Free at Last, or am I (page 4)

Quandry

I am late in welcoming you to the forum. I did not see your first post. Anyway,

WELCOME

WELCOME to the forum!! I am sure you will find this place very theraputic, because it is a way to get your feelings out. And what better people to express yourself to, then others who have walked in simular shoes, and who understand the guilt and the strange hold even after all those years. Thank you for sharing your story. I am sure you will get a warm welcome here.

Sincerely,

Lady Liberty

prophecor

Free at last? Oh you won't believe how free you'll start become once you've been here for a while. The blinders come off. and you get to see not only the WTB&TS for what it is, but also for what it has been, only from our twisted minds.

Welcome to the fellowship, Princes Daisy Boo. I'm sure your stay here will be an enjoyable one.

Arthur

LostorFound

And yet, 12 years down the line, I am still trying to find a way to deal with this whole religious issue. I can't bring myself to attend any other church and I despair at what kind of religious beliefs I should be bringing my children up with! I can't admit to my parents that I have birthday parties for my kids and celebrate christmas with my husband's family, for fear that they stop talking to me. I have nothing in common and therefore no relationship with my sister because she cleans rooms in bethal and spends the rest of her time either in personal study or in the field. I can't explain why it is that my children's grandparents are not at their birthday parties and live in fear that one of my kids says something about father christmas or something to my mother and "busts" me! I read these websites and discussion forums and still hear a little voice in my head saying don't read these things - they are bad, the society wouldn't approve, and yet I am relieved to read them! A part of me worries that by writing this all down I am finally admitting once and for that I am no longer a member of the witness world. I have not attended a meeting in 12 years and yet I still feel disloyal! How screwed up am I? How much do they really brainwash their followers?

This is *exactly* how I feel. I am so confused even after all this time. My son still goes to sleep listening to the bible story CDs. I do not celebrate any holdiays, etc. I still live my life as a witness morally, I guess (except for smoking). I also defend the beliefs of the witnesses when it comes up. I am not sure what compels me to do these things. I still fear Armageddon from time to time. I feel as if I will never really be secure that I made the right decision.

I was raised as 'part of something'. Now that I am not, it just doesn't feel right. Will it ever? Who knows. I really haven't looked into other religions much other than the LDS. Once I realized anything I wanted eveidence of came from the book they use, I showed them the door. Maybe there is something else out there. I have only just recently been able to face the decisions I've made. I think I lived the last 10 years with my back to the past trying to ignore it.

I feel guilty visiting this site and relating my experiences. Am I stumbling someone? Why do I even think that? My life is still split in many way over what it used to be and what it is. I am not sure I can ever put a normal life together. I wish you the best of luck in doing so, whatever normal means to you.

Highlander

Welcome to JWD. You'll fit in quite well here.

collegegirl21

Welcome!!! I'm glad you found this site. I hope you like it here! Congrats on getting out!!! :)

Free at Last, or am I