Going to other churches, religion after being a Dub???

by bluesbreaker59 12 Replies latest jw friends

  • bluesbreaker59
    bluesbreaker59

    So, ever since I was a little kid, I always wondered about other faiths. Because I was born and raised a Dub, only went inside of two other churches in my life for weddings. As many of you know, I was just DF'd at the beginning of this year. Its been a great relief for me to not have to go anywhere on Tues. and Thurs. evenings, and its nice to just sleep on Sundays.

    Here are my problems with joining another church:

    1. I play in a band on weekends, and roll in at like 2 am or later usually

    2. Its now NFL season, and I love my football, something about being able to lay around and watch the early pre-game shows, all the way through to night time post game is GREAT!!!! And its a good excuse to smoke meat too. This last Sunday I smoked a Boston Butt for 9 hours, it is DELICIOUS!!!

    3. All religions have been "tweaked" by men, and most of them all seem to have some darkness in their past, sometimes in the present.

    4. I have no verifiable evidence that God, Satan, Heaven, Hell, Angels or Demons are real. To me, religion seems to be a way to control mankind, and make them believe in something greater than themselves, and IMHO, a way for people to make a lot of money tax free. Then there are the church goers that annoy me, the constant "do-gooders", the bible thumpers, the protestors to various things from Abortion clinics to metal concerts, etc.

    I've met some one nice pastor a few years back, and he's never asked me anything, or asked me to come to services. He's always just been a very nice, NORMAL man. He smokes cigars, drinks whiskey, shoots pool, and is a wonderful singer and bass player. He's always been very kind, and always lends a listening ear. I finally got up the gull to ask him what time services are, and he said they are at 8:30, 9:30 and 11:00, and its a Methodist church.

    I'd like to try a few, and see what its about, but I just don't know what to do, its very hard. At this particular church I know 3 people, the pastor, a buddy that plays guitar in the worship band, and a former JW.

    Am I just not meant for religion??? What is holding me back from trying one of these?? I certainly don't subscribe to the JW faith anymore, or their opinions.

  • bbdodger
    bbdodger

    Hey fellow Iowan.

    Methodist, huh? That's the sect of the protestant religions that interests me the most. I have heard some radio sermons, and I love their approach to God and the Bible. For example, the Methodists don't just say "do this, never mind why"... they said "this is why we do this, let's find out why". The love to use the Bible to explain the reason why Christians believe the things they believe, and there is a lot of room for questioning, reflection, and disagreement. It might just a setting that you'd be comfortable in.

    I've gone to several churches over the years, and none of them have stuck. If you stumble upon a "seeker" Church (blech), be prepared for a deluge of people to fawn over you and try to make you feel welcome. If you're like me, and can see through that, you'll just find it annoying. They'll want you to go to coffee, join a bible study, sit with them, and there were even times that they wanted to "lay hands upon" me, and pray for me. Ouch. Seeker churches usually have a huge "rock" band, and signs that say "come as you are" and "jeans are fine, bring the kids" etc. That's annoying. I think that a person should look fairly nice in a house of God, put a little effort into it. Some of the seeker churches in my area have coffee shops, gift shops, gyms, book stores, and they're huge buildings worth millions. They have lots of members, and it's all very loud and chaotic.
    I must admit, the sermons are hit or miss. I've found that if the band is good, the talker isn't, and vice-versa. However, what really turns me off from seeker churches are the overly anxious do-gooders, who seem to have a heart attack when someone they haven't seen before walks in. It's a little too overwhelming.
    If you come to a seeker church with a tattoo, or piercing, or any other fringe society marker, you become the hero of the morning. People constantly come up to you to tell you you're "cool", which is the most annoying thing of all!
    Then, of course the bands tries to get everyone up, and there is a big projector that puts the words of the song on a screen in front of the congregation. Some of the songs are (I kid you not) popular pop songs, with lyrics changed to fit a Christian theme!!!
    People are raising their hands toward the sky, eyes closed, swaying back and forth. I have never had the desire, nor have I gotten the spirit in me enough to do this. I'm use to praying with my head bowed. It's all very strange, and sometimes seems a little put on (to me). I feel very uncomfortable worshiping in this environment.

