I guess so really, but she's one scary mommy!Sent him to school with a black eye she'd given him once. Tells people hes not a 'real man' and didn't visit her grandson who was sick in hospital, not even for her son's sake. Nice christian lady!!!!I think maybe he's still in awe of her and her husband who's a very forceful bullying type of elder, since i stood up to him i know he's nothing but poor hubby is just plain scared i guess. I just want them not hanging over our heads, they've even asked him if he wants to d'a but he changed the subject - wish he'd said yes!!!
Can i have some advice re fading hubby please?
by dobbie 13 Replies latest jw friends
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mouthy
go to Answerjw.com Lots on there to help you
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OnTheWayOut
There is no way he will see a counseller at this stage anyway. He hasn't been to meetings in a year. He has never had any friends in it. Alot of jws don't talk to him anyway, he won't talk to them either if i am there with him. The closest blood relatives in it are his mother (his step dad is not worth mentioning) his brother and his family. He is very soft hearted and doesn't like 'letting people down'. I just wish i could help him make that final step and make the break, but he is a procrastinator in everything.
This is my opinion, but I feel very strongly about this. He is stuck between admitting a mistake and
losing his mother's contact 100%, so he stays stuck. You want some resolution. You should seek
a marriage or personal counselor. You are sure he won't go, so tell him why YOU ARE GOING and
say that he is welcome to accompany you after a few sessions or join you from the start.You get some help about your former cult and how family and friends now shun you. Tell him what
you want that will help him about what you are learning.I have not gone to counseling. I am ready to do so in the future sometime, but I know that it will be
sooner if I need it for my marriage. If the wife turns me in for apostasy, we are going to marriage
counseling, or if she tries to come out of the religion, we will seek counseling together. I only hesitate
because I am a fader with an active wife, dealing with it on my own. If I cannot continue to deal with
my baggage, I will seek professional help. I also use non-JW family for support. I am thinking of
reaching out to some other family members who don't know the whole story, but would be supportive. -
flipper
DOBBIE- When I started fading, after 2 years my younger witness daughter 18 made the same statement as your husbands mom and stepdad, she said to me," Dad, why don't you just dissassociate yourself and i'd have more respect for you instead of fading and having the name of being a JW ?" She was trying to pressure me into that decision to appease herself and her way of viewing me. I feel your husbands parents are doing the same thing. It is called CONTROL. Don't let the mother or her aggressive elder husband force your husband to make a decision he does not want to make. Witnesses are good at controlling others and trying to put the squeeze on you to appease their own guilt. That way, they won't continue to feel bad towards themselves by how they treat your husband or you, if he commits to officially getting out.
I did not get out, just faded because of still having some witness relatives I want to occasionally see. Like my 80 year old parents.The other posters suggestions of counseling for you and your husband is great advice. But don't let his mother superior and big shot elder stepdad manuever you guys into a decision you might not want to make. It is YOUR decision, not theirs. Also, if your husband has not been attending meetings for a year, would he be open to reading such books as " Crisis of Concsiense" by Ray Franz ? It helped solidify in my mind the reasons I left the cult, and just confirmed within myself my beliefs that the witnesses are oh so wrong. But, just try having personal conversations with your husband to see where his mind is at. Keep talking. Communication is oh so important so you both get a feel for where you each are at. Was he supportive of you, in time after you left? Be supportive of him, and you will save your husband from these mind control life sucking leeches. So these are just some thoughts to kick around, the decision ultimately is yours and his alone. But having gone through some of this, I feel for you. Peace out, good luck, Mr. Flipper