Dilemma - What can I offer my wife if she leaves the witnesses?

by truthseeker 38 Replies latest jw friends

  • loosie

    you could lit some candles turn on some music. And offer her some..... shall we say oral pleasures (what did the society call it in the 80's porneia or loose conduct)

    And then tell she could have this every night if she leaves. Because then porneia will be ok if she is out of the truth.

  • truthseeker

    I hope your right SSPO. We hardly get any invites to JW gatherings. Most in the hall do not bother with us.

    Yet, we go to one gathering, and everything changes in a New York minute. Suddenly, these are her friends, the people she grew up with, yet she only sees them at the hall 99% of the time. They don't give her the time of day on a quality basis, just the occasional nod and hello at the hall. Nothing regular that's for sure.

  • penny2
    I don't want to leave her, I just want her to "wake up"

    Maybe she's not going to "wake up" and you'll just have to accept that.

    You know what really stinks? She has met up with non-witnesses online and then met them in person to hang out with

    Maybe you should be encouraging her to do that more often. She may realise on her own that there are plenty of non-witnesses who are moral people.

    You don't want to leave her so I'd suggest you make the family home as loving a place as possible. Try to strike a deal with her that there will be no arguing. It's bad for the kids. Also, get to know some of those non-witnesses that she's meeting online.


  • eclipse

    Ahh I see, did not know that.

    Carry on then being patient. Just stop letting her walk all over you.

    Tell her that you deserve respect as a human being just as she does.

    The more you let her get away with disrespecting you, the more she will disrespect you, and lose respect for you.

    Be calm, firm and kind when you tell her that she can tell you her feeling without disrespecting your rights to have your own view point.

    You are only an opposing husband if you STOP her from being in the truth, you are not doing that. You are only telling her why YOU do not want to be in it.

    You can also back down on that subject, unless she brings it up. Find some good ''worldly'' people that dont smoke, drink or swear.

    If she calls you a hypocrite, tell her that she should remove the rafter in her own eye before she tries to take the straw out of yours.

  • truthseeker


    Believe me I am trying. But, being a witness is a full time job with overtime. The subject comes up every week. Even if I go, she can feel that I don't want to go and then I'm a hypocrite for going.

    Now, she says just by the act of me not believing it's the truth, she feels she's lying for me by going to the hall and pretending what a loving, spiritual couple we are.

  • changeling

    You are at a crossroad my dear. You need to dig deep and analyze your true feelings.


  • truthseeker
    You are at a crossroad my dear. You need to dig deep and analyze your true feelings.

    Don't I know it. For a long time, it's been status quo, but she's not comfortable with just that - it's all or nothing.

    I've dug as deep as I could go and I have hit bedrock. I have no answers for this. I never imagined I could face anything like this.

    I go a lot on principles - I can't pretend that I don't know what I know now and happily get sucked into the 24 hour Watchtower hampster wheel of Kingdom activity.

    I know too much, which means on principle, I can't support the Watchtower Society.

  • Paralipomenon

    It sounds like she's verbally abusive of you. While you may not be able to get her to change her mind, you might be able to suggest that religion is a no-fly zone topic. Neither of you discuss it with each other.

    She has no more right to tell you to go to meetings than you do to tell her not to. If she's unwilling to compromise on it, I see you as only having two choices. Put up with the abuse, or leave.

  • return visitor
    return visitor
    I'm not sure what do to at this stage. What can I offer her that is better than what she has?

    The Truth

  • Apostate Kate2
    Apostate Kate2


    Bad news; She is going through a Organization condoning and inspired self righteous stage. Some never progress beyond it and remain self righteous dubs all their life.

    Good news; She doesn't seem to be following the pattern they usually do. She has allowed herself to become informed so she may also be in that anxiety prodicing state of cognitive dissonence we all know so much about. She is stepping out so to speak meeting "worldly" people.

    As a woman I could be swayed to adopt a new lifestyle if it were appealing enough to me to leave behind the current social structure. Do you have a Harley? Entice her with offers to start a ballroom dance class or somethnig you have ever heard her talk about maybe trying. Put your thinking cap on and note them down. We all leave a trail of jelly beans on our path through the dark woods.

    Good Luck,


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