what about NOT making new friends...life as a hermit for most part

oompa

I actually saved a classified ad from an east coast paper that needed experienced crew on a 48' sailing yacht. I was at this town for my 10th wedding anniversary and staying at a nice B&B. This was back in April. I used to love to sail, and have done so for over 30 years, taken courses, and can captain/charter boats up to 50 ft. This older couple just needed a good hand and someone to cook (which I love to do). The trip was four months in the Bahamas and four up the mainland and they even paid $200 a week plus all provisions. My wife found the ad in my laptop case. I told her the truth, I know I love her, but just want to go away so bad and I cried cause that was our anniversary and I still felt that way. So often I have just wished I was dead, and her and the kids would have plenty of insurance money. But of course that too would be hard on them so sometimes I just want to go away for a long long time. That too would be hard on them. I don't see me replacing all my friends and family very well. Too much good history, and I mean fun stuff, not meeting stuff.

Has anyone here just decided to be ok with giving up on wanting/needing/making new friends to replace ones that now seem alien to us? I am kind of liking the quiet and may be content like this. Since I don't argure anymore with Wife and son about the lies we have all been fed, it is real quiet at home too. I really don't feel I know my wife and son anymore and they sure as hell don't know me and don't want to take the time to do so. I have always been a funny and happy guy, now, not so much.

maybe we dont all grow with new friends...maybe we can just be alone and find a measure of peace...oompa

JK666

oompa,

I think you are going through a phase of recovery. Just getting out of the grips of the cult is an arduous task. You are tired, and experiencing fear of the unknown.

Eventually, you will move on from how you are feeling now. Heck, you are meeting new friends on this board! We are not the evil bastards that the organization portrays us as. And there are a lot of good people out in the "World."

Mingle when you are ready, and chill until you are.

Hang in there!

JK

tula

Gaugin lived like that. But he made a lot of new friends and loved to paint the island girls.

By 1884 Gauguin had moved with his family to Copenhagen, where he pursued a business career as a stockbroker. Driven to paint full-time, he returned to Paris in 1885, leaving his family in Denmark. Without adequate subsistence, his wife (Mette Sophie Gadd) and their five children returned to her family. Gauguin outlived two of his children.

And this guy...walter Anderson...he lived like that. Once he tied himself to a tree because he wanted to experience a hurricane. He survived it. He left business and children behind because they did not want to move with him. He is very famous now.

I heard about this man about a decade ago when I was working on a book about shrimping. One day I was packing my suitcase, getting ready to go to Mississippi to catch opening day of the fishing season. All the shrimpers in Panacea were heading west, to be in Pascagoula when the bay opened so they could partake of the rich harvest of brown shrimp. The television was mindlessly on in the background, but I paid it no attention.

Then a film called "The Islander" came on, about an artist recluse named Walter Anderson who had lived in Ocean Springs, Mississippi and created thousands upon thousands of water colors and pen-and-ink drawings of every imaginable creature that swam the water, flew the skies and crawled upon the land. Packing forgotten, I watched with fascination the story of his life. Professionally trained in New York, Philadelphia and Paris, he nevertheless spent most of his adult life in Ocean Springs. He frequently rowed fourteen miles out to Horn Island, one of the narrow barrier islands within sight of his home on the Gulf coast, to live as a hermit and paint.

I say take the boat trip oompa. You know you will love it. You need a vacation. See how things are when you come back. What fun. Stopping at little marinas and maybe find fresh shrimp or flounder when the fishing boats come in.

Watching the phosphoresence in the water at night. Cool breezes. No schedule. Just you....and God. And maybe without all the noise of the city he will be able to hear you for once.

JK666

Gaugin caught the clap and died. Be careful!

JK

bikerchic

Has anyone here just decided to be ok with giving up on wanting/needing/making new friends to replace ones that now seem alien to us? I am kind of liking the quiet and may be content like this.

Yeah I'm so there and have been for several years now. I have friends but I don't seek them out, maybe acquaintances is more the word and I'm just fine with that. I'm busy, love my life and do what I want unencumbered it's really nice. Hubby and I get along wonderfully and I keep in constant contact with my children, family is all I care to take time for. I feel very content.

I'm sorry you don't get along with your wife/son. I hope you find some joy and passion in your life and maybe if you plan another sailing excursion for a few months knowing you have your families blessings it will fill you up and you'll get back to being that same but better funny guy again.

JPT

I don't see much point to anything either. My wife is firmly in the Borg so very hard to move forward. I just try to find some joy in life. I really wish I had some purpose or even passionate about my job or hobby or anything.

It's like a journey to nowhere.

That's all I've got for now.

wednesday

oompa

i have had feelings like that, and my husband has too.

is there something fun or adventurous you could do near your home? Getting myself involved in some form of activism is helping me. If you are bored with our job, maybe you could go back to school and change careers a lot of people do near middle age, or even into retirement age. Time really does go by fast. our lives are over so quickly.

startingover

I can relate! I've discovered since leaving JW life that I am very comfortable as a loner. That's who I am. Nothing I like better than getting on my motorcycle and just riding. No destination is necessary, and no company is needed. I have friends that invite me to go riding with them, but I have no desire to do that.

My wife, on the other hand, is a social butterfly, and that's genuinely who she is, so it's fine with me that she has all her JW friends.

Sounds like you have responsibilities, I don't think taking off on a boat would be the thing to do, Nice fantasy though.

V1710

i prefer my own company to that of others. our business requires that i interact with the public but i've not made nor care to make too many close friends. i think in part because so many boundaries were crossed with JW's, i need to keep well defined of who i am and who i'm not. being by yourself gives you time to figure out who you are and what kind of relationship, if any you want with God.

try to enjoy nature as it can replenish your energy and give you new insights. it sounds is if you and your family might be parting ways and that's ok, albeit sad. keep in touch with folks here and if your feeling like your experiencing some depression talk to a profressional. Take Care.

Vernon Williams

O,

Of all the stabs in the back generated by the WT this is one of the final two (the other being a distrust of "religion.") The lack of association generated as a residual effect of WT association creates this "alone" situation that is negative and depressing.

I, continually, encourage ex JWs to reach out in the community to "express" themselves in the myriads of ways that exist. Whether it is a group of amatuar astonomers or chess players, a biking club, a soup kitchen, reading programs, assistance to the elderly or poor....I mean the list is endless. As we associate with ones of like interest, relationships form and things improve.

As ex JWs, we just sit in our own tears. The WT leadership knows this situation exists. If for no other reason than to "flip them off," go out and form friendships, have a good time, and just have fun. It is the ultimate insult to this group of emotional degenerates that one can engage in. Enjoying LIFE is the threat the Org fears the most. Happy ex JWs are the biggest threat.

If we are sad or not progressing in personal growth or happiness, then, the GB is right: Life is not worth living without them.

(Rare use of bad language ahead....)

SCREW THEM!!!

Go out and find the happiness that is there to be had....both for yourself and those that chose to inter-relate with you.

Reach out. Reach up. Go for it....

My two cents,

V

what about NOT making new friends...life as a hermit for most part

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