    Then, there are the regular, traditional churches... which I find to be more bible based (they give you time to look up a verse), and more fulfilling because the tone is a lot more serious, and less about getting people in the door. The problem though is that sometimes no one at all will talk to you. I actually like that, as I want to introduce myself, and get my self acclimated at my own pace. I like the tone of these kind of Church services more, they're a bit more like Kingdom Hall, but the preacher is actually taking the information from the actual Bible. What a concept.
    My friend goes to a traditional Presbyterian church, and there are only 25 members. It's really small and low key. He's very self-righteous though, and thinks that if he doesn't read his bible and pray several times a day, he's letting God down. He's the kind of guy who contemplates dropping out of college so he can devote more time to prayer. I tell him he's being silly, and God knows his heart. He can quote bible verses to contradict every idea I have to try to make him feel better about it. He'd fit in perfectly in a KH (but he'd kill me if I said that to him :P).
    I also like singing the old Hymns... they are much sweeter than the rock songs at the seeker churches. I just don't think rock 'n' roll and church are a very compatible match.

    I haven't decided to make Church a regular thing, and I don't know why that is. My husband isn't really interested in it, even though we get into good discussions about God. He hasn't made the decision to be a Christian, but once in the bombastic atmosphere of a seeker church, he approached the podium to dedicate himself to Christ. It's a hypnotising thing, these seeker churches, but they're not for everyone. Neither are traditional churches. Sometimes Church isn't a choice at all. That's kind of where I'm at... I don't really feel that strongly about either. I'd like to go to the Methodist service though... but something is keeping me from going. I have a lot of social anxiety, and I don't want to be noticed. But I really want to go!

    That's my two cents.

  • reneeisorym
    reneeisorym

    I can't tell you what your hang-ups are. I can tell you what my experience has been and how I feel about it.

    I also agree that I like to be able to sleep in on Sunday. I enjoy not feeling obligated to go to three meetings a week. I love the freedom of being able to go when I WANT to -- I never mattered if I wanted to go or not when I was a JW. So now I go to a big church because they have a lot of different options when I can go. I usually go Tuesday and Wednesday. Tuesday we have a worship service (a.k.a. lots of songs and a sermon). It is a very casual layed back blue jean wearing/relaxed night. Wednesday I go to two Bible studies. One is 5:00-7:00 and it is deep and intensive (currently studying the book of Amos). The onther one I actually teach and it is 7:30 to 8:30. The one I teach is a lighter one about "The Quest for Contentment".

    The key to all of this is that I do what I want to. I don't like getting up early on Sunday so I don't. I need a day of true rest. And if sometimes I feel like going on Sunday, that is ok too.

    I know what you mean about the church goers that annoy you. I feel the same way. I like people who are REAL .. and also honest about their problems. There is a church out there that doesn't have that feel. I call them "evangelical nuts".

    To me, religion seems to be a way to control mankind, and make them believe in something greater than themselves, and IMHO, a way for people to make a lot of money tax free.

    I have definately felt this way in the past. I felt that way for a while when I was out partying all of the time and being promiscuous. Eventually I learned that living that way was really not making me happy. So I made a decision to live like a Christian and I found myself really incredibly happy. I am content and satisfied. The difference between this and being a JW is because I am not held to it by some elders/meany god/WT. I have chosen this way of life because it really is the best there is. And also, you will find that you can actually see what the money goes for at churches. At the KH, you always saw it go off to some far away organization.

    What is holding you back from churches has a lot to do with the damage the WT has caused. I sincerely hope that you can undo all the damage they have done in a short time. :)

    Renee

  • bbdodger
    bbdodger

    oh... and another great thing about being an ex-JW in church is that you can look up all the bible verses so easily! Everyone sitting around you will notice your fingers nimbly flipping to each chapter and verse with the greatest of ease. If they see that you're already familiar with the bible, the chance of them trying to save your poor soul lessens.

