by Princess Daisy Boo 35 Replies latest jw experiences
Welcome to JWD PDB,
I also was raised in the BORG, left when I turnd 18 with an infant! It's been 24 years and I've never gone back nor have I had the desire to go back.
I stumbled across JWD a couple of months ago and after 24 years of being out, when I signed on my heart started beating fast!
nj
Oh I can so relate to your story. I have been out for about 10 or 11 years as well and like you never felt the need to go back or missed it in any way. I am also new to this board, I started posting a few days ago and it was my first ever posting on a site like this. Funny still how that programming works, I am just now startd to realize that I spent the better part of many years being a JW apologist. I also like you still have a relantionship with my parents. I have a child and and we celebrate all holidays like crazy people (we have to make up for lost time )
My parents just recently found out we celebrate the holidays and it wasn't really a problem we just don't talk about it ever and I try hard not to rub it in there faces sort to speak. One thing that really helped me to realize is that you are an adult with your own family, yo make your own decisions now that are good for you. Your parents still loved you after you walked away from religon perhaps if one of your children slip and say something about the holidays it would be small compared to you leaving the whole religon. Also you being gone and happy for 12 years must say something to your parents who notice that. Try to keep living your life the way you are and not be pulled into the old way of thinking whether the society approves of your bahavoir...
~Mad Love~ Miss Bliss
Welcome princess daisy boo,
I was also relieved to find this board. I snooped around the board for a few months before I even found the courage to register. And when I did register I thought I was going to be .
I read these websites and discussion forums and still hear a little voice in my head saying don't read these things - they are bad, the society wouldn't approve, and yet I am relieved to read them!
Ditto. That little voice is in my head too. I started my fade about 9 months ago so I figure it will take a while before it gets laryngitis. After finding this forum I knew I was somewhat normal because I've felt for a while that something wasn't right with the org. There are some insightful folks on the board and some folks are just plain hilarious!
A part of me worries that by writing this all down I am finally admitting once and for that I am no longer a member of the witness world.
Ditto. My nerves were in shock after writing my first post. I just knew that the KGB elders were going to show up at my door: "Sister Shopaholic, open up, we know you're in there apostatizing."
How screwed up am I? How much do they really brainwash their followers?
Ditto. We are soooo on the same page, now I know we've been brainwashed. I know the borg screwed me up. Some folks on here have recommended a few books and so I'm going to give those a read.
Glad you got out 12 years ago and found the love of your life in the process!!!
Welcome Princess! I'm pretty new here myself, and I really enjoyed reading your story. I can completely relate to the residual effect of having been a JW at one time. Shortly after I left, my friends would take me to their churches for company and the presence of the huge Crosses in most of them made me quite uncomfortable - even though I had no mental issue with them anymore. I would love to talk to my folks about alot of things (they're still very active JW's) but some things just aren't worth the 3 hours of circular arguing that they lead to.
I look forward to seeing you around!
Musicman
Welcome to the board!!!!
Free at Last, or am I
I think this title to your post is dead on. So many people who leave the Watchtower never really understand just how bad it is and thus are left with a life of guilt.
While you have escaped from the bonds of Watchtower service, many of the different ideas and teachings still tear you apart.
There is still something left you have to do, and that is leave the Watchtower mentally.
I highly suggest you read the book 'Crisis of Conscience' by Raymond Franz. I recommend it to all of those who are new to the board. Many of us have read it and have really been able to let go of the Watchtowers bonds from what it reveals.
Staying active on this board will help as well.
You started your path out of the JWs many yeras ago but it is not finished. Actively engage your fears, guilts and frustrations. Find out why you have them! I garuntee that the more time you spend with this the more you will be able to finally move on.
-Drew
Welcome, Princess D!
You're going through what a lot of us did. It's particularly difficult, I think, if you were brought up from birth as a JW.
As to your children, if you teach them to be true to themselves, to do no harm to themselves or others, to seek to understand themselves others, how to think critically and set standards and goals, and take steps to achieve their goals, they will be fine and will be in harmony with most religious teachings if they choose to be religious at some point.
Regards,
SandraC
Welcome to the board Princess!!!
I think I've been mentally free for about a year now. I've got a JW-loyal wife and we have kids. I'm still an "active" JW on the outside though.
Just when I think I'm really free of it all, I'll find myself slipping into some way of thinking that is clearly a result of my JW upbringing. I just smile, laugh at myself and move on.
Here's an example. My oldest brother is long-time DFed and never coming back. We just started talking again (covertly) a few months ago. He sends me an e-mail telling me all about this big Birthday bash that's being thrown in his honor. I read it and replied and didn't even THINK of wishing him Happy Birthday!!! How screwed up is that? I realized my social gaff the next day and sent him a Happy Birthday greeting along with a "pardon my dubbiness" apology. He totally gets it.
Don't beat yourself up over some of the remaining JW tentacles. Just hack them off when you notice them and have fun doing it!
BTW, it's great to see all these Newbies on this thread.
Keep on posting!
Open Mind
Welcome, Princess Daisy Boo!
You are working your way out of the JW clutter in your mind, and eventually you WILL toss it in the dustbin!
I wanted to comment specifically on your fear that your parents discover that you do birthdays and Christmas with your little ones. STOP WORRYING! Why, you ask? Because you have the great good fortune to be an inactive, baptized, JW WOMAN, who must defer to her worldly husband in such matters. No, you are not supposed to actually ENJOY such activities, nor to shop for the presents, etc., but that part can be ketp to yourself.
I was an active, baptized, JW wife of an unbelieving mate and my kids ALWAYS got their birthdays and Christmas (and Thanksgiving, etc.). The elders told me that holiday dinners were just a meal at which my mate required me to be present (we usually went to his relatives' homes to celebrate) and that it was the way I reacted to the meal that proved whether or not I was actually "celebrating."
It may well be that your parents realize that even were you to be an active Witness, your husband still exercises headship over these sorts of thing in a divided household. (I really still have the lingo down, don't I? LOL -- I'm 7 years DA'd.) This is why they are employing a don't ask-don't tell stance.
My [unsolicited] advice? Just go on enjoying your holidays without fear of being cut off. If your parents are still associating with you after 12 years, they likely hold you and their grandchildren dear. Don't make the kids feel like they need hide their celebrations, either. You can explain in age-appropriate language why their maternal grandparents DON'T celebrate/attend, and thus help them respect others' right to choose a different way of life. It will also reassure them that they've not been forgotten or are somehow loved less by your parents.
Stepping down from soapbox,
outnfree
Do you remember "repetition for emphasis" from the Theo-craptic Misery School?
Well I want to also welcome you aboard, and re-state what Drew Sagan mentioned about ordering and reading into Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz, the former Governing Body member. You can order this online at www.commentarypress.com .
After reading into this book just about one-fourth of the way, I knew I could never go back to the JW's. The key to peace of mind is having the right information and letting it settle in. That book was the key stepping-stone to mentally exiting JW's (although I had already been DF'd several months by then).
- Jeff
Princess Daisy Boo.
