I am stuck in a life I don't want and can't see the way out

by Orgull 53 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  BlackPearl

  Orgull,

  I feel for you, and anything I say isn't meant to sound harsh, just helpful. Just know this, we love you brother! There is still love here, it's NOT just at the kingdom hall. Having said that, here goes. Your life is the only you're going to get, so live it. Not selfishly, in a worldly way, just live it. Jehovah gave us our lives to live and be happy, so just live it, happily. If that means you should get an education at a local college then do it. Ananlyze what YOU want to do with the rest of your life. A wife, kids, dogs, cats? Remember, your parents gave YOU the gift of life (albeit from Jehovah), it's your obligation to live it happily.

  I was somewhat in your shoes as well, although not having elderly parents to take care of. I was an MS, giving talks, prayers, etc... It was the pressure of having sooo many people to please that I left (there were other things too, but staying on topic), I just couldn't do it any longer. There comes a time in your life when you kinda get sick and tired of taking care of everybody else's demands and none of your own. You're in your 30's and have NO education? You got to look at this, seriously, how can you progress economically? What about your retirement, are you going to live like a bum? On the street? Who's going to take care of you when you need it? I've got the answer for you, NOBODY!

  I think someone mentioned this already, and it's a good idea;

  • Look at where you are today
  • Think about where you want to be in five years
  • Make a plan to get there

  You sound like a nice, caring, loving guy, surely there is a woman out there for you, go find her! You've got to expand options or you'll litterally go crazy. There are tens of thousands that have gone down this road, you're not alone. That's what this forum is for, it's a healing place. A place to vent your feelings, share your failures and successes. You're going to need some help, so PM (Private Message) me if you need to, we can talk. We're NOT satanic monstere here as the org would have you believe, we're real people who left the org. just like you. People with real emotions and real feelings and real needs for companionship, that's why we're here.

  In conclusion (sounds like a talk doesn't it?) we want to see you around here, share your thoughts, open up a dialogue with someone either here on the board or by PM'ing them, you'll get through this. This board helped me and my wife tremendously, the healing process went much smoother and quicker.

  Keep in touch bro,

  BP
• 

  lesterd

  The TRUTH has to hit you hard in the face to shake you out of the old ideology that you are baptized into the society and not to God. Christ died for YOU, the world and not oranized religion. Its all personal, you are the high prist of your religion and no one stands betwwen you and God, except Christ.

  Your situation with your family, can not and should not be interfered with by the borg as long as you do not express your opinions about religion. I am sorry that it becomes a personal decission on the part of your family, as to whether or not maitain a family relationship with you. As you are thier care provider, it would not be exercising a sound mind to throw you over because you DA yourself, their love should move them to try and recover you as a lost sheep instead of punishing you. If they deny you the opportunity to render Christian love and service to them, then they violate Gods law on love, the one true identifing mark of a Christian.

  Love yourself, because that is where the true God lays with in you. When you begin to find that strength then this pain will only be tempary.

  You are not along, this site is family to those leaving behind the witness life style, and like all families its got some cooks.
• 

  helncon

  I'm glad that i don't have your delemia.

  The only advice that i can give and think others may have said the same but write down what your end result be. EG education living out of your parents home, out of teh jw.

  Then work backwards from there till you reach now. You may not follow that exact path but it gives you a good heads up on how to achieve what YOU want.

  I hope this helps.

  Also read and post here often as this will help the transition and also try and go to some meetups your not alone and there are many here that can help

  Peace be with you

  Helen
• 

  fedorE

  LISTEN MY FRIEND

  #1- FIND A JOB.#2- FIND A JOB..THATS THE IMPORTANT THING. YOU NEED CASH FLOW EVEN IF ITS A SECURITY GUARD U NEED TO SAVE SOME CASH AND GET AN APARTMENT FAR AWAY OR OUT OF THE TERRITORY. THEN U ARE NOT RELYING ON ANYONE. IF U DO DECIDE TO DOWN THE ROAD TO DA URSELF OR GET DFD UR GOING TO BE OK. TAKE UR PUTER WITH U U NEED US.
• 

  Mum

  Taking the first step is the hardest. Once you're on your way, it gets easier as you go. You gain courage. I agree with Mrs. Smith about baby steps, slowly, at your own pace. We're here for you every step of the way.

