by The-Borg 21 Replies latest jw friends
THANK YOU FOR YOUR POST MORPH
I am trying to fade and have been getting some comments re my lack of meetings and asked if I am alright. It makes me feel very uncomfortable having to make up excuses. You are right because I don't have to give them reasons! I will adopt a new strategy from now on!
Maddie
I've learned to surround myself with people who make me feel good or positive and to surround myself with someone who makes me feel otherwise is just futile. As a JW, we had to "include everyone" and to be quite honest, I didn't like everyone and a few people pissed me off. Yet, to avoid stumbling anyone, I invited them to gatherings, went out in service with them, and always ended up frustrated and in a bad mood. Now, all my social obligations are because I want to be with people and when I'm invited out now, I know it's because they want to be with me as well and not because they too are just trying to be nice or avoid offending others.
I've also learned to embrace differences. I used to judge people a lot. Especially those who had dreams, passions, ideas, etc. I wondered when they would get out of La La land and realize the end was near. *barf* I even thought my sister was a freak. Now that I'm out, I realize my sister and others are just amazing people who actually make a difference in this world by pursuing their dreams. What if everyone stopped doing that? So I embrace change and interchanges of ideas and opinions. I find it to be so enlightening and therapuetic.
I've also learned that I don't have to tailor my life to anyone. No more explaining why *I* thought XYZ movie was OK to watch or why I didn't go to the meeting and so on. I don't owe anybody any answers and the answers I choose to give are going to be based on MY thoughts and ideas and not be watered down to avoid offending anyone or getting caught.
The fact that they just show up at your door doing their "field work" sort of conditions you for what's to come.
They think its OK to just impose upon you at any time and that you are supposed to drop what you are doing and attend to them.
After you are in, you are already conditioned to their "impromptu" visits.
I have always thought this is rude!
I was brought up that you "call before you come".
This dropping in any time is, to me, an aspect of inconsideration, arrogance and manipulation. They are more important than any plans you have.
This should be a red flag from the very beginning.
Anyone so easily manipulated is a good candidate for a study. Maybe that's how they peg them.
I love to say "It's none of your business" to my parents (they're the only jws I talk to right now). They can't stand it nor do they understand why I just won't tell them certain things.
What boundaries have you discovered or set since leaving or did you always have them
I have learned that it is OK to let go of relationships that are not healthy. As a "witness" I felt like everyone was my brother/sister and I had to tolerate them no matter what - even the ones that hurt me. I had to leave it up to Jehovah, pray, and try to do what I could to make things better.
Now I know that I don't have to allow these people in my life. Since this realization I cut ties with a very toxic friend who was always bringing me down, as well as both of my brothers (JWs) because they do not respect me. I don't feel guilty about it. Instead, I feel renewed, strong, and proud that I am setting a good example for my children - that it is OK to set healthy boundaries.
I'm much happier now - and I surround myself with healthy relationships.
One of my favorite tactics to use with someone who just keeps prodding me for personal information that I do not wish to share is to ask them, point blank: "So when was the last time <wife's name> gave you a blow job?" or for a female: "When was the last time you gave <husband's name> a blow job?"
Usually after the shock dissipates, they'll retort indignantly: THAT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!
To which I reply, "Good, so you do understand the concept after all. Can you please stop prying into my personal business now?"
I have gotten myself to a point where I will NEVER, EVER get myself mixed up in ANY organized religion again. And from now on, I will do what I feel is right, i.e. to listen to my own inner feelings and not listen to others. I have stopped taking the scripture literally, the one that tells us to consider others superior to ourselves. *forgotwhereitsat* I now know I am just as worthy, smart and capable as anyone else.
LINDA
LMAO @ Scully
One of my favorite tactics to use with someone who just keeps prodding me for personal information that I do not wish to share is to ask them, point blank: "So when was the last time <wife's name> gave you a blow job?" or for a female: "When was the last time you gave <husband's name> a blow job?"
Usually after the shock dissipates, they'll retort indignantly: THAT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!
To which I reply, "Good, so you do understand the concept after all. Can you please stop prying into my personal business now?"
That's telling 'em !!
It is so much fun to speak our minds now isn't it? No more predeterminations if it's ok or not. Now we can actually put the idiots in their place. *Hooray!* Now we don't have to hear, "BUT YOU'LL BRING REPROACH UPON JEHOVAH!" Yeah right and even if i were to, He'll forgive me. I no longer need to have my actions criticized, placed under a microscope and scrutinized.
LINDA
I started setting boundries while I was still a JW, and that's what caused most of the conflicts I had with elders. They really don't get it.
W