    I find I get kind of an ego trip by being able to flip around a bible, where a lot of people around me struggle to remember where things are in the bible. I also have amazed my husband by turning to the bible verse that I predict will be the next one the Pastor will mention in the sermon, and then being right when he invites the Cong. to flip to that exact verse!

    So... thank you Kingdom Hall!

  • Bumble Bee
    Bumble Bee
    Am I just not meant for religion???

    That's me! I tried several different churches after I left and have no desire whatsoever to ever attend one again!

    BB

  • sweetstuff
    sweetstuff
    Am I just not meant for religion???

    That's me! I tried several different churches after I left and have no desire whatsoever to ever attend one again!

    BB

    Ditto that! I learned that my personal spirituality and religion have nothing to do with one another and for me, religion sucks the spirituality right out of my soul. And yes, I also tried checking out churches.

  • JeffT
    JeffT

    A lot of churches have services on a weeknight to accomodate people who can't get there on the weekend. Or just don't go during football season. They won't disfellowship you. In most Christian churches going to service is something you should want to do, not something you HAVE to do.

  • bluesbreaker59
    bluesbreaker59

    Appreciate all the advice. I'm constantly getting asked to go to churches with my good friends, which I have a mix of religions to pick from: Baptist, Lutheran, Presbyterian, Catholic and my girlfriend is a "non-attending Christian" who goes to a small town church, sporadically. Then there is one that goes to a very contemporary church, and has the rock band. I agree in a "house of God", that you should wear nice clothing, IF YOU HAVE IT OR CAN AFFORD IT!!! Everyone should have the right to come and worship, if they desire, regardless of their attire. Personally, I don't think I could stand to do a suit and tie, but I'd probably go in business casual attire, khakis and a dress shirt, nice shoes.

    I think one of my issues would be dealing with Christmas, honestly, I don't see the harm in people celebrating it, BUT, I know from a historical research standpoint, it is false. I have dug into this one, and just can't wrap my mind around celebrating Jesus' birth on a day that really isn't it, ya know? I don't see the issue with folks giving gifts, being with family, etc., that's all great, but I don't like the "meaning" behind it. And besides where did Jesus say to give gifts to each other in honor of me? Well he didn't, but the Romans sure liked to get drunk, and give gifts and celebrate their pagan gods during the winter solstice. I know, I know, you're all thinking "Dub mentality", but I just can't bring myself to get over that, when their is damning historical evidence to the contrary.

    I love family time, having a nice meal and giving gifts is great, I just wished they wouldn't have to bring the two together, ya know?? I don't have a problem with any of the others, and have celebrated them all thus far, since leaving, and have done Thanksgiving for years with mom's side of the family, as well as drinking on New Years and the 4th of July. I always thought that Valentines, Thanksgiving, New Years and Mother's and Father's day were ridiculous that we couldn't celebrate. Christmas though, even my long DF'd mother (only a witness for 5 years, raised Baptist) and my stepdad (never a JW, he's an atheist) have a problem wanting to "celebrate the religious side"

  • Junction-Guy
    Junction-Guy

    I find that church provides me with a sense of community, it allows me to interact with various people. I enjoy going to church, but especially if the church is familiar to me.

    I myself prefer the small country baptist churches, they remind me so much of "home" in Kentucky. I tend to shy away from the large churches that have modern hymnals, powerpoint, modern bible translations.

    When I walk in a church and see the old red back hymnals, the KJV bible, a couple of guitar pickers, and kleenex boxes at the altar, then I know that Im home once again.

  • Mum
    Mum

    Having a pre-dub life with grandparents who were sincere Christians who actually lived their faith is a big help to me. You guys make me aware of this every day. Despite my rational nature, I think of my grandparents as being in heaven and cannot picture them any other way. It was the way they lived.

    I now prefer a liturgical church because I do feel renewed and ready to face life's challenges after the service. If I go to church, I usually go to the Episcopal Church, preferably high church. However, nothing offers me comfort like those gospel songs I used to hear in childhood.

    I still believe it is important for children to be taken to religious services. It is the only way they have a foundation to make a choice for themselves when they are older.

    Regards,

    SandraC

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