Fading and not "outing" yourself, what are your thoughts on it?

by Brock Talon 29 Replies latest jw experiences

  • snugglebunny

    Probably one of the best articles on how to fade:


  • DesirousOfChange

    Titles. Titles. Titles. Who gives a rat's @$$?

    I"m sure you could find it "in print" that if you're not doing D2D then you're not really a "witness" since you're not witnessing. So, I suppose just being an "inactive" publisher would be enough to qualify you as an ex-witness.

    There. Feel better.


  • Rufus T. Firefly
    Rufus T. Firefly
    Brock, you left on YOUR terms, not on THEIR terms. I did the same. They can't tag you as 'disfellowshipped' or 'disaasociated.' That makes it harder for them to figure you out or to dismiss you. It gets under their skin. I say good for you!
  • Phizzy

    It is our own business how we decide to leave, unless the method is forced upon as, as some have experienced.

    However we do it, we should all hold up our heads with pride for having done it. For some, like me, it was relatively easy, but it is always traumatic and painful to some degree.

    I would tell such a person who had a go at me about not being a proper ex-JW to Eff Orf, personally.

    I do not wish to have the label "Ex JW", that is almost dignifying the embarrassing truth about me that I used to be one.

    I am simply a normal member of society, what mistakes I made in the past do not matter, what I may have been has no relevance to my worth as a human being now.

  • Vidiot
    I recommend fading for the simple reason that - out of all the options out there - I suspect it's the one that annoys the GB the most.
  • millie210
    I recommend fading for the simple reason that - out of all the options out there - I suspect it's the one that annoys the GB the most.

    Wonderful! I love it when doing what I think is best annoys the GB. Its like a bonus point.

    Why does it annoy them the most exactly?

  • Vidiot

    millie210 - "Why does it annoy them the most exactly?"

    Because faders are dissenters, and authoritarian regimes live to crush dissent (i.e. disfellowship).

    They'd rather kick you out the front door than have you sneak out the back when they're not looking.

    If you just up and disappear, they can't make an example of you.

    If you're not technically DFed, you can't be officially shunned, so what's stopping others who know you from asking why you've been gone and potentially hearing the TATT?

    It amounts to a lack of control on their part, and - to me - feels like beating them at their own game, and what's more, I think they know it.


    All of this and more is why I've come to the conclusion that the leadership actively wants to downsize the R&F as it's doing with its paper publishing and real estate holdings...

    ...if they can't conduct a witch-hunt, they'll make it so intolerable that all but the uber-faithful will want to leave and spin it as prophetic fulfillment (whilst patting themselves on the back, telling themselves it was actually "all their idea").

  • Vidiot

    Incidentally, leaving only hardcore loyalists and full-on authoritarian leaders...

    ...a much leaner, meaner Watchtower.

  • millie210

    Thank you Vidiot. That makes a lot of sense. I read recently that is exactly what Rutherford did. He was ruthless and a great percentage left and he said "let em".

  • Brock Talon
    Brock Talon

    Checking back in after work and seeing some great comments on this fading issue.

    I really appreciate those of you that have backed up what I've always thought: It's my business. Other ex-JWs should keep their opinions to themselves about whether I should or should not fade. The more I think about it, it's pretty damn nervy of someone to EXPECT me to DA myself and then to chastise me over it with follow up name calling. That just tells me there's something more there as an underlying issue than just my fading or not. I still cannot guess what that person's real problem may be though. It's a puzzle.

    I posted about this same thing on my Facebook page and I got so much support from everyone that something interesting happened: that ugly diatribe of a review on Amazon.com was changed by the militant person who posted it! I think all the comments like the ones you have been saying must have gotten to her. She still crapped all over my book with a bad rating, but the words in the review were changed to be less crazy sounding and self convicting, all the while carving off about 95% of the rambling.


    Anywayz, I really like having this site as a sounding board for when I think I'm going a bit nuts over this book publishing activity of mine that is so closely connected to the ex-JW world. The ex-JW community as a whole is filled with pretty nice and quite decent folks, but the occasional bad-apple really spoils my party from time to time.

    But I've decided not to let it spoil my party permanently. There are other people in attendance that I need to see to, and they deserve my being at my best and not feeling sorry for myself.

    After all, it's my party and I'll NOT cry if I want to...


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