  In the book A Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich, the main character is going through just the same thing you are, thinking his whole life could be a lie. Living a lie hurts you and keeps you from doing all the good you could be doing for yourself and others.

  At about.com, there is some advice on fading that people who post here helped put together.

  Be kind and patient with yourself.

  Regards,

  SandraC
• 

  Orgull

  Today was better.

  I did something I never do. I had to get lunch while doing my shopping and errands (friends wedding tomorrow). Usually when I eat alone, I sit in my car so I have privacy and don't have to deal with people. Today I went into the grocery store where they have a sandwich shop with tables and chairs and I ate my lunch surrounded by people. It was cool. I didn't strike up a conversation with anybody but I didn't feel my usual panic when surrounded by 'worldy' people.

  I'll have to do that again.

  I've also come up with a workeable plan to miss my first meeting in over 5 years and not raise any eyebrows. I'll be housesitting for another branch of my family in two weeks and everyone in my cong will know I'm away and are assuming I'm going to the meetings there. Simple and happy.

  :)
• 

  Mum

  Good! Baby steps one and two behind you! Keep it up. You're catching on very well...
• 

  outnfree

  YAY! The beginnings of a plan.
  
  Someone wrote : If your meeting attendance depends on getting more help from {the elders/congregation] they may leave you well alone.
  
  Too true! When you get back from your housesitting if none of the dear "Friends" have looked in on your parents, you might just have too much to do to get things at home back in shape to attend meetings at home weeknights, either.
  
  Also: That 5-year plan is a good idea. DO visualize what your ideal life would be -- often -- but don't give it the boundary of 5 years. Sometimes opportunities crop up and circumstances change more rapidly than we can dream. And see your family in your future still wanting a relationship with you no matter what, if that is what your ideal life includes.
  
  And visit here often. :D
  
  out
• 

  BluesBrother

  It is a scary thought when all of your predetermined ideas and beliefs are suddenly not there any more . But How much better it is to be FREE , I mean free in your mind, if not in lifestyle yet. ...Some thoughts.

  1) The slow fade seems to be your only option. If you were d/f or d/a it would make life hard in dealing with your parents needs . My wife is an active dub, she is not well, so I go along with her at weekends and help her at meetings . I do not want to be non approachable so I keep my mouth shut . No problem. You can find a reason to drop out of the School .

  2) Are you sure that you parents would really turn you out? It seems they need you as much as you need a place to stay. Perhaps practicality would win out, no matter what they say now.

  3) If the elders around you are what you say then they are the most zealous I have heard with too much time on there hands.. I doubt it. Those around here could not give a damn whether we attend or not. They never take any interest in us. I think that is far more typical.

  4) Think about this. Caring for aged parents is a laudable and noble thing to do. But do you really want to be there for a long time? As they get older it will be harder to cope with and harder and harder to break away. If you are willing to accept that responsibility for the best years of your life, fine., you are a saint, but do not get yourself trapped in a situation that you come to regret.....
• 

  AudeSapere

  I forgot who wrote this a few posts up - sorry!: Your life is the only you're going to get, so live it. Not selfishly, in a worldly way, just live it. Jehovah gave us our lives to live and be happy, so just live it, happily. If that means you should get an education at a local college then do it. Ananlyze what YOU want to do with the rest of your life. A wife, kids, dogs, cats? Remember, your parents gave YOU the gift of life (albeit from Jehovah), it's your obligation to live it happily.

  Change these sentences to personalize them (ie: My life is the only life I'm going to get... etc.) and memorize it. This will help you keep perspective of your true obligations.

  Orgull wrote: Today I went into the grocery store where they have a sandwich shop with tables and chairs and I ate my lunch surrounded by people.

  Wonderful! If you find there are no free tables, there is nothing wrong with finding another single person and asking if they mind if you join them. It's pretty easy to exchange a few sentences with a stranger at a table. You can talk about the weather or the food or the service (customer not door-to-door). Then see where the conversation goes. If it fades, that's OK.

  outnfree wrote: When you get back from your housesitting if none of the dear "Friends" have looked in on your parents, you might just have too much to do to get things at home back in shape to attend meetings at home weeknights, either.

  Oh yes!! Good timing to really start your fade and simultaneously start your new life.

  It can be a little scary at first but soon you will start to crave the fun.

  Congrats on successfully completing the first few big, important steps.

  -Denise.