Undecided...not fair (page 2)

Cindi_67

feel that this may change though as her conscience continues to get pricked by what she reads and hears from the platform as they get more strict about inactive ones.

Middlechild:

What are they saying about inactive ones? What are they telling the congregation to do about us?

you won't be giving jw's a bad name by not following all their practices and just being inactive. you just let people know in your life that it's applicable to that you're no longer associated with them. you don't have to take official action for it to be understood by the "world".

I guess you are right about this. I really don't wish to take this step any time soon. I am not out to talk bad about them and the Org. I just want to feel comfortable with what I believe in, and certainly I won't find that comfort there. DON'T DO THIS, REACH FOR MORE, THAT IS INAPROPRIATE (when they don't want to directly tell you is wrong), BE CAREFUL WITH, ETC., is all you hear.

Thanks everyone for your input. Keep them coming though. I would like to know if someone is actually feeling the same way I do.

middlechild

all i can tell you is that my sisters both felt that they could no longer associate with me because a) i couldn't be spiritually upbuilding to them and b) they were afraid i would try to turn them away from the truth. one sister had just heard a talk in which the elder said to write down your top 5 friends and then analyze how they can build you up. she said she couldn't see how i could fit into that so she had to stop associating with me. my other sister had a "tragedy" in her extended family because one ex-jw started talking to his jw brother and "lead him astray". so walls started to be put up everywhere for fear she would be gotten to. i always tried to never give them any reason to have to stop talking to me. their "highly trained consciences" told them what to do.

sass_my_frass

I think that even in the cases of those who have been able to do the most successful and bloodless (no pun intended) 'fade', their mum knew what was going on. I've lost many thousands of acquaintances, dozens of people I considered close friends, four siblings and their children, and yet my parents and mum in particular is the most hurt. She was worried about me since I was very young, she says - I never really got into it. I was able to pretend to for a few years, and it was only to make her happy, and I think that worked, but now that I'm halfway through my life I'd like to spend the rest my way.

There are many things I have said and thought about mum; that I'm sorry for how much it hurts her, but that I now consider my own wellbeing more important to me than hers; that she has lived her life in the way she has chosen and this is where it got her; that she has four other kids who are also loyal JWs and she treats them like crap too anyway....

But the most important thing is: This Is My Life. I only get one go at it. I can't make it my mum's life. She had her time too. Now it's mine.

steve2

Yep, life can be totally unfair. JWs enact rules that suit them, and critcise other religions for applying the same rules...

OnTheWayOut

UNDECIDED:
You though my thread was about you?

I often read how someone is "on the way out."

If you want to mentally leave, I want to help you. In your example, the family was not "preaching"
but they were "distributing literature" or "recruiting." Someone doesn't study the "Bible" with JW's.
They study a Watchtower Publication along with some choice scriptures from their NWT.

They will say that your example is a poor one, because only former JW's have left the truth, and
others have just abandoned a form of false worship when they become a JW. Still, I love the logic
behind your thought about Baptists shunning the family member that leaves the religion.

Everyone must choose their own path. Inactive faders are limited in what they can do and say.
Many DA/DF ones would loose contact with loved ones. I think fading is harder, but I can always
abandon it later if something causes problems.

Great thoughts on your post. Thanks for sharing.

flipper

Cindi- i tend to agree with Changelings view because of having some of my witness relatives who will deal with me in my inactive state, but not dfed. If I was to be disfellowshipped it would hurt my 80 year old mother and 82 year old dad who have given their lives to the borg. They respect that I don't go to meetings and am inactive, but they still show caring and love. So I choose to stay faded but not dfed so I can still see them. They probably wouldn't see me if I was dfed. So it's a personal choice I make, and one that you too Cindi can only make for yourself also

Undecided...not fair