Faders-do you still enjoy old JW friends? Nothing in common?

by oompa 16 Replies latest jw friends

  • pratt1

    Oompa, there was a time I felt just like you. I missed my old friendships and I was very alone.

    Honestly, you are better off. Eventually you would say something or a personal matter shared with your old friends would become fuel for a JC committee.

    This could mean your being DFed before you felt ready.

    My advice, don't considered them your confidantes any longer, keep your emotional distance. If you do associate with them at all let them drive it, and if it becomes too stressful, just fade away.

    I would also reach out to faders you were friendly with before they faded. You be surprised, they might be prove to be a great source of encouragement to you or they may feel the same as you and prove to be a good friend.

    After all you guys will have fading as something in common. That's a start.

    Maybe join a gym, or engage in some community service. It's a great way to meet new people and at the same time, you are doing something good for yourself.

    Good luck, it gets better with time.

  • GoingGoingGone

    As a JW, I had really good friends. The kind you could sit around and talk about anything with, who dropped by all the time and called for no particular reason. When I started to fade, I did have health issues and used them as an excuse for my staying away from meetings. My friends came by and offered to clean my house, or do anything they could to help. Then, as they realized it wasn't the health problems that were really keeping me away, the visits became more along the lines of 'what can I do to help you get back to meetings?'

    Now, they pretty much ignore me. My friends were from several congregations in this area, some of them foreign language ones, and for a long time it seemed that the ones outside my home cong. weren't aware of my fade. Well, I've noticed a change lately so I think the rumor mill has done it's job.

    I went to lunch with one of my best (former) friends not too long ago, and she asked if I thought I'd ever come back to the KH... she was crying, said she never found anyone she connected with like she connected with me, I was the best friend she'd ever had and she missed me terribly. I reminded her that I was still here, living right down the street, and I'd love to get together with her more often. She agreed, but I haven't heard from her since.

    If I were to invite someone over, I still think they'd come, and I still think we'd have a good time. But knowing what they really think of me keeps me from doing it. I went through a period of time where I grieved over my lost friends, I think that I still am grieving in a way, I'm at the "anger" stage. I'm mad that they profess to care and that I have shared so much of my life with them and that they now can ignore me. I'm not sure what comes next in my grieving process, but I hope it's simply peace.


  • darth frosty
    darth frosty

    While most of my dub associates (cant call them friends) know that I don't go to the hall, hanging with them has become too much of a chore on my part. They always feel a need to, at least once, mention some old/new point brought up at the meetings, or make a big deal about some field service arrangement.

    Than I can't take the reference's to how bad this world is. Just last week one of these associates, was talking about the church's settling the pedophilia case. I told him he may not want to cast them in too bad of a light considering recent dub court events. Sadly that statement went over his head and he didn't ask what I meant.

    Dub's are stuck in their BORG controlled world. Till something happens where they are ready to accept the truth about the troof, I find it best to let them be.

  • oompa

    Thanks all for your sincere replys and insight. It is depressing that "friends" you have had for 30 years, that you grew up with, now seem so distant. I have a bad feeling these friends that you have shared so many experiences with are somewhat irreplaceable.

    not the best part of freedom....oompa

  • greendawn

    When I was fading long time ago all they would do was to try to persuade me to become active again which meant becoming once more the servant of a man made organisation. They never really cared about me as a person so they had no success.

  • Save My Soul
    Save My Soul
    Thanks all for your sincere replys and insight. It is depressing that "friends" you have had for 30 years, that you grew up with, now seem so distant. I have a bad feeling these friends that you have shared so many experiences with are somewhat irreplaceable.

    These people were never your friends. Friendship is NOT conditional. Knocking on doors and talking to strangers is the condition of the friendship. I have worldly people that love me regardless of what I do, the JWs are all conditional.

  • sass_my_frass

    I used to be very busy with JW friends, but losing their company took a lot of time. My doubts and depression got in the way of having any real friendships and I found after a while that since I wasn't positive and upbuilding re the organisation I wasn't welcome with many people. I lost interest in them long before the disfellowshipping because of that. I started taking up new interests and got involved with some volunteer agencies and met many people who made me feel good about life. The old JW friends resented that and pulled further away. My JW flatmates barely even acknowledged me.

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