Dilemma - What can I offer my wife if she leaves the witnesses?

by truthseeker 38 Replies latest jw friends

  • truthseeker

    This week, my wife called me an "opposing husband" - because I stopped believing that Jehovah chose the Watchtower Society as his sole channel on earth.

    My wife knows about the Society, it's flip-flop on doctrines, child sex abuse scandals, including the UN, but NONE OF THAT MATTERS.

    She doesn't read the litertaure, not even the bible.

    She's in the truth mainly because of the friendships she has and the possibility that Jehovah might still be in charge of the organization.

    I'm the one who gets the blame because I don't believe. She refuses to listen, to do research or anything else.

    If I back off and leave her alone, she gets nasty with me if I don't go to the meetings. She wants absolute control of the conversation when

    it comes to the Society - if she starts a conversation about them, and I say something she didn't like, I'm the one who has to back off and respect her.

    She doesn't believe she could ever find a gathering of worldly people who don't curse, swear and drink/smoke, so for that reason she doesn't want

    to leave the organization.

    I'm not sure what do to at this stage. What can I offer her that is better than what she has? If I leave her alone, she won't respect my beliefs.

    Any advice is appreciated.

  • purplesofa

    i will take a group of people that smoke drink and curse over

    a group that does not but will allow someone to die for not taking blood, close their eyes to the children that are being abused , and a group of people that just plain promote you to not think for yourself


  • exwitless

    That's a really sad situation. What can you offer her? What about what you've already offered her? Has she no loyalty to you as her husband? How sad. I'd say you shouldn't back down when it comes to those nasty conversations. You believe what you believe, and you shouldn't have to make apologies for it, just as she makes no apologies for believing what she does. Maybe you'll butt heads for awhile, but eventually she'll learn that she can't force you to let her 'win' all religious conversations.

  • truthseeker


    Point taken, but my wife doesn't care enough about these issues to leave. She doesn't see the UN, child abuse in her congregation, so what I'm saying to her might as well come from the National Enquirer.

  • truthseeker

    I can't replace her set of friends she already has. I simply can't do it. You have to want to make new friends and I can't make friends for another person, save for introductions.

    She thinks that all non-witnesses will smoke, swear and whatever.

  • truthseeker

    Her loyalty is stronger with the org than it is for me. It's always been that way. What I say has no credibility, even with black and white evidence.

    You know what really stinks? She has met up with non-witnesses online and then met them in person to hang out with, and she calls me the HYPOCRITE?

    I just don't get it - how can you cherry pick which JW belief you want and then tell your husband he's a hypocrite?

  • eclipse

    It sounds like you are making a list of reasons why you should leave her.

    Not picking on you, just making an observation.

    Does she have anything to offer you to stay with her?

    I think that question also deserves consideration.

    Personally, I would not stay with someone who disrespected me, because that is the opposite of love.

    You should ask yourself if this is the marriage you signed up for when you married her. If not, something has to change.

    Either how you view her, or how you view the marriage, or you can change yourself,

    or change how you interract with her, without compromising your principles and keeping your self-respect.

    If she is not willing to change, are you willing to make the big change and seperate? Have you considered that as an option, or no?

    Do you want to make it work? Or is the thought of leaving her more of a relief?

    Best of luck in figuring out what will make you happy. Because at the end of the day, that is the most important thing you can do.

  • sspo

    She doesn't believe she could ever find a gathering of worldly people who don't curse, swear and drink/smoke, so for that reason she doesn't want

    to leave the organization.

    This is the reason why a majority of the witnesses do not leave. It is a social club with many good friends.

    I found that most "worldly people" at work were very moral and the nicest people you could find. Not everyone is an adulterer or liar or a back stabber.

    I truly found the majority were much better than the witnesses, they are sincere in their friendship, as a matter of fact after my divorce

    with my wife, they were the ones that were truly concerned and went out of their way to see how i was doing.

    Hardly any witnesses ever called, witnesses i've known for decades showed no interest at all, they were too busy trying to get their 8 hrs in service and making meetings.

    Be patient with your wife, if she knows knows all about the watchtower eventually she will listen.

  • truthseeker


    I don't want to leave her, I just want her to "wake up"

  • truthseeker


    When we got married, we both believed it was the truth. However, I already had doubts at this stage, and began exploring them "all the more so" after we were married.

    We both know about Silent Lambs, saw the Dateline episodes. It's not like I was doing all the talking.

    So yes, the marriage was not what we signed up for, it has changed, I would like for it to work, but this situation makes it impossible.

Share this