Fading and not "outing" yourself, what are your thoughts on it?
As much as you can. Never play to their rules. You want to [email protected]$%k them. Do it on your terms.
I do not consider myself an "ex" JW. I am simply me. I was a JW and now I am not, whether I announce it in the congregation or not. I agree, they have no hold. So I give them none. Fading was my route. I don't like joining parades for causes. I will expose the JW religion with my experience speaking for itself. My advice is don't worry about internet people. All you have to do is hit delete and they magically disappear.
There is a difference between being honest and being private. Fading doesn't make you dishonest. That's called being *ahem* discreet *ahem about a private matter. JWs have no personal boundaries since they've been trained out of them so they view being private as hiding something.
As for the person calling you names on FB, I would delete them off the page for inappropriate behavior If they did that to one of the other commenters on the page, isn't that what you would do? Certainly you deserve the same respect
The really weird thing is that the worst criticism I get is usually from ex-JWs. Not JWs.
Sadly, ex-JWs include some very messed up people who are thoroughly determined to hate anything and everything about the WTS and they are far too quick to include anyone that they see as not being as "anti" as they are.
They are like a toothless version of islamic terrorists who turn on their own for not supporting the cause vigorously enough.
The sad irony is that they are a godsend for the WTS and completely live up to the caricature of "apostates" that the society has painted.
Don't pay them any heed or worry about the criticism that they throw - I think they show themselves up for what they are as their bitterness usually shines through, only their fellow ex-JW-jihadists will value it.
I hereby claim invention of the term: ex-JiWadists
Someone identifying himself as an ex-JW commented on another person's review of my book and said more or less the same things about fading: "Most people find it very damaging to their very soul to hide who they really are." "Fading is essentially living a lie." "One cannot 'appear' to be one way for a long period without 'getting lost' in their own deceptions - unless one has no conscience and therefore is not bothered by any amount of lies or deceptions they do..."
Let me repeat my answer to him for your thread, since it seems to fit so well:
I wrote a book. I did not recommend that you personally fade. You are correct in many ways. But not always. I have managed to fade in a way that I am NOT lying to people I am just staying away from elders and not discussing religion with JW relatives. I'm doing what I want. All I have to do is things like don't smoke, don't vote, and keep celebrating holidays without putting up decorations. It's not a big deal. I'm already married so I'm not having sex outside of marriage. I don't smoke anyway. I don't have children to withhold holidays from. I am myself. Apparently, it won't work for you. I do recognize that your points are valid and should be considered by everybody. I don't paint such a broad rigid picture as you however.I also know others who are free to live their life as they choose but refrain from telling their JW relatives every last thing that they do so they are still themselves without losing themselves. thanks for your thoughts. the alternative for me would be to have no contact with those j_w relatives. So I wouldn't be myself in front of them anyway. I wouldn't be in front of them. That everybody's choices if they fade or not.the alternative for me would be to have no contact with those j_w relatives.
BROCK- You are an ex-Witness. I've always considered you an ex-Witness. I too am an ex-Witness. I just stopped attending over 11 years ago and my JW family knows I disagree with the WT Society. I agree with what Simon and what most everybody else is saying. It's nobody's business HOW you exit the JW organization. Don't let the bastards grind you down who criticize you. People will criticize us no matter what we do. The main thing is that you and those close to you are happy and sane now after exiting the difficult JW cult. And being happy and sane after being in that organization- is an accomplishment unto itself. I agree with you - for me - I didn't want to play by the WT rules and recognize any control they had over me, one reason I refused to get DFed or to disassociate. Just walked away on my own terms. I really admire you for writing your book. My wife and I enjoyed it immensely. It will help lots of people. Keep up the good work, Peace out, Mr. Flipper
Pretty much what others have said.
Brock, did you consider that when sometimes when someone reacts badly, the problem could be entirely their own?
Maybe his attack was driven by deep-seated fear, and he feels threatened by the possibility of realities he is not equipped to deal with.
Things are stressful enough. I repeat what was written earlier: do not play by their rules.
I have family shunning me already. They may some day reach out.
If I'm formally out ( DF/DA ) not likely to ever hear from them again.
Hi Brock Talon,
Every personal situation is different. And everyone should act according to this personal situation, that can change with the time passing. After fourty years as an active JW I have been fading hundred percent during three years and recently I took the decision to DA myself, because I was ready, prepared and willing to do it. I feel very comfortable now, and very proud of myself, I have no regret at all. In my DA letter I have quoted the articles 12 and 18 of the Human Declaration of Human Rights.
I repeat it : every personal situation is different, can also move in different directions, and it is up to everyone to act accordingly in due time.
In my case the Fading Albatross has become the Unfetterd Albatross. So nice now to fly over oceans of liberty, free of the inherent manipulation and hypocrisy. of a cult.
All the best and take care !!!