Faders-do you still enjoy old JW friends? Nothing in common?

by oompa 16 Replies latest jw friends

  • oompa

    As a pretty new fader with no friendships other than JW's, I spend virtually all time alone, or with my JW wife. I have little in common now with her or old friends. At least the old friends and I liked biking (both kinds), golf, hiking, the beach, camping, tennis, boating, fishing, football (tv). But now I don't seem to do ANY of this with old friends. I rarely call them and vice versa. It makes me sad that now that this major "belief" thing is out of my head, there is like this unspoken barrier between us. Some know of my doubts and complaints against WT, but some don't but word is out I don't do meetings or service anymore. I feel a great loss, and don't think it will come back.

    what about life with/without your old friends?......oompa

    ps--yeah, my wife and son are at meeing tonight

  • Bumble Bee
    Bumble Bee

    I've moved on a long time ago from any JW friends. It's the family now that I have nothing in common with it seems.

    You said -

    there is like this unspoken barrier between us.

    That's how it is with certain family members. They know my stand, and have made it very clear they don't want to discuss it, but without the religion, which has been our whole lives for several generations, there seems to be not much left.



    In time it gets better. You become more like the others out there. You no longer preach to them, but rather talk about anything and eventually, you'll fit right in. I've been out since 1999 and I wish I had done it a lot sooner. But I now feel totally free of them and literally closer to God now than I ever have. As a JW, I NEVER spent 50 whole min. every single morning praying to God. I pray to him every morning on my way to work. Life out there is sooooooooooooooooo much better. I feel sad that the JW's are missing out on so much. I do have to commend them for their faith in sticking with the Org. but.....it's a faith in an org. and NOT a real faith in God. I can speak from experience.



    I figure the whole purpose of "shunning" is to force or squeeze you back into the jw mould. Just what the dubs accuse the world of doing.

    I'll take my chances with the world, thank you very much.


  • tula

    Better to have the barrier than to have someone following you around all day reading the daily text out loud.

    voice of experience....Tula

  • wha happened?
    wha happened?

    I still have a few friends that are active JW's, also a few faders I met along the way. Sometimes the conversation with the active ones gets a bit uncomfortable. For example this morning, I was chatting with this bro and he brought up the subject of downsizing his lifestyle. Now he and his wife and child live in a small 2 bedroom house that they rent. They each have a car, his doubles as his work vehicle. Other than that I would say they are fairly strapped for cash. I asked how and what he could downsize. He mentioned doing less entertainment and working less so they could pioneer. After all, (he stated), no one has ever heard on a CO or pioneer starving. I went blank for a sec and then told him to set up a retirement. He said he felt uncomfortable with that because it may not show faith in Jehovah. These type of conversations get uncomfortable and awkward when they are brought up.

  • Save My Soul
    Save My Soul

    I have co-workers that are friends, but we have different religions. It is OK. Never forsake your wife or family, just because of a disagreement. She is a witness and I support her, I just do not participate. She accepts this. I still have moral, don't curse or become an evil person.

  • oompa

    Need more info. What about real time with JW'syou used to do stuff with like camping, or go to the beach for a week with, or a cruise? Is this even possible? Would they even go-----could I even take it? My wife and son are still in remember.


  • wha happened?
    wha happened?

    For all except a couple or two, "real" time together is all but gone. As for the trips to the beach and all those other gatherings, I wasn't much of a participant unless my ex wife wanted to go. I thought most of the JW's were dorks when they interacted with those outside the organization.

  • OnTheWayOut

    I have one extremely tight friend who is JW. We hardly ever speak now.
    I have had some JW's try to reach out as friends. But spending time with
    them, it seems they are trying to reactivate me through friendship. I hate that.

    When I was going to write a book about fading, I was going to have a large
    section devoted to friendship. Faders should expect to lose all their JW friends.
    Sometimes it doesn't happen, but usually it does. Friendship is not a good
    enough reason to even fade- family seems to be the only valid reason.

    If you make friends at the raquetball court, you have raquetball in common.
    If you make friends of your neighbors, you have neighborhood issues in common.
    If you don't have much in common with a worldly person, but make friends, then
    you find commonalities somewhere, somehow- perhaps sports at the bar or just the beer,
    perhaps good food or entertainment- something.
    JW's who are friends have JW issues in common. Even if you bike or play sports
    together, that is not the main commonality. Take away the JW issues, and they try to
    put them back. If you don't listen, often the friendship is busted.

    The only exception is friendship with "weak" JW's. They don't care about the JW issues.
    That is because they are almost normal people. If believing family needs believing friends,
    let them be alone with those friends or else seek out weak JW's.

    For me, personally- I have developed friends at work and may develop friends closer with
    JWD people.

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