddenly find I have something pressing to do. No need to lie but no need to "explain."
The problem lies with trying to explain why..........I consider it pearls before swine.
Blondie (a fader who tells no lies)
