My first week here ...thoughts

by emy the infidel 43 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  shopaholic

  Welcom AngelEyes.

  It can be overwhelming and very confusing when you're out or leaving. Like LeslieV said, the emotional blackmail can get to you and make you want to go back. I've realized that's all shunning is, emotional blackmail. I know its difficult because you lose all your friends. I'm a fader and I only have 1 friend left. For now I'm on good terms with my family as they have no idea about my fade and I've come to accept that its none of their business anyway. In regards to making friends, it takes time, especially with non-witnesses but its possible. Don't go back because of guilt or because it's expected of you. If you love Jehovah and really feel that it's his organization, then more power to you...preach on. In the words of Oprah, I'll paraphrase, once you turn 40 its time to cut the nonsense out of your life. But trust me, I know its not very easy to do because this org gets in your mind and plants a worm that's hard to get out!!!
• 

  bisous

  Angel and BigD, reading your posts brings up memories...having gone through similar feelings and questioning, hurts and guilt.
  
  Angel, you are lucky to have your husband to help you as you examine things more carefully. It is hard to wake up with the feeling you have no one, when your family and JW friends turn their back on you and you have no OTHER outside friends because you were taught not to. Many of us have been there. It will be hard to make friends at first ... us XJWs are somewhat socially stunted because of the guilt etc. It all will be a difficult process, but anything worth having ... including a new and better life ... is worth working for, eh?
  
  BigD ... what an undertaking to free oneself from the cult with the added challenge of 3 sons and a missing spouse. What a priceless gift you are giving your kids. One thing I found in leaving was how hard it was to trust others. I bet in your shoes that is very hard too. Concentrate on your family like you are and just relish your freedom. There are many potential partners out there who you will come across that have weird baggage too! trust me on that one ... just focus on healing and your kids, you'll do fine.
  
  I can't tell you how impressed I am with so many people I've come across on this and other boards. You are in good company. We've all been through so much. So many stories of strength and courage. Survivors are a very unique crowd.
  
  Emy, interesting thoughts. welcome to JWD. Sounds like you're well along the road of your journey.
• 

  sacrebleu

  I am fairly new too, but I've been out of the untruth for 21 years. I left because they were so hateful when I was too sick to go out in service. I have never wanted to go back.

  My sister got out before I did and then went back in after I got out. Made me sick. She had loaned me C of C and another book that really helped. Wish I could remember what It was.

  She asked me how I felt about her going back in and I told her that it reminded me of the Scripture in the Bible about the dog who returns to his vomit. Hope that isn't too graffic, but that's how mad I was and sickened.

  I can't imagine going back to fake friends, controlled life, lies about who God and Jesus really are and no free time.

  And yes, after a few years and some false starts, I am definitely a Christian and I believe in the Bible, just not THEIR Bible. It is full of changes and false facts.

  To all who are newly out, hang in there.

  sacrebleu
• 

  jgnat

  Hey, Big D. Thanks for the background. What a fun age to have boys around! I've got loco family members too, so I can relate. Your feelings are positively normal for someone exiting the Witnesses who hasn't processed the experience. The "process" I mean by not only figuring out what was WRONG with the society, but also what is RIGHT for you. You've got an implanted value system, but you haven't had the time to replace it with your own.

  You might want to start with the book, "Crisis of Conscience". That, I am told, is very much a purging experience.