letter from my parents (page 2)

AK - Jeff

Not many years ago, I was in the same place as your parents. Though I stressed the 'truth' as the answer of course, it wasn't the answer.

My deeper concerns were for the safety and welfare of my child - if I couldn't have her in the 'truth' with us, then at least I wanted some comfort that she was making wise choices in association, not using drugs or getting drunk, and that she was not exposing herself to STD's and other life threatening situations. She ran as fast as she could into all of the above, messed up her life [from anyone's perspective not just JW], left her kids in limbo, and is spending her quality time now in Uncle Sam's free lodging and boarding house.

Has she taken a 'sane' course away from the 'truth', one that made us see that she was independent but wise in her choices, while we would have not liked that she was not 'trusting Jehovah', we would have been content to see that she was safe and happy.

I hope that you take a wise course - they will see anything you do now as rebellion against the 'truth'. Be that as it may - the best Witness against the Witnesses is a successful life. Otherwise, they could say 'I told you so' when your choices end in a trainwreck. You might be able to tell them 'I told you so' regarding the 'truth about the truth', depending on the lifestyle and respect you show here.

Good luck to you son.

Jeff

jgnat

I suggest you just write, write, write, and then organize later by paragraphs by subject. This is a loving letter in it's own twisted way. Maybe to clarify your thinking, I'll highlight all the manipulative language for you.

Just want you to know how much dad and I love you. We love you so much that we don’t ever want anything bad to happen to you. We know that this is a difficult time for you. You want…need independence yet you are inexperienced. You have doubts about the truth but we believe that in your heart you know it is. We know it is difficult to live by especially if you are drawn to the world We know that you are lonely and want friends but worldy ones are not the answer. You scared us when you left with them in the car and even though you were ok then that doesn’t mean you will be in the future. Your going to be 18 soon and you will soon be held accountable to the law and worldly people can get you to do things that you might not normally do. Peer preasure can be very strong and it might not even mean that you are doing anything wrong but merely that you are in the wrong place at the wrong time.Even if nothing like that should happen you have been taught all your life about bad associations. NICHOLAS PLEASE DON’T THROW AWAY YOUR SPIRITUAL HERITAGE! Remember all who love you. (list names of friends and relatives) and especially Jehovah, give them a chance! Set spiritual goals for yourself (pioneering)study praying mediation will help you reach these goals We will help you all you need. Reach out to the friends at the hall! “ quotes 3 john:4) It might be hard but pray and rely on Jehovah. Talk to us and tell us how you feel. Write down your feelings We love you so much!

The general message, the same of any Watchtower I've ever read, is that you cannot trust yourself, you are weak, and the WORLD is pressuring you. Yet this entire missive is hard-core pressure to conform to the society. There is very little about that is true and much more about your heritage and what you have been taught your whole life. Ask them if they will love you regardless of the choices you make.

I would specifically like to speak to this bit of manipulative language:

...we believe that in your heart you know it is [the truth]...

How can anyone know your heart? JW's assume they know the motives of everyone who is doubting, everyone who has left the society. Why? Because the magazine told them so. They are only humans, and do not have the power to read hearts. You know yourself better than anyone. Don't let anyone claim they know you better.

I think if you talk about the importance of getting to the truth of the matter, no hypocrisy, and your ability to be spiritual and be strong in yourself, it might help counter this message.

eclipse

Hi Nicholas,

I would keep as short as possible, telling them you love and respect them.

I think you should lie low until you are able to move out...

I know you want to be honest with them, and I know hiding how you really feel about the religion is very difficult.

Just say that when you are making it a ''matter of prayer'', and all you are looking for is the truth, and reassure them that you will give what they have said careful thought, and leave it at that.

just my two cents

Burger Time

Isn't amazing that if the letter read like this it would have such a stronger different effect.

