Welcome....
I totally understand your pain. It's a shock of life to realize what we believed in is not what it "appeared to be".
Like someone else said: your age of 19 is totally going for you!!!
I was 46 and realized what you are going thru. It has been 4 years later and I feel the same way. Life can get better if we believe in ourselves and realize no matter how old we are that WE can have a GREAT LIFE!!!
My kids no longer talk to me.......empty life for me : yes. God it hurts. But I have many work friends that reflect a sincere kindness and like me for me.
Look at how people react to you...... YOUR life is just beginning. YOU can go to college (I had to give up my scholarships at 18 because I was a JW) You have the power to have an amazing life........go for it!!!
take care,
Codeblue