Just want you to know how much dad and I love you. We love you so much that we don’t ever want anything bad to happen to you . We know that this is a difficult time for you. You want…need independence yet you are inexperienced. We know being a wittiness is difficult to live by. We know that you are lonely and want friends. You scared us when you left with friends we didn't know in the car and even though you were ok then that doesn’t mean you will be in the future. Your going to be 18 soon and you will soon be held accountable to the law and people can get you to do things that you might not normally do . Peer preasure can be very strong and it might not even mean that you are doing anything wrong but merely that you are in the wrong place at the wrong time.Remember we all love you. (list names of friends and relatives) and especially Jehovah, give them a chance! If you decide to set spiritual goals for yourself (pioneering) study praying mediation we will help you reach these goals We will help with all you need no matter what you do. It might be hard but pray and rely on Jehovah. Talk to us and tell us how you feel. Write down your feelings We love you so much!

Me and my Mom were talking about how the society always encourages parents to hold kids to adult standards. It's really sad. I think they could win over more teenagers if the teenagers had somewhat of options. Instead they are painted in to a corner. It's really sad if you read the original letter it might not say it outright, but it's essentially telling this young man he has no other option to be good but the JW option. So being a rebellious teenager what the heck do they expect?

greendawn

One can understand their worries but I am sure you are mature enough not to get involved with persons that may advise you to do things that will get you in trouble with the law.

If you are feeling lonely then why didn't they or the elders try to do something to find you some friends? I suppose there are plenty of young JWs in the area where you live. Why did they force you to rely on non JWs if they don't like them?

ex-nj-jw

TBL,

It's obvious that you parent's love you. I don't think that was ever an issue.

I'm going to tell you what I tell my kids:

1. Choose your friends wisely

2. Don't be a follower, if your friends are doing somthing wrong, that could get you in trouble, get away from them, make your own choices.

3. Always use protection when having sex

4. Just because you can do it, doesn't mean it's right (I mean, just because you are 18 and legal doesn't mean everything is right or ok to do)

5. Be responsible for your own actions, don't blame others for the choices you make

6. Treat people the way you want them to treat you, your mother, father, sister, brother, grandparents, etc...

I think jngat advise about writing down your feelings is exactly what you should do, then go back and revise. Don't rush, take your time and think about what it is you are trying to get across to them.

I hope you are not planning on leaving before you finish school and have taken our advise about higher education!

Good luck sweetie, we are pulling for ya!

nj

thebiggestlie

i must thank you all for your warm open and genuine advice. In fact i must say i agree with my parents letter despite the plug for the WTBS. I know they care. I know they think they are right. And i know they love me. ALl i can do is prove them wrong by my actions i suppose

ex-nj-jw

ALl i can do is prove them wrong by my actions i suppose

By George, I think you've got it

nj

Quandry

My advice to you would be to continue to love and respect your parents. You will be 18 soon and will be able to make more desicions for yourself. Make good desicions. Don't just say: woo hoo, I'm 18, I can do whatever I wish! Get and education, pick friends that compliment your personality, be responsible, grow, learn.

Good advice. Just remember also, that you are a minor until 18 and as such your parents are responsible for you. If you cause some injury to someone, they must pay.

They sound like loving, caring parents, and whether others on this board like it or not, I will just say that unless abuse is involved, they have the right to raise you in the religion they feel is best until you are 18. Just be patient. Use your time to good effect. GET A COLLEGE EDUCATION. This way, you will be able to have a future. This may be hard if you resolutely refuse to obey mom and dad or their directives about going to the Hall. This is something you must think about.

It is hard to be patient and obedient when you are young. But as one who has lived for 55 years, I can tell you, that you only have two parents, and eventually, despite the predictions of the WTS, they will die. Don't make bad decisions now that will haunt you later.

If they invite you to tell you how you feel, then be honest. But still be willing to be obedient.

SPAZnik

hang in there. be the best son you can be while being true to your own conscience! parents in every religion have a hard time of it when their little prodigy's grow up and begin thinking for themselves carving out a path uniquely their own!! it's scary for them! yes, go live a good life, make the best decisions you are able to along the way, true to your values and ethics...that is a spiritual life well lived!!

letter from my parents

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